A Society by Virginia Woolf
This is how it all came about. Six or seven of us were sitting one day
after tea. Some were gazing across the street into the windows of a
milliner's shop where the light still shone brightly upon scarlet
feathers and golden slippers. Others were idly occupied in building
little towers of sugar upon the edge of the tea tray. After a time, so
far as I can remember, we drew round the fire and began as usual to
praise men—how strong, how noble, how brilliant, how courageous, how
beautiful they were—how we envied those who by hook or by crook managed
to get attached to one for life—when Poll, who had said nothing, burst
into tears. Poll, I must tell you, has always been queer. For one thing
her father was a strange man. He left her a fortune in his will, but on
condition that she read all the books in the London Library. We
comforted her as best we could; but we knew in our hearts how vain it
was. For though we like her, Poll is no beauty; leaves her shoe laces
untied; and must have been thinking, while we praised men, that not one
of them would ever wish to marry her. At last she dried her tears. For
some time we could make nothing of what she said. Strange enough it was
in all conscience. She told us that, as we knew, she spent most of her
time in the London Library, reading. She had begun, she said, with
English literature on the top floor; and was steadily working her way
down to the Times on the bottom. And now half, or perhaps only a
quarter, way through a terrible thing had happened. She could read no
more. Books were not what we thought them. "Books," she cried, rising to
her feet and speaking with an intensity of desolation which I shall
never forget, "are for the most part unutterably bad!"
Of course we cried out that Shakespeare wrote books, and Milton and Shelley.
"Oh, yes," she interrupted us. "You've been well taught, I can see. But
you are not members of the London Library." Here her sobs broke forth
anew. At length, recovering a little, she opened one of the pile of
books which she always carried about with her—"From a Window" or "In a
Garden," or some such name as that it was called, and it was written by
a man called Benton or Henson, or something of that kind. She read the
first few pages. We listened in silence. "But that's not a book,"
someone said. So she chose another. This time it was a history, but I
have forgotten the writer's name. Our trepidation increased as she went
on. Not a word of it seemed to be true, and the style in which it was
written was execrable.
"Poetry! Poetry!" we cried, impatiently. "Read us poetry!" I cannot
describe the desolation which fell upon us as she opened a little volume
and mouthed out the verbose, sentimental foolery which it contained.
"It must have been written by a woman," one of us urged. But no. She
told us that it was written by a young man, one of the most famous poets
of the day. I leave you to imagine what the shock of the discovery was.
Though we all cried and begged her to read no more, she persisted and
read us extracts from the Lives of the Lord Chancellors. When she had
finished, Jane, the eldest and wisest of us, rose to her feet and said
that she for one was not convinced.
"Why," she asked, "if men write such rubbish as this, should our mothers
have wasted their youth in bringing them into the world?"
We were all silent; and, in the silence, poor Poll could be heard
sobbing out, "Why, why did my father teach me to read?"
Clorinda was the first to come to her senses. "It's all our fault," she
said. "Every one of us knows how to read. But no one, save Poll, has
ever taken the trouble to do it. I, for one, have taken it for granted
that it was a woman's duty to spend her youth in bearing children. I
venerated my mother for bearing ten; still more my grandmother for
bearing fifteen; it was, I confess, my own ambition to bear twenty. We
have gone on all these ages supposing that men were equally industrious,
and that their works were of equal merit. While we have borne the
children, they, we supposed, have borne the books and the pictures. We
have populated the world. They have civilized it. But now that we can
read, what prevents us from judging the results? Before we bring another
child into the world we must swear that we will find out what the world is like."
So we made ourselves into a society for asking questions. One of us was
to visit a man-of-war; another was to hide herself in a scholar's study;
another was to attend a meeting of business men; while all were to read
books, look at pictures, go to concerts, keep our eyes open in the
streets, and ask questions perpetually. We were very young. You can
judge of our simplicity when I tell you that before parting that night
we agreed that the objects of life were to produce good people and good
books. Our questions were to be directed to finding out how far these
objects were now attained by men. We vowed solemnly that we would not
bear a single child until we were satisfied.
Off we went then, some to the British Museum; others to the King's Navy;
some to Oxford; others to Cambridge; we visited the Royal Academy and
the Tate; heard modern music in concert rooms, went to the Law Courts,
and saw new plays. No one dined out without asking her partner certain
questions and carefully noting his replies. At intervals we met together
and compared our observations. Oh, those were merry meetings! Never have
I laughed so much as I did when Rose read her notes upon "Honour" and
described how she had dressed herself as an Æthiopian Prince and gone
aboard one of His Majesty's ships. Discovering the hoax, the Captain
visited her (now disguised as a private gentleman) and demanded that
honour should be satisfied. "But how?" she asked. "How?" he bellowed.
"With the cane of course!" Seeing that he was beside himself with rage
and expecting that her last moment had come, she bent over and received,
to her amazement, six light taps upon the behind. "The honour of the
British Navy is avenged!" he cried, and, raising herself, she saw him
with the sweat pouring down his face holding out a trembling right hand.
"Away!" she exclaimed, striking an attitude and imitating the ferocity
of his own expression, "My honour has still to be satisfied!" "Spoken
like a gentleman!" he returned, and fell into profound thought. "If six
strokes avenge the honour of the King's Navy," he mused, "how many
avenge the honour of a private gentleman?" He said he would prefer to
lay the case before his brother officers. She replied haughtily that she
could not wait. He praised her sensibility. "Let me see," he cried
suddenly, "did your father keep a carriage?" "No," she said. "Or a
riding horse!" "We had a donkey," she bethought her, "which drew the
mowing machine." At this his face lighted. "My mother's name——" she
added. "For God's sake, man, don't mention your mother's name!" he
shrieked, trembling like an aspen and flushing to the roots of his hair,
and it was ten minutes at least before she could induce him to proceed.
At length he decreed that if she gave him four strokes and a half in the
small of the back at a spot indicated by himself (the half conceded, he
said, in recognition of the fact that her great grandmother's uncle was
killed at Trafalgar) it was his opinion that her honour would be as good
as new. This was done; they retired to a restaurant; drank two bottles
of wine for which he insisted upon paying; and parted with protestations
of eternal friendship.
Then we had Fanny's account of her visit to the Law Courts. At her first
visit she had come to the conclusion that the Judges were either made
of wood or were impersonated by large animals resembling man who had
been trained to move with extreme dignity, mumble and nod their heads.
To test her theory she had liberated a handkerchief of bluebottles at
the critical moment of a trial, but was unable to judge whether the
creatures gave signs of humanity for the buzzing of the flies induced so
sound a sleep that she only woke in time to see the prisoners led into
the cells below. But from the evidence she brought we voted that it is
unfair to suppose that the Judges are men.
Helen went to the Royal Academy, but when asked to deliver her report
upon the pictures she began to recite from a pale blue volume, "O! for
the touch of a vanished hand and the sound of a voice that is still.
Home is the hunter, home from the hill. He gave his bridle reins a
shake. Love is sweet, love is brief. Spring, the fair spring, is the
year's pleasant King. O! to be in England now that April's there. Men
must work and women must weep. The path of duty is the way to glory—"
We could listen to no more of this gibberish.
"We want no more poetry!" we cried.
"Daughters of England!" she began, but here we pulled her down, a vase
of water getting spilt over her in the scuffle.
"Thank God!" she exclaimed, shaking herself like a dog. "Now I'll roll
on the carpet and see if I can't brush off what remains of the Union
Jack. Then perhaps—" here she rolled energetically. Getting up she
began to explain to us what modern pictures are like when Castalia stopped her.
"What is the average size of a picture?" she asked. "Perhaps two feet by
two and a half," she said. Castalia made notes while Helen spoke, and
when she had done, and we were trying not to meet each other's eyes,
rose and said, "At your wish I spent last week at Oxbridge, disguised as
a charwoman. I thus had access to the rooms of several Professors and
will now attempt to give you some idea—only," she broke off, "I can't
think how to do it. It's all so queer. These Professors," she went on,
"live in large houses built round grass plots each in a kind of cell by
himself. Yet they have every convenience and comfort. You have only to
press a button or light a little lamp. Their papers are beautifully
filed. Books abound. There are no children or animals, save half a dozen
stray cats and one aged bullfinch—a cock. I remember," she broke off,
"an Aunt of mine who lived at Dulwich and kept cactuses. You reached the
conservatory through the double drawing-room, and there, on the hot
pipes, were dozens of them, ugly, squat, bristly little plants each in a
separate pot. Once in a hundred years the Aloe flowered, so my Aunt
said. But she died before that happened—" We told her to keep to the
point. "Well," she resumed, "when Professor Hobkin was out, I examined
his life work, an edition of Sappho. It's a queer looking book, six or
seven inches thick, not all by Sappho. Oh, no. Most of it is a defence
of Sappho's chastity, which some German had denied, and I can assure you
the passion with which these two gentlemen argued, the learning they
displayed, the prodigious ingenuity with which they disputed the use of
some implement which looked to me for all the world like a hairpin
astounded me; especially when the door opened and Professor Hobkin
himself appeared. A very nice, mild, old gentleman, but what could he
know about chastity?" We misunderstood her.
"No, no," she protested, "he's the soul of honour I'm sure—not that he
resembles Rose's sea captain in the least. I was thinking rather of my
Aunt's cactuses. What could they know about chastity?"
Again we told her not to wander from the point,—did the Oxbridge
professors help to produce good people and good books?—the objects of life.
"There!" she exclaimed. "It never struck me to ask. It never occurred
to me that they could possibly produce anything."
"I believe," said Sue, "that you made some mistake. Probably Professor
Hobkin was a gynæcologist. A scholar is a very different sort of man. A
scholar is overflowing with humour and invention—perhaps addicted to
wine, but what of that?—a delightful companion, generous, subtle,
imaginative—as stands to reason. For he spends his life in company with
the finest human beings that have ever existed."
"Hum," said Castalia. "Perhaps I'd better go back and try again."
Some three months later it happened that I was sitting alone when
Castalia entered. I don't know what it was in the look of her that so
moved me; but I could not restrain myself, and, dashing across the room,
I clasped her in my arms. Not only was she very beautiful; she seemed
also in the highest spirits. "How happy you look!" I exclaimed, as she sat down.
"I've been at Oxbridge," she said.
"Answering them," she replied.
"You have not broken our vow?" I said anxiously, noticing something
about her figure.
"Oh, the vow," she said casually. "I'm going to have a baby, if that's
what you mean. You can't imagine," she burst out, "how exciting, how
beautiful, how satisfying—"
"What is?" I asked.
"To—to—answer questions," she replied in some confusion. Whereupon she
told me the whole of her story. But in the middle of an account which
interested and excited me more than anything I had ever heard, she gave
the strangest cry, half whoop, half holloa—
"Chastity! Chastity! Where's my chastity!" she cried. "Help Ho! The scent bottle!"
There was nothing in the room but a cruet containing mustard, which I
was about to administer when she recovered her composure.
"You should have thought of that three months ago," I said severely.
"True," she replied. "There's not much good in thinking of it now. It
was unfortunate, by the way, that my mother had me called Castalia."
"Oh, Castalia, your mother—" I was beginning when she reached for the mustard pot.
"No, no, no," she said, shaking her head. "If you'd been a chaste woman
yourself you would have screamed at the sight of me—instead of which
you rushed across the room and took me in your arms. No, Cassandra. We
are neither of us chaste." So we went on talking.
Meanwhile the room was filling up, for it was the day appointed to
discuss the results of our observations. Everyone, I thought, felt as I
did about Castalia. They kissed her and said how glad they were to see
her again. At length, when we were all assembled, Jane rose and said
that it was time to begin. She began by saying that we had now asked
questions for over five years, and that though the results were bound to
be inconclusive—here Castalia nudged me and whispered that she was not
so sure about that. Then she got up, and, interrupting Jane in the
middle of a sentence, said:
"Before you say any more, I want to know—am I to stay in the room?
Because," she added, "I have to confess that I am an impure woman."
Everyone looked at her in astonishment.
"You are going to have a baby?" asked Jane.
She nodded her head.
It was extraordinary to see the different expressions on their faces. A
sort of hum went through the room, in which I could catch the words
"impure," "baby," "Castalia," and so on. Jane, who was herself
considerably moved, put it to us:
"Shall she go? Is she impure?"
Such a roar filled the room as might have been heard in the street outside.
"No! No! No! Let her stay! Impure? Fiddlesticks!" Yet I fancied that
some of the youngest, girls of nineteen or twenty, held back as if
overcome with shyness. Then we all came about her and began asking
questions, and at last I saw one of the youngest, who had kept in the
background, approach shyly and say to her:
"What is chastity then? I mean is it good, or is it bad, or is it
nothing at all?" She replied so low that I could not catch what she said.
"You know I was shocked," said another, "for at least ten minutes."
"In my opinion," said Poll, who was growing crusty from always reading
in the London Library, "chastity is nothing but ignorance—a most
discreditable state of mind. We should admit only the unchaste to our
society. I vote that Castalia shall be our President."
This was violently disputed.
"It is as unfair to brand women with chastity as with unchastity," said
Poll. "Some of us haven't the opportunity either. Moreover, I don't
believe Cassy herself maintains that she acted as she did from a pure
love of knowledge."
"He is only twenty-one and divinely beautiful," said Cassy, with a
"I move," said Helen, "that no one be allowed to talk of chastity or
unchastity save those who are in love."
"Oh, bother," said Judith, who had been enquiring into scientific
matters, "I'm not in love and I'm longing to explain my measures for
dispensing with prostitutes and fertilizing virgins by Act of Parliament."
She went on to tell us of an invention of hers to be erected at Tube
stations and other public resorts, which, upon payment of a small fee,
would safeguard the nation's health, accommodate its sons, and relieve
its daughters. Then she had contrived a method of preserving in sealed
tubes the germs of future Lord Chancellors "or poets or painters or
musicians," she went on, "supposing, that is to say, that these breeds
are not extinct, and that women still wish to bear children——"
"Of course we wish to bear children!" cried Castalia, impatiently. Jane
rapped the table.
"That is the very point we are met to consider," she said. "For five
years we have been trying to find out whether we are justified in
continuing the human race. Castalia has anticipated our decision. But it
remains for the rest of us to make up our minds."
Here one after another of our messengers rose and delivered their
reports. The marvels of civilisation far exceeded our expectations, and,
as we learnt for the first time how man flies in the air, talks across
space, penetrates to the heart of an atom, and embraces the universe in
his speculations, a murmur of admiration burst from our lips.
"We are proud," we cried, "that our mothers sacrificed their youth in
such a cause as this!" Castalia, who had been listening intently, looked
prouder than all the rest. Then Jane reminded us that we had still much
to learn, and Castalia begged us to make haste. On we went through a
vast tangle of statistics. We learnt that England has a population of
so many millions, and that such and such a proportion of them is
constantly hungry and in prison; that the average size of a working
man's family is such, and that so great a percentage of women die from
maladies incident to childbirth. Reports were read of visits to
factories, shops, slums, and dockyards. Descriptions were given of the
Stock Exchange, of a gigantic house of business in the City, and of a
Government Office. The British Colonies were now discussed, and some
account was given of our rule in India, Africa and Ireland. I was
sitting by Castalia and I noticed her uneasiness.
"We shall never come to any conclusion at all at this rate," she said.
"As it appears that civilisation is so much more complex than we had any
notion, would it not be better to confine ourselves to our original
enquiry? We agreed that it was the object of life to produce good people
and good books. All this time we have been talking of aeroplanes,
factories, and money. Let us talk about men themselves and their arts,
for that is the heart of the matter."
So the diners out stepped forward with long slips of paper containing
answers to their questions. These had been framed after much
consideration. A good man, we had agreed, must at any rate be honest,
passionate, and unworldly. But whether or not a particular man possessed
those qualities could only be discovered by asking questions, often
beginning at a remote distance from the centre. Is Kensington a nice
place to live in? Where is your son being educated—and your daughter?
Now please tell me, what do you pay for your cigars? By the way, is Sir
Joseph a baronet or only a knight? Often it seemed that we learnt more
from trivial questions of this kind than from more direct ones. "I
accepted my peerage," said Lord Bunkum, "because my wife wished it." I
forget how many titles were accepted for the same reason. "Working
fifteen hours out of the twenty-four, as I do——" ten thousand
professional men began.
"No, no, of course you can neither read nor write. But why do you work
so hard?" "My dear lady, with a growing family——" "But why does your
family grow?" Their wives wished that too, or perhaps it was the British
Empire. But more significant than the answers were the refusals to
answer. Very few would reply at all to questions about morality and
religion, and such answers as were given were not serious. Questions as
to the value of money and power were almost invariably brushed aside, or
pressed at extreme risk to the asker. "I'm sure," said Jill, "that if
Sir Harley Tightboots hadn't been carving the mutton when I asked him
about the capitalist system he would have cut my throat. The only reason
why we escaped with our lives over and over again is that men are at
once so hungry and so chivalrous. They despise us too much to mind what we say."
"Of course they despise us," said Eleanor. "At the same time how do you
account for this—I made enquiries among the artists. Now, no woman has
ever been an artist, has she, Poll?"
"Jane-Austen-Charlotte-Brontë-George-Eliot," cried Poll, like a man
crying muffins in a back street.
"Damn the woman!" someone exclaimed. "What a bore she is!"
"Since Sappho there has been no female of first rate——" Eleanor began,
quoting from a weekly newspaper.
"It's now well known that Sappho was the somewhat lewd invention of
Professor Hobkin," Ruth interrupted.
"Anyhow, there is no reason to suppose that any woman ever has been able
to write or ever will be able to write," Eleanor continued. "And yet,
whenever I go among authors they never cease to talk to me about their
books. Masterly! I say, or Shakespeare himself! (for one must say
something) and I assure you, they believe me."
"That proves nothing," said Jane. "They all do it. Only," she sighed,
"it doesn't seem to help us much. Perhaps we had better examine modern
literature next. Liz, it's your turn."
Elizabeth rose and said that in order to prosecute her enquiry she had
dressed as a man and been taken for a reviewer.
"I have read new books pretty steadily for the past five years," said
she. "Mr. Wells is the most popular living writer; then comes Mr. Arnold
Bennett; then Mr. Compton Mackenzie; Mr. McKenna and Mr. Walpole may be
bracketed together." She sat down.
"But you've told us nothing!" we expostulated. "Or do you mean that
these gentlemen have greatly surpassed Jane-Elliot and that English
fiction is——where's that review of yours? Oh, yes, 'safe in their hands.'"
"Safe, quite safe," she said, shifting uneasily from foot to foot. "And
I'm sure that they give away even more than they receive."
We were all sure of that. "But," we pressed her, "do they write good
"Good books?" she said, looking at the ceiling. "You must remember," she
began, speaking with extreme rapidity, "that fiction is the mirror of
life. And you can't deny that education is of the highest importance,
and that it would be extremely annoying, if you found yourself alone at
Brighton late at night, not to know which was the best boarding house to
stay at, and suppose it was a dripping Sunday evening—wouldn't it be
nice to go to the Movies?"
"But what has that got to do with it?" we asked.
"Nothing—nothing—nothing whatever," she replied.
"Well, tell us the truth," we bade her.
"The truth? But isn't it wonderful," she broke off—"Mr. Chitter has
written a weekly article for the past thirty years upon love or hot
buttered toast and has sent all his sons to Eton——"
"The truth!" we demanded.
"Oh, the truth," she stammered, "the truth has nothing to do with
literature," and sitting down she refused to say another word.
It all seemed to us very inconclusive.
"Ladies, we must try to sum up the results," Jane was beginning, when a
hum, which had been heard for some time through the open window, drowned her voice.
"War! War! War! Declaration of War!" men were shouting in the street below.
We looked at each other in horror.
"What war?" we cried. "What war?" We remembered, too late, that we had
never thought of sending anyone to the House of Commons. We had
forgotten all about it. We turned to Poll, who had reached the history
shelves in the London Library, and asked her to enlighten us.
"Why," we cried, "do men go to war?"
"Sometimes for one reason, sometimes for another," she replied calmly.
"In 1760, for example——" The shouts outside drowned her words. "Again
in 1797—in 1804—It was the Austrians in 1866—1870 was the
Franco-Prussian—In 1900 on the other hand——"
"But it's now 1914!" we cut her short.
"Ah, I don't know what they're going to war for now," she admitted.
* * * * *
The war was over and peace was in process of being signed, when I once
more found myself with Castalia in the room where our meetings used to
be held. We began idly turning over the pages of our old minute books.
"Queer," I mused, "to see what we were thinking five years ago." "We are
agreed," Castalia quoted, reading over my shoulder, "that it is the
object of life to produce good people and good books." We made no
comment upon that. "A good man is at any rate honest, passionate and
unworldly." "What a woman's language!" I observed. "Oh, dear," cried
Castalia, pushing the book away from her, "what fools we were! It was
all Poll's father's fault," she went on. "I believe he did it on
purpose—that ridiculous will, I mean, forcing Poll to read all the
books in the London Library. If we hadn't learnt to read," she said
bitterly, "we might still have been bearing children in ignorance and
that I believe was the happiest life after all. I know what you're going
to say about war," she checked me, "and the horror of bearing children
to see them killed, but our mothers did it, and their mothers, and their
mothers before them. And they didn't complain. They couldn't read.
I've done my best," she sighed, "to prevent my little girl from learning
to read, but what's the use? I caught Ann only yesterday with a
newspaper in her hand and she was beginning to ask me if it was 'true.'
Next she'll ask me whether Mr. Lloyd George is a good man, then whether
Mr. Arnold Bennett is a good novelist, and finally whether I believe in
God. How can I bring my daughter up to believe in nothing?" she demanded.
"Surely you could teach her to believe that a man's intellect is, and
always will be, fundamentally superior to a woman's?" I suggested. She
brightened at this and began to turn over our old minutes again. "Yes,"
she said, "think of their discoveries, their mathematics, their science,
their philosophy, their scholarship——" and then she began to laugh, "I
shall never forget old Hobkin and the hairpin," she said, and went on
reading and laughing and I thought she was quite happy, when suddenly
she drew the book from her and burst out, "Oh, Cassandra, why do you
torment me? Don't you know that our belief in man's intellect is the
greatest fallacy of them all?" "What?" I exclaimed. "Ask any journalist,
schoolmaster, politician or public house keeper in the land and they
will all tell you that men are much cleverer than women." "As if I
doubted it," she said scornfully. "How could they help it? Haven't we
bred them and fed and kept them in comfort since the beginning of time
so that they may be clever even if they're nothing else? It's all our
doing!" she cried. "We insisted upon having intellect and now we've got
it. And it's intellect," she continued, "that's at the bottom of it.
What could be more charming than a boy before he has begun to cultivate
his intellect? He is beautiful to look at; he gives himself no airs; he
understands the meaning of art and literature instinctively; he goes
about enjoying his life and making other people enjoy theirs. Then they
teach him to cultivate his intellect. He becomes a barrister, a civil
servant, a general, an author, a professor. Every day he goes to an
office. Every year he produces a book. He maintains a whole family by
the products of his brain—poor devil! Soon he cannot come into a room
without making us all feel uncomfortable; he condescends to every woman
he meets, and dares not tell the truth even to his own wife; instead of
rejoicing our eyes we have to shut them if we are to take him in our
arms. True, they console themselves with stars of all shapes, ribbons
of all shades, and incomes of all sizes—but what is to console us? That
we shall be able in ten years' time to spend a week-end at Lahore? Or
that the least insect in Japan has a name twice the length of its body?
Oh, Cassandra, for Heaven's sake let us devise a method by which men may
bear children! It is our only chance. For unless we provide them with
some innocent occupation we shall get neither good people nor good
books; we shall perish beneath the fruits of their unbridled activity;
and not a human being will survive to know that there once was Shakespeare!"
"It is too late," I replied. "We cannot provide even for the children that we have."
"And then you ask me to believe in intellect," she said.
While we spoke, men were crying hoarsely and wearily in the street, and,
listening, we heard that the Treaty of Peace had just been signed. The
voices died away. The rain was falling and interfered no doubt with the
proper explosion of the fireworks.
"My cook will have bought the Evening News," said Castalia, "and Ann
will be spelling it out over her tea. I must go home."
"It's no good—not a bit of good," I said. "Once she knows how to read
there's only one thing you can teach her to believe in—and that is herself."
"Well, that would be a change," sighed Castalia.
So we swept up the papers of our Society, and, though Ann was playing with
her doll very happily, we solemnly made her a present of the lot and told her we
had chosen her to be President of the Society of the future—upon which she burst
into tears, poor little girl.