Der Shpider und der Fly

by Charles Follen Adams

I reads in Yawcob's shtory book,
A couple veeks ago,
Von firsd-rade boem, vot I dinks
Der beoples all should know.
I'd ask dis goot conundhrum, too,
Vich ve should brofit by:
"'Vill you indo mine parlor valk?'
Says der Shpider off der fly."
Dot set me dinking, righdt avay,
Und vhen, von afternoon,
A shbeculator he comes in
Und dells me, pooty soon,
He haf silfer mine to sell,
Und ask me eef I puy,
I dink off der oxberience
Off dot plue-pottle fly.
Der oder day, vhen on der cars
I vent by Nie Yorck oudt,
I meets a fraulein on der train,
Who dold me, mit a pout,
She likes der Deutscher shentlemans
Und dells me sit peside her—
I says: "Mine friendt, I vas no fly,
Eef you vas peen a shpider."
I vent indo der shmoking car,
Vhere dhey vas blaying boker,
Und also haf somedings dhey calls
Der funny "leedle joker."
Some money id vas shanging hands,
Dhey vanted me to try—
I says: "You vas too brevious,
I don'd vas been a fly!"
On Central Park a shmardt young man
Says: "Strauss, how vas you peen?"
Und dake me kindtly py der hand,
Und ask off mine Katrine.
He vants to shange a feefty bill,
Und says hees name vas Schneider—
Maype, berhaps, he vas all righdt;
More like he vas a shpider.
Mosd efry day some shwindling chap
He dries hees leedle game;
I cuts me oudt dot shpider biece
Und poot id in a frame;
Righdt in mine shtore I hangs it oup,
Und near id, on der shly,
I geeps a glub, to send gvick oudt,
Dhose shpiders, "on der fly."