TO MY MOTHER
A Knight by John Galsworthy
At Monte Carlo, in the spring of the year 189-, I used to notice an old
fellow in a grey suit and sunburnt straw hat with a black ribbon. Every
morning at eleven o'clock, he would come down to the Place, followed by a
brindled German boarhound, walk once or twice round it, and seat himself
on a bench facing the casino. There he would remain in the sun, with his
straw hat tilted forward, his thin legs apart, his brown hands crossed
between them, and the dog's nose resting on his knee. After an hour or
more he would get up, and, stooping a little from the waist, walk slowly
round the Place and return up hill. Just before three, he would come down
again in the same clothes and go into the casino, leaving the dog outside.
One afternoon, moved by curiosity, I followed him. He passed through the
hall without looking at the gambling-rooms, and went into the concert. It
became my habit after that to watch for him. When he sat in the Place I
could see him from the window of my room. The chief puzzle to me was the
matter of his nationality.
His lean, short face had a skin so burnt that it looked like leather; his
jaw was long and prominent, his chin pointed, and he had hollows in his
cheeks. There were wrinkles across his forehead; his eyes were brown; and
little white moustaches were brushed up from the corners of his lips. The
back of his head bulged out above the lines of his lean neck and high,
sharp shoulders; his grey hair was cropped quite close. In the Marseilles
buffet, on the journey out, I had met an Englishman, almost his
counterpart in features—but somehow very different! This old fellow
had nothing of the other's alert, autocratic self-sufficiency. He was
quiet and undemonstrative, without looking, as it were, insulated against
shocks and foreign substances. He was certainly no Frenchman. His eyes,
indeed, were brown, but hazel-brown, and gentle—not the red-brown
sensual eye of the Frenchman. An American? But was ever an American so
passive? A German? His moustache was certainly brushed up, but in a
modest, almost pathetic way, not in the least Teutonic. Nothing seemed to
fit him. I gave him up, and named him "the Cosmopolitan."
Leaving at the end of April, I forgot him altogether. In the same month,
however, of the following year I was again at Monte Carlo, and going one
day to the concert found myself seated next this same old fellow. The
orchestra was playing Meyerbeer's "Prophete," and my neighbour was asleep,
snoring softly. He was dressed in the same grey suit, with the same straw
hat (or one exactly like it) on his knees, and his hands crossed above it.
Sleep had not disfigured him—his little white moustache was still
brushed up, his lips closed; a very good and gentle expression hovered on
his face. A curved mark showed on his right temple, the scar of a cut on
the side of his neck, and his left hand was covered by an old glove, the
little forger of which was empty. He woke up when the march was over and
brisked up his moustache.
The next thing on the programme was a little thing by Poise from Le joli
Gilles, played by Mons. Corsanego on the violin. Happening to glance at my
old neighbour, I saw a tear caught in the hollow of his cheek, and another
just leaving the corner of his eye; there was a faint smile on his lips.
Then came an interval; and while orchestra and audience were resting, I
asked him if he were fond of music. He looked up without distrust, bowed,
and answered in a thin, gentle voice: "Certainly. I know nothing about it,
play no instrument, could never sing a note; but fond of it! Who would not
be?" His English was correct enough, but with an emphasis not quite
American nor quite foreign. I ventured to remark that he did not care for
Meyerbeer. He smiled.
"Ah!" he said, "I was asleep? Too bad of me. He is a little noisy—I
know so little about music. There is Bach, for instance. Would you believe
it, he gives me no pleasure? A great misfortune to be no musician!" He
shook his head.
I murmured, "Bach is too elevating for you perhaps."
"To me," he answered, "any music I like is elevating. People say some
music has a bad effect on them. I never found any music that gave me a bad
thought—no—no—quite the opposite; only sometimes, as you
see, I go to sleep. But what a lovely instrument the violin!" A faint
flush came on his parched cheeks. "The human soul that has left the body.
A curious thing, distant bugles at night have given me the same feeling."
The orchestra was now coming back, and, folding his hands, my neighbour
turned his eyes towards them. When the concert was over we came out
together. Waiting at the entrance was his dog.
"You have a beautiful dog!"
"Ah! yes, Freda, mia cara, da su mano!" The dog squatted on her haunches,
and lifted her paw in the vague, bored way of big dogs when requested to
perform civilities. She was a lovely creature—the purest brindle,
without a speck of white, and free from the unbalanced look of most dogs
of her breed.
"Basta! basta!" He turned to me apologetically. "We have agreed to speak
Italian; in that way I keep up the language; astonishing the number of
things that dog will understand!" I was about to take my leave, when he
asked if I would walk a little way with him—"If you are free, that
is." We went up the street with Freda on the far side of her master.
"Do you never 'play' here?" I asked him.
"Play? No. It must be very interesting; most exciting, but as a matter of
fact, I can't afford it. If one has very little, one is too nervous."
He had stopped in front of a small hairdresser's shop. "I live here," he
said, raising his hat again. "Au revoir!—unless I can offer you a
glass of tea. It's all ready. Come! I've brought you out of your way; give
me the pleasure!"
I have never met a man so free from all self-consciousness, and yet so
delicate and diffident the combination is a rare one. We went up a steep
staircase to a room on the second floor. My companion threw the shutters
open, setting all the flies buzzing. The top of a plane-tree was on a
level with the window, and all its little brown balls were dancing, quite
close, in the wind. As he had promised, an urn was hissing on a table;
there was also a small brown teapot, some sugar, slices of lemon, and
glasses. A bed, washstand, cupboard, tin trunk, two chairs, and a small
rug were all the furniture. Above the bed a sword in a leather sheath was
suspended from two nails. The photograph of a girl stood on the closed
stove. My host went to the cupboard and produced a bottle, a glass, and a
second spoon. When the cork was drawn, the scent of rum escaped into the
air. He sniffed at it and dropped a teaspoonful into both glasses.
"This is a trick I learned from the Russians after Plevna; they had my
little finger, so I deserved something in exchange." He looked round; his
eyes, his whole face, seemed to twinkle. "I assure you it was worth it—makes
all the difference. Try!" He poured off the tea.
"Had you a sympathy with the Turks?"
"The weaker side—" He paused abruptly, then added: "But it was not
that." Over his face innumerable crow's-feet had suddenly appeared, his
eyes twitched; he went on hurriedly, "I had to find something to do just
then—it was necessary." He stared into his glass; and it was some
time before I ventured to ask if he had seen much fighting.
"Yes," he replied gravely, "nearly twenty years altogether; I was one of
Garibaldi's Mille in '60."
"Surely you are not Italian?"
He leaned forward with his hands on his knees. "I was in Genoa at that
time learning banking; Garibaldi was a wonderful man! One could not help
it." He spoke quite simply. "You might say it was like seeing a little man
stand up to a ring of great hulking fellows; I went, just as you would
have gone, if you'd been there. I was not long with them—our war
began; I had to go back home." He said this as if there had been but one
war since the world began. "In '60," he mused, "till '65. Just think of
it! The poor country. Why, in my State, South Carolina—I was through
it all—nobody could be spared there—we were one to three."
"I suppose you have a love of fighting?"
"H'm!" he said, as if considering the idea for the first time. "Sometimes
I fought for a living, and sometimes—because I was obliged; one must
try to be a gentleman. But won't you have some more?"
I refused more tea and took my leave, carrying away with me a picture of
the old fellow looking down from the top of the steep staircase, one hand
pressed to his back, the other twisting up those little white moustaches,
and murmuring, "Take care, my dear sir, there's a step there at the
"To be a gentleman!" I repeated in the street, causing an old French lady
to drop her parasol, so that for about two minutes we stood bowing and
smiling to each other, then separated full of the best feeling.
A week later I found myself again seated next him at a concert. In the
meantime I had seen him now and then, but only in passing. He seemed
depressed. The corners of his lips were tightened, his tanned cheeks had a
greyish tinge, his eyes were restless; and, between two numbers of the
programme, he murmured, tapping his fingers on his hat, "Do you ever have
bad days? Yes? Not pleasant, are they?"
Then something occurred from which all that I have to tell you followed.
There came into the concert-hall the heroine of one of those romances,
crimes, follies, or irregularities, call it what you will, which had just
attracted the "world's" stare. She passed us with her partner, and sat
down in a chair a few rows to our right. She kept turning her head round,
and at every turn I caught the gleam of her uneasy eyes. Some one behind
us said: "The brazen baggage!"
My companion turned full round, and glared at whoever it was who had
spoken. The change in him was quite remarkable. His lips were drawn back
from his teeth; he frowned; the scar on his temple had reddened.
"Ah!" he said to me. "The hue and cry! Contemptible! How I hate it! But
you wouldn't understand—!" he broke off, and slowly regained his
usual air of self-obliteration; he even seemed ashamed, and began trying
to brush his moustaches higher than ever, as if aware that his heat had
robbed them of neatness.
"I'm not myself, when I speak of such matters," he said suddenly; and
began reading his programme, holding it upside down. A minute later,
however, he said in a peculiar voice: "There are people to be found who
object to vivisecting animals; but the vivisection of a woman, who minds
that? Will you tell me it's right, that because of some tragedy like this—believe
me, it is always a tragedy—we should hunt down a woman? That her
fellow-women should make an outcast of her? That we, who are men, should
make a prey of her? If I thought that...." Again he broke off, staring
very hard in front of him. "It is we who make them what they are; and even
if that is not so—why! if I thought there was a woman in the world I
could not take my hat off to—I—I—couldn't sleep at
night." He got up from his seat, put on his old straw hat with trembling
fingers, and, without a glance back, went out, stumbling over the
I sat there, horribly disturbed; the words, "One must try to be a
gentleman!" haunting me. When I came out, he was standing by the entrance
with one hand on his hip and the other on his dog. In that attitude of
waiting he was such a patient figure; the sun glared down and showed the
threadbare nature of his clothes and the thinness of his brown hands, with
their long forgers and nails yellow from tobacco. Seeing me he came up the
steps again, and raised his hat.
"I am glad to have caught you; please forget all that." I asked if he
would do me the honour of dining at my hotel.
"Dine?" he repeated with the sort of smile a child gives if you offer him
a box of soldiers; "with the greatest pleasure. I seldom dine out, but I
think I can muster up a coat. Yes—yes—and at what time shall I
come? At half-past seven, and your hotel is—? Good! I shall be
there. Freda, mia cara, you will be alone this evening. You do not smoke
caporal, I fear. I find it fairly good; though it has too much bite." He
walked off with Freda, puffing at his thin roll of caporal.
Once or twice he stopped, as if bewildered or beset by some sudden doubt
or memory; and every time he stopped, Freda licked his hand. They
disappeared round the corner of the street, and I went to my hotel to see
about dinner. On the way I met Jules le Ferrier, and asked him to come
"My faith, yes!" he said, with the rosy pessimism characteristic of the
French editor. "Man must dine!"
At half-past six we assembled. My "Cosmopolitan" was in an old frock-coat
braided round the edges, buttoned high and tight, defining more than ever
the sharp lines of his shoulders and the slight kink of his back; he had
brought with him, too, a dark-peaked cap of military shape, which he had
evidently selected as more fitting to the coat than a straw hat. He
smelled slightly of some herb.
We sat down to dinner, and did not rise for two hours. He was a charming
guest, praised everything he ate—not with commonplaces, but in words
that made you feel it had given him real pleasure. At first, whenever
Jules made one of his caustic remarks, he looked quite pained, but
suddenly seemed to make up his mind that it was bark, not bite; and then
at each of them he would turn to me and say, "Aha! that's good—isn't
it?" With every glass of wine he became more gentle and more genial,
sitting very upright, and tightly buttoned-in; while the little white
wings of his moustache seemed about to leave him for a better world.
In spite of the most leading questions, however, we could not get him to
talk about himself, for even Jules, most cynical of men, had recognised
that he was a hero of romance. He would answer gently and precisely, and
then sit twisting his moustaches, perfectly unconscious that we wanted
more. Presently, as the wine went a little to his head, his thin, high
voice grew thinner, his cheeks became flushed, his eyes brighter; at the
end of dinner he said: "I hope I have not been noisy."
We assured him that he had not been noisy enough. "You're laughing at me,"
he answered. "Surely I've been talking all the time!"
"Mon Dieu!" said Jules, "we have been looking for some fables of your
wars; but nothing—nothing, not enough to feed a frog!"
The old fellow looked troubled.
"To be sure!" he mused. "Let me think! there is that about Colhoun at
Gettysburg; and there's the story of Garibaldi and the Miller." He plunged
into a tale, not at all about himself, which would have been extremely
dull, but for the conviction in his eyes, and the way he stopped and
commented. "So you see," he ended, "that's the sort of man Garibaldi was!
I could tell you another tale of him." Catching an introspective look in
Jules's eye, however, I proposed taking our cigars over to the cafe
"Delightful!" the old fellow said: "We shall have a band and the fresh
air, and clear consciences for our cigars. I cannot like this smoking in a
room where there are ladies dining."
He walked out in front of us, smoking with an air of great enjoyment.
Jules, glowing above his candid shirt and waistcoat, whispered to me, "Mon
cher Georges, how he is good!" then sighed, and added darkly: "The poor
We sat down at a little table. Close by, the branches of a plane-tree
rustled faintly; their leaves hung lifeless, speckled like the breasts of
birds, or black against the sky; then, caught by the breeze, fluttered
The old fellow sat, with head thrown back, a smile on his face, coming now
and then out of his enchanted dreams to drink coffee, answer our
questions, or hum the tune that the band was playing. The ash of his cigar
grew very long. One of those bizarre figures in Oriental garb, who, night
after night, offer their doubtful wares at a great price, appeared in the
white glare of a lamp, looked with a furtive smile at his face, and glided
back, discomfited by its unconsciousness. It was a night for dreams! A
faint, half-eastern scent in the air, of black tobacco and spice; few
people as yet at the little tables, the waiters leisurely, the band soft!
What was he dreaming of, that old fellow, whose cigar-ash grew so long? Of
youth, of his battles, of those things that must be done by those who try
to be gentlemen; perhaps only of his dinner; anyway of something gilded in
vague fashion as the light was gilding the branches of the plane-tree.
Jules pulled my sleeve: "He sleeps." He had smilingly dropped off; the
cigar-ash—that feathery tower of his dreams—had broken and
fallen on his sleeve. He awoke, and fell to dusting it.
The little tables round us began to fill. One of the bandsmen played a
czardas on the czymbal. Two young Frenchmen, talking loudly, sat down at
the adjoining table. They were discussing the lady who had been at the
concert that afternoon.
"It's a bet," said one of them, "but there's the present man. I take three
weeks, that's enough 'elle est declassee; ce n'est que le premier pas—'"
My old friend's cigar fell on the table. "Monsieur," he stammered, "you
speak of a lady so, in a public place?"
The young man stared at him. "Who is this person?" he said to his
My guest took up Jules's glove that lay on the table; before either of us
could raise a finger, he had swung it in the speaker's face. "Enough!" he
said, and, dropping the glove, walked away.
We all jumped to our feet. I left Jules and hurried after him. His face
was grim, his eyes those of a creature who has been struck on a raw place.
He made a movement of his fingers which said plainly. "Leave me, if you
I went back to the cafe. The two young men had disappeared, so had Jules,
but everything else was going on just as before; the bandsman still
twanging out his czardas; the waiters serving drinks; the orientals trying
to sell their carpets. I paid the bill, sought out the manager, and
apologised. He shrugged his shoulders, smiled and said: "An eccentric,
your friend, nicht wahr?" Could he tell me where M. Le Ferrier was? He
could not. I left to look for Jules; could not find him, and returned to
my hotel disgusted. I was sorry for my old guest, but vexed with him too;
what business had he to carry his Quixotism to such an unpleasant length?
I tried to read. Eleven o'clock struck; the casino disgorged a stream of
people; the Place seemed fuller of life than ever; then slowly it grew
empty and quite dark. The whim seized me to go out. It was a still night,
very warm, very black. On one of the seats a man and woman sat embraced,
on another a girl was sobbing, on a third—strange sight—a
priest dozed. I became aware of some one at my side; it was my old guest.
"If you are not too tired," he said, "can you give me ten minutes?"
"Certainly; will you come in?"
"No, no; let us go down to the Terrace. I shan't keep you long."
He did not speak again till we reached a seat above the pigeon-shooting
grounds; there, in a darkness denser for the string of lights still
burning in the town, we sat down.
"I owe you an apology," he said; "first in the afternoon, then again this
evening—your guest—your friend's glove! I have behaved as no
gentleman should." He was leaning forward with his hands on the handle of
a stick. His voice sounded broken and disturbed.
"Oh!" I muttered. "It's nothing!"'
"You are very good," he sighed; "but I feel that I must explain. I
consider I owe this to you, but I must tell you I should not have the
courage if it were not for another reason. You see I have no friend." He
looked at me with an uncertain smile. I bowed, and a minute or two later
"You will excuse me if I go back rather far. It was in '74, when I had
been ill with Cuban fever. To keep me alive they had put me on board a
ship at Santiago, and at the end of the voyage I found myself in London. I
had very little money; I knew nobody. I tell you, sir, there are times
when it's hard for a fighting man to get anything to do. People would say
to me: 'Afraid we've nothing for a man like you in our business.' I tried
people of all sorts; but it was true—I had been fighting here and
there since '60, I wasn't fit for anything—" He shook his head. "In
the South, before the war, they had a saying, I remember, about a dog and
a soldier having the same value. But all this has nothing to do with what
I have to tell you." He sighed again and went on, moistening his lips: "I
was walking along the Strand one day, very disheartened, when I heard my
name called. It's a queer thing, that, in a strange street. By the way,"
he put in with dry ceremony, "you don't know my name, I think: it is Brune—Roger
Brune. At first I did not recognise the person who called me. He had just
got off an omnibus—a square-shouldered man with heavy moustaches,
and round spectacles. But when he shook my hand I knew him at once. He was
a man called Dalton, who was taken prisoner at Gettysburg; one of you
Englishmen who came to fight with us—a major in the regiment where I
was captain. We were comrades during two campaigns. If I had been his
brother he couldn't have seemed more pleased to see me. He took me into a
bar for the sake of old times. The drink went to my head, and by the time
we reached Trafalgar Square I was quite unable to walk. He made me sit
down on a bench. I was in fact—drunk. It's disgraceful to be drunk,
but there was some excuse. Now I tell you, sir" (all through his story he
was always making use of that expression, it seemed to infuse fresh spirit
into him, to help his memory in obscure places, to give him the mastery of
his emotions; it was like the piece of paper a nervous man holds in his
hand to help him through a speech), "there never was a man with a finer
soul than my friend Dalton. He was not clever, though he had read much;
and sometimes perhaps he was too fond of talking. But he was a gentleman;
he listened to me as if I had been a child; he was not ashamed of me—and
it takes a gentleman not to be ashamed of a drunken man in the streets of
London; God knows what things I said to him while we were sitting there!
He took me to his home and put me to bed himself; for I was down again
with fever." He stopped, turned slightly from me, and put his hand up to
his brow. "Well, then it was, sir, that I first saw her. I am not a poet
and I cannot tell you what she seemed to me. I was delirious, but I always
knew when she was there. I had dreams of sunshine and cornfields, of
dancing waves at sea, young trees—never the same dreams, never
anything for long together; and when I had my senses I was afraid to say
so for fear she would go away. She'd be in the corner of the room, with
her hair hanging about her neck, a bright gold colour; she never worked
and never read, but sat and talked to herself in a whisper, or looked at
me for a long time together out of her blue eyes, a little frown between
them, and her upper lip closed firm on her lower lip, where she had an
uneven tooth. When her father came, she'd jump up and hang on to his neck
until he groaned, then run away, but presently come stealing back on
tiptoe. I used to listen for her footsteps on the stairs, then the knock,
the door flung back or opened quietly—you never could tell which;
and her voice, with a little lisp, 'Are you better today, Mr. Brune? What
funny things you say when you're delirious! Father says you've been in
heaps of battles!"'
He got up, paced restlessly to and fro, and sat down again. "I remember
every word as if it were yesterday, all the things she said, and did; I've
had a long time to think them over, you see. Well, I must tell you, the
first morning that I was able to get up, I missed her. Dalton came in her
place, and I asked him where she was. 'My dear fellow,' he answered, 'I've
sent Eilie away to her old nurse's inn down on the river; she's better
there at this time of year.' We looked at each other, and I saw that he
had sent her away because he didn't trust me. I was hurt by this. Illness
spoils one. He was right, he was quite right, for all he knew about me was
that I could fight and had got drunk; but I am very quick-tempered. I made
up my mind at once to leave him. But I was too weak—he had to put me
to bed again. The very next morning he came and proposed that I should go
into partnership with him. He kept a fencing-school and pistol-gallery. It
seemed like the finger of God; and perhaps it was—who knows?" He
fell into a reverie, and taking out his caporal, rolled himself a
cigarette; having lighted it, he went on suddenly: "There, in the room
above the school, we used to sit in the evenings, one on each side of the
grate. The room was on the second floor, I remember, with two windows, and
a view of nothing but the houses opposite. The furniture was covered up
with chintz. The things on the bookshelf were never disturbed, they were
Eilie's—half-broken cases with butterflies, a dead frog in a bottle,
a horse-shoe covered with tinfoil, some shells too, and a cardboard box
with three speckled eggs in it, and these words written on the lid:
'Missel-thrush from Lucy's tree—second family, only one blown.'" He
smoked fiercely, with puffs that were like sharp sighs.
"Dalton was wrapped up in her. He was never tired of talking to me about
her, and I was never tired of hearing. We had a number of pupils; but in
the evening when we sat there, smoking—our talk would sooner or
later—come round to her. Her bedroom opened out of that sitting—room;
he took me in once and showed me a narrow little room the width of a
passage, fresh and white, with a photograph of her mother above the bed,
and an empty basket for a dog or cat." He broke off with a vexed air, and
resumed sternly, as if trying to bind himself to the narration of his more
important facts: "She was then fifteen—her mother had been dead
twelve years—a beautiful, face, her mother's; it had been her death
that sent Dalton to fight with us. Well, sir, one day in August, very hot
weather, he proposed a run into the country, and who should meet us on the
platform when we arrived but Eilie, in a blue sun-bonnet and frock-flax
blue, her favourite colour. I was angry with Dalton for not telling me
that we should see her; my clothes were not quite—my hair wanted
cutting. It was black then, sir," he added, tracing a pattern in the
darkness with his stick. "She had a little donkey-cart; she drove, and,
while we walked one on each side, she kept looking at me from under her
sunbonnet. I must tell you that she never laughed—her eyes danced,
her cheeks would go pink, and her hair shake about on her neck, but she
never laughed. Her old nurse, Lucy, a very broad, good woman, had married
the proprietor of the inn in the village there. I have never seen anything
like that inn: sweethriar up to the roof! And the scent—I am very
susceptible to scents!" His head drooped, and the cigarette fell from his
hand. A train passing beneath sent up a shower of sparks. He started, and
went on: "We had our lunch in the parlour—I remember that room very
well, for I spent the happiest days of my life afterwards in that inn....
We went into a meadow after lunch, and my friend Dalton fell asleep. A
wonderful thing happened then. Eilie whispered to me, 'Let's have a jolly
time.' She took me for the most glorious walk. The river was close by. A
lovely stream, your river Thames, so calm and broad; it is like the spirit
of your people. I was bewitched; I forgot my friend, I thought of nothing
but how to keep her to myself. It was such a day! There are days that are
the devil's, but that was truly one of God's. She took me to a little pond
under an elm-tree, and we dragged it, we two, an hour, for a kind of tiny
red worm to feed some creature that she had. We found them in the mud, and
while she was bending over, the curls got in her eyes. If you could have
seen her then, I think, sir, you would have said she was like the first
sight of spring.... We had tea afterwards, all together, in the long grass
under some fruit-trees. If I had the knack of words, there are things that
I could say." He bent, as though in deference to those unspoken memories.
"Twilight came on while we were sitting there. A wonderful thing is
twilight in the country! It became time for us to go. There was an avenue
of trees close by—like a church with a window at the end, where
golden light came through. I walked up and down it with her. 'Will you
come again?' she whispered, and suddenly she lifted up her face to be
kissed. I kissed her as if she were a little child. And when we said
good-bye, her eyes were looking at me across her father's shoulder, with
surprise and sorrow in them. 'Why do you go away?' they seemed to say....
But I must tell you," he went on hurriedly, "of a thing that happened
before we had gone a hundred yards. We were smoking our pipes, and I,
thinking of her—when out she sprang from the hedge and stood in
front of us. Dalton cried out, 'What are you here for again, you mad
girl?' She rushed up to him and hugged him; but when she looked at me, her
face was quite different—careless, defiant, as one might say—it
hurt me. I couldn't understand it, and what one doesn't understand
"Time went on. There was no swordsman, or pistol-shot like me in London,
they said. We had as many pupils as we liked—it was the only part of
my life when I have been able to save money. I had no chance to spend it.
We gave lessons all day, and in the evening were too tired to go out. That
year I had the misfortune to lose my dear mother. I became a rich man—yes,
sir, at that time I must have had not less than six hundred a year.
"It was a long time before I saw Eilie again. She went abroad to Dresden
with her father's sister to learn French and German. It was in the autumn
of 1875 when she came back to us. She was seventeen then—a beautiful
young creature." He paused, as if to gather his forces for description,
and went on.
"Tall, as a young tree, with eyes like the sky. I would not say she was
perfect, but her imperfections were beautiful to me. What is it makes you
love—ah! sir, that is very hidden and mysterious. She had never lost
the trick of closing her lips tightly when she remembered her uneven
tooth. You may say that was vanity, but in a young girl—and which of
us is not vain, eh? 'Old men and maidens, young men and children!'
"As I said, she came back to London to her little room, and in the
evenings was always ready with our tea. You mustn't suppose she was
housewifely; there is something in me that never admired housewifeliness—a
fine quality, no doubt, still—" He sighed.
"No," he resumed, "Eilie was not like that, for she was never quite the
same two days together. I told you her eyes were like the sky—that
was true of all of her. In one thing, however, at that time, she always
seemed the same—in love for her father. For me! I don't know what I
should have expected; but my presence seemed to have the effect of making
her dumb; I would catch her looking at me with a frown, and then, as if to
make up to her own nature—and a more loving nature never came into
this world, that I shall maintain to my dying day—she would go to
her father and kiss him. When I talked with him she pretended not to
notice, but I could see her face grow cold and stubborn. I am not quick;
and it was a long time before I understood that she was jealous, she
wanted him all to herself. I've often wondered how she could be his
daughter, for he was the very soul of justice and a slow man too—and
she was as quick as a bird. For a long time after I saw her dislike of me,
I refused to believe it—if one does not want to believe a thing
there are always reasons why it should not seem true, at least so it is
with me, and I suppose with all selfish men.
"I spent evening after evening there, when, if I had not thought only of
myself, I should have kept away. But one day I could no longer be blind.
"It was a Sunday in February. I always had an invitation on Sundays to
dine with them in the middle of the day. There was no one in the
sitting-room; but the door of Eilie's bedroom was open. I heard her voice:
'That man, always that man!' It was enough for me, I went down again
without coming in, and walked about all day.
"For three weeks I kept away. To the school of course I came as usual, but
not upstairs. I don't know what I told Dalton—it did not signify
what you told him, he always had a theory of his own, and was persuaded of
its truth—a very single-minded man, sir.
"But now I come to the most wonderful days of my life. It was an early
spring that year. I had fallen away already from my resolution, and used
to slink up—seldom, it's true—and spend the evening with them
as before. One afternoon I came up to the sitting-room; the light was
failing—it was warm, and the windows were open. In the air was that
feeling which comes to you once a year, in the spring, no matter where you
may be, in a crowded street, or alone in a forest; only once—a
feeling like—but I cannot describe it.
"Eilie was sitting there. If you don't know, sir, I can't tell you what it
means to be near the woman one loves. She was leaning on the windowsill,
staring down into the street. It was as though she might be looking out
for some one. I stood, hardly breathing. She turned her head, and saw me.
Her eyes were strange. They seemed to ask me a question. But I couldn't
have spoken for the world. I can't tell you what I felt—I dared not
speak, or think, or hope. I have been in nineteen battles—several
times in positions of some danger, when the lifting of a finger perhaps
meant death; but I have never felt what I was feeling at that moment. I
knew something was coming; and I was paralysed with terror lest it should
not come!" He drew a long breath.
"The servant came in with a light and broke the spell. All that night I
lay awake and thought of how she had looked at me, with the colour coming
slowly up in her cheeks—
"It was three days before I plucked up courage to go again; and then I
felt her eyes on me at once—she was making a 'cat's cradle' with a
bit of string, but I could see them stealing up from her hands to my face.
And she went wandering about the room, fingering at everything. When her
father called out: 'What's the matter with you, Elie?' she stared at him
like a child caught doing wrong. I looked straight at her then, she tried
to look at me, but she couldn't; and a minute later she went out of the
room. God knows what sort of nonsense I talked—I was too happy.
"Then began our love. I can't tell you of that time. Often and often
Dalton said to me: 'What's come to the child? Nothing I can do pleases
her.' All the love she had given him was now for me; but he was too simple
and straight to see what was going on. How many times haven't I felt
criminal towards him! But when you're happy, with the tide in your favour,
you become a coward at once...."
"Well, sir," he went on, "we were married on her eighteenth birthday. It
was a long time before Dalton became aware of our love. But one day he
said to me with a very grave look:
"'Eilie has told me, Brune; I forbid it. She's too young, and you're—too
old!' I was then forty-five, my hair as black and thick as a rook's
feathers, and I was strong and active. I answered him: 'We shall be
married within a month!' We parted in anger. It was a May night, and I
walked out far into the country. There's no remedy for anger, or, indeed,
for anything, so fine as walking. Once I stopped—it was on a common,
without a house or light, and the stars shining like jewels. I was hot
from walking, I could feel the blood boiling in my veins—I said to
myself 'Old, are you?' And I laughed like a fool. It was the thought of
losing her—I wished to believe myself angry, but really I was
afraid; fear and anger in me are very much the same. A friend of mine, a
bit of a poet, sir, once called them 'the two black wings of self.' And so
they are, so they are...! The next morning I went to Dalton again, and
somehow I made him yield. I'm not a philosopher, but it has often seemed
to me that no benefit can come to us in this life without an equal loss
somewhere, but does that stop us? No, sir, not often....
"We were married on the 30th of June 1876, in the parish church. The only
people present were Dalton, Lucy, and Lucy's husband—a big,
red-faced fellow, with blue eyes and a golden beard parted in two. It had
been arranged that we should spend the honeymoon down at their inn on the
river. My wife, Dalton and I, went to a restaurant for lunch. She was
dressed in grey, the colour of a pigeon's feathers." He paused, leaning
forward over the crutch handle of his stick; trying to conjure up, no
doubt, that long-ago image of his young bride in her dress "the colour of
a pigeon's feathers," with her blue eyes and yellow hair, the little frown
between her brows, the firmly shut red lips, opening to speak the words,
"For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in
"At that time, sir," he went on suddenly, "I was a bit of a dandy. I wore,
I remember, a blue frock-coat, with white trousers, and a grey top hat.
Even now I should always prefer to be well dressed....
"We had an excellent lunch, and drank Veuve Clicquot, a wine that you
cannot get in these days! Dalton came with us to the railway station. I
can't bear partings; and yet, they must come.
"That evening we walked out in the cool under the aspen-trees. What should
I remember in all my life if not that night—the young bullocks
snuffling in the gateways—the campion flowers all lighted up along
the hedges—the moon with a halo-bats, too, in and out among the
stems, and the shadows of the cottages as black and soft as that sea down
there. For a long time we stood on the river-bank beneath a lime-tree. The
scent of the lime flowers! A man can only endure about half his joy; about
half his sorrow. Lucy and her husband," he went on, presently, "his name
was Frank Tor—a man like an old Viking, who ate nothing but milk,
bread, and fruit—were very good to us! It was like Paradise in that
inn—though the commissariat, I am bound to say, was limited. The
sweethriar grew round our bedroom windows; when the breeze blew the leaves
across the opening—it was like a bath of perfume. Eilie grew as
brown as a gipsy while we were there. I don't think any man could have
loved her more than I did. But there were times when my heart stood still;
it didn't seem as if she understood how much I loved her. One day, I
remember, she coaxed me to take her camping. We drifted down-stream all
the afternoon, and in the evening pulled into the reeds under the
willow-boughs and lit a fire for her to cook by—though, as a matter
of fact, our provisions were cooked already—but you know how it is;
all the romance was in having a real fire. 'We won't pretend,' she kept
saying. While we were eating our supper a hare came to our clearing—a
big fellow—how surprised he looked! 'The tall hare,' Eilie called
him. After that we sat by the ashes and watched the shadows, till at last
she roamed away from me. The time went very slowly; I got up to look for
her. It was past sundown. I called and called. It was a long time before I
found her—and she was like a wild thing, hot and flushed, her pretty
frock torn, her hands and face scratched, her hair down, like some
beautiful creature of the woods. If one loves, a little thing will scare
one. I didn't think she had noticed my fright; but when we got back to the
boat she threw her arms round my neck, and said, 'I won't ever leave you
"Once in the night I woke—a water-hen was crying, and in the
moonlight a kingfisher flew across. The wonder on the river—the
wonder of the moon and trees, the soft bright mist, the stillness! It was
like another world, peaceful, enchanted, far holier than ours. It seemed
like a vision of the thoughts that come to one—how seldom! and go if
one tries to grasp them. Magic—poetry-sacred!" He was silent a
minute, then went on in a wistful voice: "I looked at her, sleeping like a
child, with her hair loose, and her lips apart, and I thought: 'God do so
to me, if ever I bring her pain!' How was I to understand her? the mystery
and innocence of her soul! The river has had all my light and all my
darkness, the happiest days, and the hours when I've despaired; and I like
to think of it, for, you know, in time bitter memories fade, only the good
remain.... Yet the good have their own pain, a different kind of aching,
for we shall never get them back. Sir," he said, turning to me with a
faint smile, "it's no use crying over spilt milk.... In the neighbourhood
of Lucy's inn, the Rose and Maybush—Can you imagine a prettier name?
I have been all over the world, and nowhere found names so pretty as in
the English country. There, too, every blade of grass; and flower, has a
kind of pride about it; knows it will be cared for; and all the roads,
trees, and cottages, seem to be certain that they will live for ever....
But I was going to tell you: Half a mile from the inn was a quiet old
house which we used to call the 'Convent'—though I believe it was a
farm. We spent many afternoons there, trespassing in the orchard—Eilie
was fond of trespassing; if there were a long way round across somebody
else's property, she would always take it. We spent our last afternoon in
that orchard, lying in the long grass. I was reading Childe Harold for the
first time—a wonderful, a memorable poem! I was at that passage—the
"'Thrice sounds the clarion; lo! the signal falls,
The din expands, and expectation mute'
—"when suddenly Eilie said: 'Suppose I were to leave off loving
you?' It was as if some one had struck me in the face. I jumped up, and
tried to take her in my arms, but she slipped away; then she turned, and
began laughing softly. I laughed too. I don't know why...."
"We went back to London the next day; we lived quite close to the school,
and about five days a week Dalton came to dine with us. He would have come
every day, if he had not been the sort of man who refuses to consult his
own pleasure. We had more pupils than ever. In my leisure I taught my wife
to fence. I have never seen any one so lithe and quick; or so beautiful as
she looked in her fencing dress, with embroidered shoes.
"I was completely happy. When a man has obtained his desire he becomes
careless and self-satisfied; I was watchful, however, for I knew that I
was naturally a selfish man. I studied to arrange my time and save my
money, to give her as much pleasure as I could. What she loved best in the
world just then was riding. I bought a horse for her, and in the evenings
of the spring and summer we rode together; but when it was too dark to go
out late, she would ride alone, great distances, sometimes spend the whole
day in the saddle, and come back so tired she could hardly walk upstairs—I
can't say that I liked that. It made me nervous, she was so headlong—but
I didn't think it right to interfere with her. I had a good deal of
anxiety about money, for though I worked hard and made more than ever,
there never seemed enough. I was anxious to save—I hoped, of course—but
we had no child, and this was a trouble to me. She grew more beautiful
than ever, and I think was happy. Has it ever struck you that each one of
us lives on the edge of a volcano? There is, I imagine, no one who has not
some affection or interest so strong that he counts the rest for nothing,
beside it. No doubt a man may live his life through without discovering
that. But some of us—! I am not complaining; what is—is." He
pulled the cap lower over his eyes, and clutched his hands firmly on the
top of his stick. He was like a man who rushes his horse at some hopeless
fence, unwilling to give himself time, for fear of craning at the last
moment. "In the spring of '78, a new pupil came to me, a young man of
twenty-one who was destined for the army. I took a fancy to him, and did
my best to turn him into a good swordsman; but there was a kind of
perverse recklessness in him; for a few minutes one would make a great
impression, then he would grow utterly careless. 'Francis,' I would say,
'if I were you I should be ashamed.' 'Mr. Brune,' he would answer, 'why
should I be ashamed? I didn't make myself.' God knows, I wish to do him
justice, he had a heart—one day he drove up in a cab, and brought in
his poor dog, who had been run over, and was dying: For half an hour he
shut himself up with its body, we could hear him sobbing like a child; he
came out with his eyes all red, and cried: 'I know where to find the brute
who drove over him,' and off he rushed. He had beautiful Italian eyes; a
slight figure, not very tall; dark hair, a little dark moustache; and his
lips were always a trifle parted—it was that, and his walk, and the
way he drooped his eyelids, which gave him a peculiar, soft, proud look. I
used to tell him that he'd never make a soldier! 'Oh!' he'd answer,
'that'll be all right when the time comes! He believed in a kind of luck
that was to do everything for him, when the time came. One day he came in
as I was giving Eilie her lesson. This was the first time they saw each
other. After that he came more often, and sometimes stayed to dinner with
us. I won't deny, sir, that I was glad to welcome him; I thought it good
for Eilie. Can there be anything more odious," he burst out, "than such a
self-complacent blindness? There are people who say, 'Poor man, he had
such faith!' Faith, sir! Conceit! I was a fool—in this world one
pays for folly....
"The summer came; and one Saturday in early June, Eilie, I, and Francis—I
won't tell you his other name—went riding. The night had been wet;
there was no dust, and presently the sun came out—a glorious day! We
rode a long way. About seven o'clock we started back-slowly, for it was
still hot, and there was all the cool of night before us. It was nine
o'clock when we came to Richmond Park. A grand place, Richmond Park; and
in that half-light wonderful, the deer moving so softly, you might have
thought they were spirits. We were silent too—great trees have that
effect on me....
"Who can say when changes come? Like a shift of the wind, the old passes,
the new is on you. I am telling you now of a change like that. Without a
sign of warning, Eilie put her horse into a gallop. 'What are you doing?'
I shouted. She looked back with a smile, then he dashed past me too. A
hornet might have stung them both: they galloped over fallen trees, under
low hanging branches, up hill and down. I had to watch that madness! My
horse was not so fast. I rode like a demon; but fell far behind. I am not
a man who takes things quietly. When I came up with them at last, I could
not speak for rage. They were riding side by side, the reins on the
horses' necks, looking in each other's faces. 'You should take care,' I
said. 'Care!' she cried; 'life is not all taking care!' My anger left me.
I dropped behind, as grooms ride behind their mistresses... Jealousy! No
torture is so ceaseless or so black.... In those minutes a hundred things
came up in me—a hundred memories, true, untrue, what do I know? My
soul was poisoned. I tried to reason with myself. It was absurd to think
such things! It was unmanly.... Even if it were true, one should try to be
a gentleman! But I found myself laughing; yes, sir, laughing at that
word." He spoke faster, as if pouring his heart out not to a live
listener, but to the night. "I could not sleep that night. To lie near her
with those thoughts in my brain was impossible! I made an excuse, and sat
up with some papers. The hardest thing in life is to see a thing coming
and be able to do nothing to prevent it. What could I do? Have you noticed
how people may become utter strangers without a word? It only needs a
thought.... The very next day she said: 'I want to go to Lucy's.' 'Alone?'
'Yes.' I had made up my mind by then that she must do just as she wished.
Perhaps I acted wrongly; I do not know what one ought to do in such a
case; but before she went I said to her: 'Eilie, what is it?' 'I don't
know,' she answered; and I kissed her—that was all.... A month
passed; I wrote to her nearly every day, and I had short letters from her,
telling me very little of herself. Dalton was a torture to me, for I could
not tell him; he had a conviction that she was going to become a mother.
'Ah, Brune!' he said, 'my poor wife was just like that.' Life, sir, is a
somewhat ironical affair...! He—I find it hard to speak his name—came
to the school two or three times a week. I used to think I saw a change, a
purpose growing up through his recklessness; there seemed a violence in
him as if he chafed against my blade. I had a kind of joy in feeling I had
the mastery, and could toss the iron out of his hand any minute like a
straw. I was ashamed, and yet I gloried in it. Jealousy is a low thing,
sir—a low, base thing! When he asked me where my wife was, I told
him; I was too proud to hide it. Soon after that he came no more to the
"One morning, when I could bear it no longer, I wrote, and said I was
coming down. I would not force myself on her, but I asked her to meet me
in the orchard of the old house we called the Convent. I asked her to be
there at four o'clock. It has always been my belief that a man must
neither beg anything of a woman, nor force anything from her. Women are
generous—they will give you what they can. I sealed my letter, and
posted it myself. All the way down I kept on saying to myself, 'She must
come—surely she will come!'"
"I was in high spirits, but the next moment trembled like a man with ague.
I reached the orchard before my time. She was not there. You know what it
is like to wait? I stood still and listened; I went to the point whence I
could see farthest; I said to myself, 'A watched pot never boils; if I
don't look for her she will come.' I walked up and down with my eyes on
the ground. The sickness of it! A hundred times I took out my watch....
Perhaps it was fast, perhaps hers was slow—I can't tell you a
thousandth part of my hopes and fears. There was a spring of water, in one
corner. I sat beside it, and thought of the last time I had been there—and
something seemed to burst in me. It was five o'clock before I lost all
hope; there comes a time when you're glad that hope is dead, it means
rest. 'That's over,' you say, 'now I can act.' But what was I to do? I lay
down with my face to the ground; when one's in trouble, it's the only
thing that helps—something to press against and cling to that can't
give way. I lay there for two hours, knowing all the time that I should
play the coward. At seven o'clock I left the orchard and went towards the
inn; I had broken my word, but I felt happy.... I should see her—and,
sir, nothing—nothing seemed to matter beside that. Tor was in the
garden snipping at his roses. He came up, and I could see that he couldn't
look me in the face. 'Where's my wife?' I said. He answered, 'Let's get
Lucy.' I ran indoors. Lucy met me with two letters; the first—my own—unopened;
and the second, this:
"'I have left you. You were good to me, but now—it is no use.
"She told me that a boy had brought a letter for my wife the day before,
from a young gentleman in a boat. When Lucy delivered it she asked, 'Who
is he, Miss Eilie? What will Mr. Brune say?' My wife looked at her
angrily, but gave her no answer—and all that day she never spoke. In
the evening she was gone, leaving this note on the bed.... Lucy cried as
if her heart would break. I took her by the shoulders and put her from the
room; I couldn't bear the noise. I sat down and tried to think. While I
was sitting there Tor came in with a letter. It was written on the
notepaper of an inn twelve miles up the river: these were the words.
"'Eilie is mine. I am ready to meet you where you like.'"
He went on with a painful evenness of speech. "When I read those words, I
had only one thought—to reach them; I ran down to the river, and
chose out the lightest boat. Just as I was starting, Tor came running.
'You dropped this letter, sir,' he said. 'Two pair of arms are better than
one.' He came into the boat. I took the sculls and I pulled out into the
stream. I pulled like a madman; and that great man, with his bare arms
crossed, was like a huge, tawny bull sitting there opposite me. Presently
he took my place, and I took the rudder lines. I could see his chest,
covered with hair, heaving up and down, it gave me a sort of comfort—it
meant that we were getting nearer. Then it grew dark, there was no moon, I
could barely see the bank; there's something in the dark which drives one
into oneself. People tell you there comes a moment when your nature is
decided—'saved' or 'lost' as they call it—for good or evil.
That is not true, your self is always with you, and cannot be altered;
but, sir, I believe that in a time of agony one finds out what are the
things one can do, and what are those one cannot. You get to know
yourself, that's all. And so it was with me. Every thought and memory and
passion was so clear and strong! I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill
myself. But her—no! We are taught that we possess our wives, body
and soul, we are brought up in that faith, we are commanded to believe it—but
when I was face to face with it, those words had no meaning; that belief,
those commands, they were without meaning to me, they were—vile. Oh
yes, I wanted to find comfort in them, I wanted to hold on to them—but
I couldn't. You may force a body; how can you force a soul? No, no—cowardly!
But I wanted to—I wanted to kill him and force her to come back to
me! And then, suddenly, I felt as if I were pressing right on the most
secret nerve of my heart. I seemed to see her face, white and quivering,
as if I'd stamped my heel on it. They say this world is ruled by force; it
may be true—I know I have a weak spot in me.... I couldn't bear it.
At last I Jumped to my feet and shouted out, 'Turn the boat round!' Tor
looked up at me as if I had gone mad. And I had gone mad. I seized the
boat-hook and threatened him; I called him fearful names. 'Sir,' he said,
'I don't take such names from any one!' 'You'll take them from me,' I
shouted; 'turn the boat round, you idiot, you hound, you fish!...' I have
a terrible temper, a perfect curse to me. He seemed amazed, even
frightened; he sat down again suddenly and pulled the boat round. I fell
on the seat, and hid my face. I believe the moon came up; there must have
been a mist too, for I was cold as death. In this life, sir, we cannot
hide our faces—but by degrees the pain of wounds grows less. Some
will have it that such blows are mortal; it is not so. Time is merciful.
"In the early morning I went back to London. I had fever on me—and
was delirious. I dare say I should have killed myself if I had not been so
used to weapons—they and I were too old friends, I suppose—I
can't explain. It was a long while before I was up and about. Dalton
nursed me through it; his great heavy moustache had grown quite white. We
never mentioned her; what was the good? There were things to settle of
course, the lawyer—this was unspeakably distasteful to me. I told
him it was to be as she wished, but the fellow would come to me, with his—there,
I don't want to be unkind. I wished him to say it was my fault, but he
said—I remember his smile now—he said, that was impossible,
would be seen through, talked of collusion—I don't understand these
things, and what's more, I can't bear them, they are—dirty.
"Two years later, when I had come back to London, after the Russo-Turkish
war, I received a letter from her. I have it here." He took an old, yellow
sheet of paper out of a leathern pockethook, spread it in his fingers, and
sat staring at it. For some minutes he did not speak.
"In the autumn of that same year she died in childbirth. He had deserted
her. Fortunately for him, he was killed on the Indian frontier, that very
year. If she had lived she would have been thirty-two next June; not a
great age.... I know I am what they call a crank; doctors will tell you
that you can't be cured of a bad illness, and be the same man again. If
you are bent, to force yourself straight must leave you weak in another
place. I must and will think well of women—everything done, and
everything said against them is a stone on her dead body. Could you sit,
and listen to it?" As though driven by his own question, he rose, and
paced up and down. He came back to the seat at last.
"That, sir, is the reason of my behaviour this afternoon, and again this
evening. You have been so kind, I wanted!—wanted to tell you. She
had a little daughter—Lucy has her now. My friend Dalton is dead;
there would have been no difficulty about money, but, I am sorry to say,
that he was swindled—disgracefully. It fell to me to administer his
affairs—he never knew it, but he died penniless; he had trusted some
wretched fellows—had an idea they would make his fortune. As I very
soon found, they had ruined him. It was impossible to let Lucy—such
a dear woman—bear that burden. I have tried to make provision; but,
you see," he took hold of my sleeve, "I, too, have not been fortunate; in
fact, it's difficult to save a great deal out of L 190 a year; but the
capital is perfectly safe—and I get L 47, 10s. a quarter, paid on
the nail. I have often been tempted to reinvest at a greater rate of
interest, but I've never dared. Anyway, there are no debts—I've been
obliged to make a rule not to buy what I couldn't pay for on the spot....
Now I am really plaguing you—but I wanted to tell you—in
case-anything should happen to me." He seemed to take a sudden scare,
stiffened, twisted his moustache, and muttering, "Your great kindness!
Shall never forget!" turned hurriedly away.
He vanished; his footsteps, and the tap of his stick grew fainter and
fainter. They died out. He was gone. Suddenly I got up and hastened after
him. I soon stopped—what was there to say?
The following day I was obliged to go to Nice, and did not return till
midnight. The porter told me that Jules le Ferrier had been to see me. The
next morning, while I was still in bed, the door was opened, and Jules
appeared. His face was very pale; and the moment he stood still drops of
perspiration began coursing down his cheeks.
"Georges!" he said, "he is dead. There, there! How stupid you look! My man
is packing. I have half an hour before the train; my evidence shall come
from Italy. I have done my part, the rest is for you. Why did you have
that dinner? The Don Quixote! The idiot! The poor man! Don't move! Have
you a cigar? Listen! When you followed him, I followed the other two. My
infernal curiosity! Can you conceive a greater folly? How fast they
walked, those two! feeling their cheeks, as if he had struck them both,
you know; it was funny. They soon saw me, for their eyes were all round
about their heads; they had the mark of a glove on their cheeks." The
colour began to come back, into Jules's face; he gesticulated with his
cigar and became more and more dramatic. "They waited for me. 'Tiens!'
said one, 'this gentleman was with him. My friend's name is M. Le Baron de—-.
The man who struck him was an odd-looking person; kindly inform me whether
it is possible for my friend to meet him?' Eh!" commented Jules, "he was
offensive! Was it for me to give our dignity away? 'Perfectly, monsieur!'
I answered. 'In that case,' he said, 'please give me his name and ad
dress.... I could not remember his name, and as for the address, I never
knew it...! I reflected. 'That,' I said, 'I am unable to do, for special
reasons.' 'Aha!' he said, 'reasons that will prevent our fighting him, I
suppose? 'On the contrary,' I said. 'I will convey your request to him; I
may mention that I have heard he is the best swordsman and pistol-shot in
Europe. Good-night!' I wished to give them something to dream of, you
understand.... Patience, my dear! Patience! I was, coming to you, but I
thought I would let them sleep on it—there was plenty of time! But
yesterday morning I came into the Place, and there he was on the bench,
with a big dog. I declare to you he blushed like a young girl. 'Sir,' he
said, 'I was hoping to meet you; last evening I made a great disturbance.
I took an unpardonable liberty'—and he put in my hand an envelope.
My friend, what do you suppose it contained—a pair of gloves! Senor
Don Punctilioso, hein? He was the devil, this friend of yours; he
fascinated me with his gentle eyes and his white moustachettes, his
humility, his flames—poor man...! I told him I had been asked to
take him a challenge. 'If anything comes of it,' I said, 'make use of me!'
'Is that so?' he said. 'I am most grateful for your kind offer. Let me see—it
is so long since I fought a duel. The sooner it's over the better. Could
you arrange to-morrow morning? Weapons? Yes; let them choose.' You see, my
friend, there was no hanging back here; nous voila en train."
Jules took out his watch. "I have sixteen minutes. It is lucky for you
that you were away yesterday, or you would be in my shoes now. I fixed the
place, right hand of the road to Roquebrune, just by the railway cutting,
and the time—five-thirty of the morning. It was arranged that I
should call for him. Disgusting hour; I have not been up so early since I
fought Jacques Tirbaut in '85. At five o'clock I found him ready and
drinking tea with rum in it—singular man! he made me have some too,
brrr! He was shaved, and dressed in that old frock-coat. His great dog
jumped into the carriage, but he bade her get out, took her paws on his
shoulders, and whispered in her ear some Italian words; a charm, hein! and
back she went, the tail between the legs. We drove slowly, so as not to
shake his arm. He was more gay than I. All the way he talked to me of you:
how kind you were! how good you had been to him! 'You do not speak of
yourself!' I said. 'Have you no friends, nothing to say? Sometimes an
accident will happen!' 'Oh!' he answered, 'there is no danger; but if by
any chance—well, there is a letter in my pocket.' 'And if you should
kill him?' I said. 'But I shall not,' he answered slyly: 'do you think I
am going to fire at him? No, no; he is too young.' 'But,' I said, 'I—'I
am not going to stand that!' 'Yes,' he replied, 'I owe him a shot; but
there is no danger—not the least danger.' We had arrived; already
they were there. Ah bah! You know the preliminaries, the politeness—this
duelling, you know, it is absurd, after all. We placed them at twenty
paces. It is not a bad place. There are pine-trees round, and rocks; at
that hour it was cool and grey as a church. I handed him the pistol. How
can I describe him to you, standing there, smoothing the barrel with his
fingers! 'What a beautiful thing a good pistol!' he said. 'Only a fool or
a madman throws away his life,' I said. 'Certainly,' he replied,
'certainly; but there is no danger,' and he regarded me, raising his
"There they stood then, back to back, with the mouths of their pistols to
the sky. 'Un!' I cried, 'deux! tirez!' They turned, I saw the smoke of his
shot go straight up like a prayer; his pistol dropped. I ran to him. He
looked surprised, put out his hand, and fell into my arms. He was dead.
Those fools came running up. 'What is it?' cried one. I made him a bow.
'As you see,' I said; 'you have made a pretty shot. My friend fired in the
air. Messieurs, you had better breakfast in Italy.' We carried him to the
carriage, and covered him with a rug; the others drove for the frontier. I
brought him to his room. Here is his letter." Jules stopped; tears were
running down his face. "He is dead; I have closed his eyes. Look here, you
know, we are all of us cads—it is the rule; but this—this,
perhaps, was the exception." And without another word he rushed away....
Outside the old fellow's lodging a dismounted cocher was standing
disconsolate in the sun. "How was I to know they were going to fight a
duel?" he burst out on seeing me. "He had white hair—I call you to
witness he had white hair. This is bad for me: they will ravish my
licence. Aha! you will see—this is bad for me!" I gave him the slip
and found my way upstairs. The old fellow was alone, lying on the bed, his
feet covered with a rug as if he might feel cold; his eyes were closed,
but in this sleep of death, he still had that air of faint surprise. At
full length, watching the bed intently, Freda lay, as she lay nightly when
he was really asleep. The shutters were half open; the room still smelt
slightly of rum. I stood for a long time looking at the face: the little
white fans of moustache brushed upwards even in death, the hollows in his
cheeks, the quiet of his figure; he was like some old knight.... The dog
broke the spell. She sat up, and resting her paws on the bed, licked his
face. I went downstairs—I couldn't bear to hear her howl. This was
his letter to me, written in a pointed handwriting:
"MY DEAR SIR,—Should you read this, I shall be gone. I am ashamed to
trouble you—a man should surely manage so as not to give trouble;
and yet I believe you will not consider me importunate. If, then, you will
pick up the pieces of an old fellow, I ask you to have my sword, the
letter enclosed in this, and the photograph that stands on the stove
buried with me. My will and the acknowledgments of my property are between
the leaves of the Byron in my tin chest; they should go to Lucy Tor—address
thereon. Perhaps you will do me the honour to retain for yourself any of
my books that may give you pleasure. In the Pilgrim's Progress you will
find some excellent recipes for Turkish coffee, Italian and Spanish
dishes, and washing wounds. The landlady's daughter speaks Italian, and
she would, I know, like to have Freda; the poor dog will miss me. I have
read of old Indian warriors taking their horses and dogs with them to the
happy hunting-grounds. Freda would come—noble animals are dogs! She
eats once a day—a good large meal—and requires much salt. If
you have animals of your own, sir, don't forget—all animals require
salt. I have no debts, thank God! The money in my pockets would bury me
decently—not that there is any danger. And I am ashamed to weary you
with details—the least a man can do is not to make a fuss—and
yet he must be found ready.—Sir, with profound gratitude, your
Everything was as he had said. The photograph on the stove was that of a
young girl of nineteen or twenty, dressed in an old-fashioned style, with
hair gathered backward in a knot. The eyes gazed at you with a little
frown, the lips were tightly closed; the expression of the face was eager,
quick, wilful, and, above all, young.
The tin trunk was scented with dry fragments of some herb, the history of
which in that trunk man knoweth not.... There were a few clothes, but very
few, all older than those he usually wore. Besides the Byron and Pilgrim's
Progress were Scott's Quentin Durward, Captain Marryat's Midshipman Easy,
a pocket Testament, and a long and frightfully stiff book on the art of
fortifying towns, much thumbed, and bearing date 1863. By far the most
interesting thing I found, however, was a diary, kept down to the
preceding Christmas. It was a pathetic document, full of calculations of
the price of meals; resolutions to be careful over this or that; doubts
whether he must not give up smoking; sentences of fear that Freda had not
enough to eat. It appeared that he had tried to live on ninety pounds a
year, and send the other hundred pounds home to Lucy for the child; in
this struggle he was always failing, having to send less than the
amount-the entries showed that this was a nightmare to him. The last
words, written on Christmas Day, were these "What is the use of writing
this, since it records nothing but failure!"
The landlady's daughter and myself were at the funeral. The same afternoon
I went into the concert-room, where I had spoken to him first. When I came
out Freda was lying at the entrance, looking into the faces of every one
that passed, and sniffing idly at their heels. Close by the landlady's
daughter hovered, a biscuit in her hand, and a puzzled, sorry look on her