Caught with Fence Rail Latin
It requires no extraordinary shrewdness in a person of capable
intelligence to expose a pretender,–especially a quack, who appears in
the "borrowed feathers" of assumed learning. Lawyers have so much of
this stripping work to do that it forms their cheapest fun; but it is
fun, nevertheless. The Louisville Courier-Journal says:
Judge Black, of Pennsylvania, tells a comical story of a trial in which
a German doctor appeared for the defence in a case for damages brought
against a client of his by the object of his assault.
The eminent jurist soon recognized in his witness, who was produced as a
medical expert, a laboring man who some years before, and in another
part of the country, had been engaged by him as a builder of post and
rail fences. With this cue he opened his examination. "You say, doctor,"
he began, with great diffidence and suavity, "that you operated upon Mr.
——'s head after it was cut by Mr. ——?"
"Oh, yaw," replied the ex-fence builder; "me do dat; yaw, yaw."
"Was the wound a very severe one, doctor?"
"Enough to kill him if I not save his life."
"Well, doctor, what did you do for him?"
"Did you perform the Caesarean operation?"
"Oh, yaw, yaw; if me not do dat he die."
"Did you decapitate him?"
"Yaw, yaw, me do dat, too."
"Did you hold a post mortem examination?"
"Oh, to be schure, Schudge! Me always do dat."
"Well, now, doctor," and here the judge bent over in a friendly,
familiar way, "tell us whether you submitted your patient to the process
known among medical men as the post and rail fenciorum?"
The mock doctor drew himself up indignantly. "Scherry Plack," says he,
"I always know'd you vas a jayhawk lawyer, an' now I know you for a mean
Oil and Vinegar. – "Remember," said a trading Quaker to his son, "in
making thy way in the world, a spoonful of oil will go farther than a
quart of vinegar."