A Monument to Adam
by Mark Twain
Some one has revealed to the TRIBUNE that I once suggested to Rev. Thomas
K. Beecher, of Elmira, New York, that we get up a monument to Adam, and
that Mr. Beecher favored the project. There is more to it than that. The
matter started as a joke, but it came somewhat near to materializing.
It is long ago—thirty years. Mr. Darwin's DESCENT OF MAN has been in
print five or six years, and the storm of indignation raised by it was
still raging in pulpits and periodicals. In tracing the genesis of the
human race back to its sources, Mr. Darwin had left Adam out altogether.
We had monkeys, and "missing links," and plenty of other kinds of
ancestors, but no Adam. Jesting with Mr. Beecher and other friends in
Elmira, I said there seemed to be a likelihood that the world would
discard Adam and accept the monkey, and that in the course of time Adam's
very name would be forgotten in the earth; therefore this calamity ought
to be averted; a monument would accomplish this, and Elmira ought not to
waste this honorable opportunity to do Adam a favor and herself a credit.
Then the unexpected happened. Two bankers came forward and took hold of
the matter—not for fun, not for sentiment, but because they saw in
the monument certain commercial advantages for the town. The project had
seemed gently humorous before—it was more than that now, with this
stern business gravity injected into it. The bankers discussed the
monument with me. We met several times. They proposed an indestructible
memorial, to cost twenty-five thousand dollars. The insane oddity of a
monument set up in a village to preserve a name that would outlast the
hills and the rocks without any such help, would advertise Elmira to the
ends of the earth—and draw custom. It would be the only monument on
the planet to Adam, and in the matter of interest and impressiveness could
never have a rival until somebody should set up a monument to the Milky
People would come from every corner of the globe and stop off to look at
it, no tour of the world would be complete that left out Adam's monument.
Elmira would be a Mecca; there would be pilgrim ships at pilgrim rates,
pilgrim specials on the continent's railways; libraries would be written
about the monument, every tourist would kodak it, models of it would be
for sale everywhere in the earth, its form would become as familiar as the
figure of Napoleon.
One of the bankers subscribed five thousand dollars, and I think the other
one subscribed half as much, but I do not remember with certainty now
whether that was the figure or not. We got designs made—some of them
came from Paris.
In the beginning—as a detail of the project when it was yet a joke—I
had framed a humble and beseeching and perfervid petition to Congress
begging the government to built the monument, as a testimony of the Great
Republic's gratitude to the Father of the Human Race and as a token of her
loyalty to him in this dark day of humiliation when his older children
were doubting and deserting him. It seemed to me that this petition ought
to be presented, now—it would be widely and feelingly abused and
ridiculed and cursed, and would advertise our scheme and make our
ground-floor stock go off briskly. So I sent it to General Joseph R.
Hawley, who was then in the House, and he said he would present it. But he
did not do it. I think he explained that when he came to read it he was
afraid of it: it was too serious, to gushy, too sentimental—the
House might take it for earnest.
We ought to have carried out our monument scheme; we could have managed it
without any great difficulty, and Elmira would now be the most celebrated
town in the universe.
Very recently I began to build a book in which one of the minor characters
touches incidentally upon a project for a monument to Adam, and now the
TRIBUNE has come upon a trace of the forgotten jest of thirty years ago.
Apparently mental telegraphy is still in business. It is odd; but the
freaks of mental telegraphy are usually odd.