By P. G. Wodehouse
In a day in June, at the hour when London moves abroad in quest
of lunch, a young man stood at the entrance of the Bandolero
Restaurant looking earnestly up Shaftesbury Avenue—a large young
man in excellent condition, with a pleasant, good-humoured, brown,
clean-cut face. He paid no attention to the stream of humanity
that flowed past him. His mouth was set and his eyes wore a
serious, almost a wistful expression. He was frowning slightly.
One would have said that here was a man with a secret sorrow.
William FitzWilliam Delamere Chalmers, Lord Dawlish, had no secret
sorrow. All that he was thinking of at that moment was the best
method of laying a golf ball dead in front of the Palace Theatre.
It was his habit to pass the time in mental golf when Claire
Fenwick was late in keeping her appointments with him. On one
occasion she had kept him waiting so long that he had been able to
do nine holes, starting at the Savoy Grill and finishing up near
Hammersmith. His was a simple mind, able to amuse itself with
As he stood there, gazing into the middle distance, an individual
of dishevelled aspect sidled up, a vagrant of almost the maximum
seediness, from whose midriff there protruded a trayful of a
strange welter of collar-studs, shoe-laces, rubber rings,
buttonhooks, and dying roosters. For some minutes he had been
eyeing his lordship appraisingly from the edge of the kerb, and
now, secure in the fact that there seemed to be no policeman in
the immediate vicinity, he anchored himself in front of him and
observed that he had a wife and four children at home, all
This sort of thing was always happening to Lord Dawlish. There was
something about him, some atmosphere of unaffected kindliness,
that invited it.
In these days when everything, from the shape of a man's hat to
his method of dealing with asparagus, is supposed to be an index
to character, it is possible to form some estimate of Lord Dawlish
from the fact that his vigil in front of the Bandolero had been
expensive even before the advent of the Benedict with the studs
and laces. In London, as in New York, there are spots where it is
unsafe for a man of yielding disposition to stand still, and the
corner of Shaftesbury Avenue and Piccadilly Circus is one of them.
Scrubby, impecunious men drift to and fro there, waiting for the
gods to provide something easy; and the prudent man, conscious of
the possession of loose change, whizzes through the danger zone at
his best speed, 'like one that on a lonesome road doth walk in
fear and dread, and having once turned round walks on, and turns
no more his head, because he knows a frightful fiend doth close
behind him tread.' In the seven minutes he had been waiting two
frightful fiends closed in on Lord Dawlish, requesting loans of
five shillings till Wednesday week and Saturday week respectively,
and he had parted with the money without a murmur.
A further clue to his character is supplied by the fact that both
these needy persons seemed to know him intimately, and that each
called him Bill. All Lord Dawlish's friends called him Bill, and
he had a catholic list of them, ranging from men whose names were
in 'Debrett' to men whose names were on the notice boards of
obscure clubs in connexion with the non-payment of dues. He was
the sort of man one instinctively calls Bill.
The anti-race-suicide enthusiast with the rubber rings did not call
Lord Dawlish Bill, but otherwise his manner was intimate. His
lordship's gaze being a little slow in returning from the middle
distance—for it was not a matter to be decided carelessly and
without thought, this problem of carrying the length of Shaftesbury
Avenue with a single brassy shot—he repeated the gossip from the
home. Lord Dawlish regarded him thoughtfully.
'It could be done,' he said, 'but you'd want a bit of pull on it.
I'm sorry; I didn't catch what you said.'
The other obliged with his remark for the third time, with
increased pathos, for constant repetition was making him almost
believe it himself.
'Four starving children?'
'Four, guv'nor, so help me!'
'I suppose you don't get much time for golf then, what?' said Lord
It was precisely three days, said the man, mournfully inflating a
dying rooster, since his offspring had tasted bread.
This did not touch Lord Dawlish deeply. He was not very fond of
bread. But it seemed to be troubling the poor fellow with the
studs a great deal, so, realizing that tastes differ and that
there is no accounting for them, he looked at him commiseratingly.
'Of course, if they like bread, that makes it rather rotten,
doesn't it? What are you going to do about it?'
'Buy a dying rooster, guv'nor,' he advised. 'Causes great fun and
Lord Dawlish eyed the strange fowl without enthusiasm.
'No,' he said, with a slight shudder.
There was a pause. The situation had the appearance of being at a
'I'll tell you what,' said Lord Dawlish, with the air of one who,
having pondered, has been rewarded with a great idea: 'the fact
is, I really don't want to buy anything. You seem by bad luck to
be stocked up with just the sort of things I wouldn't be seen dead
in a ditch with. I can't stand rubber rings, never could. I'm not
really keen on buttonhooks. And I don't want to hurt your
feelings, but I think that squeaking bird of yours is about the
beastliest thing I ever met. So suppose I give you a shilling and
call it square, what?'
'Gawd bless yer, guv'nor.'
'Not at all. You'll be able to get those children of yours some
bread—I expect you can get a lot of bread for a shilling. Do they
really like it? Rum kids!'
And having concluded this delicate financial deal Lord Dawlish
turned, the movement bringing him face to face with a tall girl in
During the business talk which had just come to an end this girl
had been making her way up the side street which forms a short cut
between Coventry Street and the Bandolero, and several admirers of
feminine beauty who happened to be using the same route had almost
dislocated their necks looking after her. She was a strikingly
handsome girl. She was tall and willowy. Her eyes, shaded by her
hat, were large and grey. Her nose was small and straight, her
mouth, though somewhat hard, admirably shaped, and she carried
herself magnificently. One cannot blame the policeman on duty in
Leicester Square for remarking to a cabman as she passed that he
envied the bloke that that was going to meet.
Bill Dawlish was this fortunate bloke, but, from the look of him
as he caught sight of her, one would have said that he did not
appreciate his luck. The fact of the matter was that he had only
just finished giving the father of the family his shilling, and he
was afraid that Claire had seen him doing it. For Claire, dear
girl, was apt to be unreasonable about these little generosities
of his. He cast a furtive glance behind him in the hope that the
disseminator of expiring roosters had vanished, but the man was
still at his elbow. Worse, he faced them, and in a hoarse but
carrying voice he was instructing Heaven to bless his benefactor.
'Halloa, Claire darling!' said Lord Dawlish, with a sort of
sheepish breeziness. 'Here you are.'
Claire was looking after the stud merchant, as, grasping his
wealth, he scuttled up the avenue.
'Only a bob,' his lordship hastened to say. 'Rather a sad case,
don't you know. Squads of children at home demanding bread. Didn't
want much else, apparently, but were frightfully keen on bread.'
'He has just gone into a public-house.'
'He may have gone to telephone or something, what?'
'I wish,' said Claire, fretfully, leading the way down the
grillroom stairs, 'that you wouldn't let all London sponge on you
like this. I keep telling you not to. I should have thought that
if any one needed to keep what little money he has got it was
Certainly Lord Dawlish would have been more prudent not to have
parted with even eleven shillings, for he was not a rich man.
Indeed, with the single exception of the Earl of Wetherby, whose
finances were so irregular that he could not be said to possess an
income at all, he was the poorest man of his rank in the British
It was in the days of the Regency that the Dawlish coffers first
began to show signs of cracking under the strain, in the era of
the then celebrated Beau Dawlish. Nor were his successors backward
in the spending art. A breezy disregard for the preservation of
the pence was a family trait. Bill was at Cambridge when his
predecessor in the title, his Uncle Philip, was performing the
concluding exercises of the dissipation of the Dawlish doubloons,
a feat which he achieved so neatly that when he died there was
just enough cash to pay the doctors, and no more. Bill found
himself the possessor of that most ironical thing, a moneyless
title. He was then twenty-three.
Until six months before, when he had become engaged to Claire
Fenwick, he had found nothing to quarrel with in his lot. He was
not the type to waste time in vain regrets. His tastes were
simple. As long as he could afford to belong to one or two golf
clubs and have something over for those small loans which, in
certain of the numerous circles in which he moved, were the
inevitable concomitant of popularity, he was satisfied. And this
modest ambition had been realized for him by a group of what he
was accustomed to refer to as decent old bucks, who had installed
him as secretary of that aristocratic and exclusive club, Brown's
in St James Street, at an annual salary of four hundred pounds.
With that wealth, added to free lodging at one of the best clubs
in London, perfect health, a steadily-diminishing golf handicap,
and a host of friends in every walk of life, Bill had felt that it
would be absurd not to be happy and contented.
But Claire had made a difference. There was no question of that.
In the first place, she resolutely declined to marry him on four
hundred pounds a year. She scoffed at four hundred pounds a year.
To hear her talk, you would have supposed that she had been
brought up from the cradle to look on four hundred pounds a year
as small change to be disposed of in tips and cab fares. That in
itself would have been enough to sow doubts in Bill's mind as to
whether he had really got all the money that a reasonable man
needed; and Claire saw to it that these doubts sprouted, by
confining her conversation on the occasions of their meeting
almost entirely to the great theme of money, with its minor
sub-divisions of How to Get It, Why Don't You Get It? and I'm Sick
and Tired of Not Having It.
She developed this theme to-day, not only on the stairs leading to
the grillroom, but even after they had seated themselves at their
table. It was a relief to Bill when the arrival of the waiter with
food caused a break in the conversation and enabled him adroitly
to change the subject.
'What have you been doing this morning?' he asked.
'I went to see Maginnis at the theatre.'
'I had a wire from him asking me to call. They want me to call.
They want me to take up Claudia Winslow's part in the number one
'Well—er—what I mean—well, isn't it? What I mean is, leading
part, and so forth.'
'In a touring company?'
'Yes, I see what you mean,' said Lord Dawlish, who didn't at all.
He thought rather highly of the number one companies that hailed
from the theatre of which Mr Maginnis was proprietor.
'And anyhow, I ought to have had the part in the first place
instead of when the tour's half over. They are at Southampton this
week. He wants me to join them there and go on to Portsmouth with
'You'll like Portsmouth.'
'Well—er—good links quite near.'
'You know I don't play golf.'
'Nor do you. I was forgetting. Still, it's quite a jolly place.'
'It's a horrible place. I loathe it. I've half a mind not to go.'
'Oh, I don't know.'
'What do you mean?'
Lord Dawlish was feeling a little sorry for himself. Whatever he
said seemed to be the wrong thing. This evidently was one of the
days on which Claire was not so sweet-tempered as on some other
days. It crossed his mind that of late these irritable moods of
hers had grown more frequent. It was not her fault, poor girl! he
told himself. She had rather a rotten time.
It was always Lord Dawlish's habit on these occasions to make this
excuse for Claire. It was such a satisfactory excuse. It covered
everything. But, as a matter of fact, the rather rotten time which
she was having was not such a very rotten one. Reducing it to its
simplest terms, and forgetting for the moment that she was an
extraordinarily beautiful girl—which his lordship found it
impossible to do—all that it amounted to was that, her mother
having but a small income, and existence in the West Kensington
flat being consequently a trifle dull for one with a taste for the
luxuries of life, Claire had gone on the stage. By birth she
belonged to a class of which the female members are seldom called
upon to earn money at all, and that was one count of her grievance
against Fate. Another was that she had not done as well on the
stage as she had expected to do. When she became engaged to Bill
she had reached a point where she could obtain without difficulty
good parts in the touring companies of London successes, but
beyond that it seemed it was impossible for her to soar. It was
not, perhaps, a very exhilarating life, but, except to the eyes of
love, there was nothing tragic about it. It was the cumulative
effect of having a mother in reduced circumstances and grumbling
about it, of being compelled to work and grumbling about that, and
of achieving in her work only a semi-success and grumbling about
that also, that—backed by her looks—enabled Claire to give quite
a number of people, and Bill Dawlish in particular, the impression
that she was a modern martyr, only sustained by her indomitable
So Bill, being requested in a peevish voice to explain what he
meant by saying, 'Oh, I don't know,' condoned the peevishness. He
then bent his mind to the task of trying to ascertain what he had
'Well,' he said, 'what I mean is, if you don't show up won't it be
rather a jar for old friend Maginnis? Won't he be apt to foam at
the mouth a bit and stop giving you parts in his companies?'
'I'm sick of trying to please Maginnis. What's the good? He never
gives me a chance in London. I'm sick of being always on tour. I'm
sick of everything.'
'It's the heat,' said Lord Dawlish, most injudiciously.
'It isn't the heat. It's you!'
'Me? What have I done?'
'It's what you've not done. Why can't you exert yourself and make
Lord Dawlish groaned a silent groan. By a devious route, but with
unfailing precision, they had come homing back to the same old
'We have been engaged for six months, and there seems about as
much chance of our ever getting married as of—I can't think of
anything unlikely enough. We shall go on like this till we're
'But, my dear girl!'
'I wish you wouldn't talk to me as if you were my grandfather.
What were you going to say?'
'Only that we can get married this afternoon if you'll say the
'Oh, don't let us go into all that again! I'm not going to marry
on four hundred a year and spend the rest of my life in a pokey
little flat on the edge of London. Why can't you make more money?'
'I did have a dash at it, you know. I waylaid old Bodger—Colonel
Bodger, on the committee of the club, you know—and suggested over
a whisky-and-soda that the management of Brown's would be behaving
like sportsmen if they bumped my salary up a bit, and the old boy
nearly strangled himself trying to suck down Scotch and laugh at
the same time. I give you my word, he nearly expired on the
smoking-room floor. When he came to he said that he wished I
wouldn't spring my good things on him so suddenly, as he had a
weak heart. He said they were only paying me my present salary
because they liked me so much. You know, it was decent of the old
boy to say that.'
'What is the good of being liked by the men in your club if you
won't make any use of it?'
'How do you mean?'
'There are endless things you could do. You could have got Mr
Breitstein elected at Brown's if you had liked. They wouldn't have
dreamed of blackballing any one proposed by a popular man like you,
and Mr Breitstein asked you personally to use your influence—you
told me so.'
'But, my dear girl—I mean my darling—Breitstein! He's the limit!
He's the worst bounder in London.'
'He's also one of the richest men in London. He would have done
anything for you. And you let him go! You insulted him!'
'Didn't you send him an admission ticket to the Zoo?'
'Oh, well, yes, I did do that. He thanked me and went the
following Sunday. Amazing how these rich Johnnies love getting
something for nothing. There was that old American I met down at
Marvis Bay last year—'
'You threw away a wonderful chance of making all sorts of money.
Why, a single tip from Mr Breitstein would have made your
'But, Claire, you know, there are some things—what I mean is, if
they like me at Brown's, it's awfully decent of them and all that,
but I couldn't take advantage of it to plant a fellow like
Breitstein on them. It wouldn't be playing the game.'
Lord Dawlish looked unhappy, but said nothing. This matter of Mr
Breitstein had been touched upon by Claire in previous conversations,
and it was a subject for which he had little liking. Experience had
taught him that none of the arguments which seemed so conclusive
to him—to wit, that the financier had on two occasions only just
escaped imprisonment for fraud, and, what was worse, made a
noise when he drank soup, like water running out of a bathtub—had
the least effect upon her. The only thing to do when Mr Breitstein
came up in the course of chitchat over the festive board was to
stay quiet until he blew over.
'That old American you met at Marvis Bay,' said Claire, her memory
flitting back to the remark which she had interrupted; 'well,
there's another case. You could easily have got him to do
something for you.'
'Claire, really!' said his goaded lordship, protestingly. 'How on
earth? I only met the man on the links.'
'But you were very nice to him. You told me yourself that you
spent hours helping him to get rid of his slice, whatever that
'We happened to be the only two down there at the time, so I was
as civil as I could manage. If you're marooned at a Cornish
seaside resort out of the season with a man, you can't spend your
time dodging him. And this man had a slice that fascinated me. I
felt at the time that it was my mission in life to cure him, so I
had a dash at it. But I don't see how on the strength of that I
could expect the old boy to adopt me. He probably forgot my
existence after I had left.'
'You said you met him in London a month or two afterwards, and he
hadn't forgotten you.'
'Well, yes, that's true. He was walking up the Haymarket and I was
walking down. I caught his eye, and he nodded and passed on. I
don't see how I could construe that into an invitation to go and
sit on his lap and help myself out of his pockets.'
'You couldn't expect him to go out of his way to help you; but
probably if you had gone to him he would have done something.'
'You haven't the pleasure of Mr Ira Nutcombe's acquaintance,
Claire, or you wouldn't talk like that. He wasn't the sort of man
you could get things out of. He didn't even tip the caddie.
Besides, can't you see what I mean? I couldn't trade on a chance
acquaintance of the golf links to—'
'That is just what I complain of in you. You're too diffident.'
'It isn't diffidence exactly. Talking of old Nutcombe, I was
speaking to Gates again the other night. He was telling me about
America. There's a lot of money to be made over there, you know,
and the committee owes me a holiday. They would give me a few
weeks off any time I liked.
'What do you say? Shall I pop over and have a look round? I might
happen to drop into something. Gates was telling me about fellows
he knew who had dropped into things in New York.'
'What's the good of putting yourself to all the trouble and
expense of going to America? You can easily make all you want in
London if you will only try. It isn't as if you had no chances.
You have more chances than almost any man in town. With your title
you could get all the directorships in the City that you wanted.'
'Well, the fact is, this business of taking directorships has
never quite appealed to me. I don't know anything about the game,
and I should probably run up against some wildcat company. I can't
say I like the directorship wheeze much. It's the idea of knowing
that one's name would be being used as a bait. Every time I saw it
on a prospectus I should feel like a trout fly.'
Claire bit her lip.
'It's so exasperating!' she broke out. 'When I first told my
friends that I was engaged to Lord Dawlish they were tremendously
impressed. They took it for granted that you must have lots of
money. Now I have to keep explaining to them that the reason we
don't get married is that we can't afford to. I'm almost as badly
off as poor Polly Davis who was in the Heavenly Waltz Company with
me when she married that man, Lord Wetherby. A man with a title
has no right not to have money. It makes the whole thing farcical.
'If I were in your place I should have tried a hundred things by
now, but you always have some silly objection. Why couldn't you,
for instance, have taken on the agency of that what-d'you-call-it
'What I called it would have been nothing to what the poor devils
who bought it would have called it.'
'You could have sold hundreds of them, and the company would have
given you any commission you asked. You know just the sort of
people they wanted to get in touch with.'
'But, darling, how could I? Planting Breitstein on the club would
have been nothing compared with sowing these horrors about London.
I couldn't go about the place sticking my pals with a car which, I
give you my honest word, was stuck together with chewing-gum and
tied up with string.'
'Why not? It would be their fault if they bought a car that wasn't
any good. Why should you have to worry once you had it sold?'
It was not Lord Dawlish's lucky afternoon. All through lunch he
had been saying the wrong thing, and now he put the coping-stone
on his misdeeds. Of all the ways in which he could have answered
Claire's question he chose the worst.
'Er—well,' he said, 'noblesse oblige, don't you know, what?'
For a moment Claire did not speak. Then she looked at her watch
and got up.
'I must be going,' she said, coldly.
'But you haven't had your coffee yet.'
'I don't want any coffee.'
'What's the matter, dear?'
'Nothing is the matter. I have to go home and pack. I'm going to
Southampton this afternoon.'
She began to move towards the door. Lord Dawlish, anxious to
follow, was detained by the fact that he had not yet paid the
bill. The production and settling of this took time, and when
finally he turned in search of Claire she was nowhere visible.
Bounding upstairs on the swift feet of love, he reached the
street. She had gone.
A grey sadness surged over Bill Dawlish. The sun hid itself behind
a cloud, the sky took on a leaden hue, and a chill wind blew
through the world. He scanned Shaftesbury Avenue with a jaundiced
eye, and thought that he had never seen a beastlier thoroughfare.
Piccadilly, however, into which he shortly dragged himself, was
even worse. It was full of men and women and other depressing
He pitied himself profoundly. It was a rotten world to live in,
this, where a fellow couldn't say noblesse oblige without
upsetting the universe. Why shouldn't a fellow say noblesse
oblige? Why—? At this juncture Lord Dawlish walked into a
The shock changed his mood. Gloom still obsessed him, but blended
now with remorse. He began to look at the matter from Claire's
viewpoint, and his pity switched from himself to her. In the first
place, the poor girl had rather a rotten time. Could she be blamed
for wanting him to make money? No. Yet whenever she made suggestions
as to how the thing was to be done, he snubbed her by saying
noblesse oblige. Naturally a refined and sensitive young girl
objected to having things like noblesse oblige said to her. Where
was the sense in saying noblesse oblige? Such a confoundedly silly
thing to say. Only a perfect ass would spend his time rushing about
the place saying noblesse oblige to people.
'By Jove!' Lord Dawlish stopped in his stride. He disentangled
himself from a pedestrian who had rammed him on the back. 'I'll do
He hailed a passing taxi and directed the driver to make for the
Pen and Ink Club.
The decision at which Bill had arrived with such dramatic
suddenness in the middle of Piccadilly was the same at which some
centuries earlier Columbus had arrived in the privacy of his home.
'Hang it!' said Bill to himself in the cab, 'I'll go to America!'
The exact words probably which Columbus had used, talking the
thing over with his wife.
Bill's knowledge of the great republic across the sea was at this
period of his life a little sketchy. He knew that there had been
unpleasantness between England and the United States in
seventeen-something and again in eighteen-something, but that
things had eventually been straightened out by Miss Edna May
and her fellow missionaries of the Belle of New York Company,
since which time there had been no more trouble. Of American
cocktails he had a fair working knowledge, and he appreciated
ragtime. But of the other great American institutions he was
He was on his way now to see Gates. Gates was a comparatively
recent addition to his list of friends, a New York newspaperman
who had come to England a few months before to act as his paper's
London correspondent. He was generally to be found at the Pen and
Ink Club, an institution affiliated with the New York Players, of
which he was a member.
Gates was in. He had just finished lunch.
'What's the trouble, Bill?' he inquired, when he had deposited his
lordship in a corner of the reading-room, which he had selected
because silence was compulsory there, thus rendering it possible
for two men to hear each other speak. 'What brings you charging in
here looking like the Soul's Awakening?'
'I've had an idea, old man.'
'Oh! Well, you remember what you were saying about America?'
'What was I saying about America?'
'The other day, don't you remember? What a lot of money there was
to be made there and so forth.'
'I'm going there.'
'To make money?'
Gates nodded—sadly, it seemed to Bill. He was rather a melancholy
young man, with a long face not unlike a pessimistic horse.
'Gosh!' he said.
Bill felt a little damped. By no mental juggling could he construe
'Gosh!' into an expression of enthusiastic approbation.
Gates looked at Bill curiously. 'What's the idea?' he said. 'I
could have understood it if you had told me that you were going to
New York for pleasure, instructing your man Willoughby to see that
the trunks were jolly well packed and wiring to the skipper of
your yacht to meet you at Liverpool. But you seem to have sordid
motives. You talk about making money. What do you want with more
'Why, I'm devilish hard up.'
'Tenantry a bit slack with the rent?' said Gates sympathetically.
'My dear chap, I don't know what on earth you're talking about.
How much money do you think I've got? Four hundred pounds a year,
and no prospect of ever making more unless I sweat for it.'
'What! I always thought you were rolling in money.'
'What gave you that idea?'
'You have a prosperous look. It's a funny thing about England.
I've known you four months, and I know men who know you; but I've
never heard a word about your finances. In New York we all wear
labels, stating our incomes and prospects in clear lettering.
Well, if it's like that it's different, of course. There certainly
is more money to be made in America than here. I don't quite see
what you think you're going to do when you get there, but that's
up to you.
'There's no harm in giving the city a trial. Anyway, I can give
you a letter or two that might help.'
'That's awfully good of you.'
'You won't mind my alluding to you as my friend William Smith?'
'You can't travel under your own name if you are really serious
about getting a job. Mind you, if my letters lead to anything it
will probably be a situation as an earnest bill-clerk or an
effervescent office-boy, for Rockefeller and Carnegie and that lot
have swiped all the soft jobs. But if you go over as Lord Dawlish
you won't even get that. Lords are popular socially in America,
but are not used to any great extent in the office. If you try to
break in under your right name you'll get the glad hand and be
asked to stay here and there and play a good deal of golf and
dance quite a lot, but you won't get a job. A gentle smile will
greet all your pleadings that you be allowed to come in and save
'We may look on Smith as a necessity.'
'Do you know, I'm not frightfully keen on the name Smith. Wouldn't
something else do?'
'Sure. We aim to please. How would Jones suit you?'
'The trouble is, you know, that if I took a name I wasn't used to
I might forget it.'
'If you've the sort of mind that would forget Jones I doubt if
ever you'll be a captain of industry.'
'Why not Chalmers?'
'You think it easier to memorize than Jones?'
'It used to be my name, you see, before I got the title.'
'I see. All right. Chalmers then. When do you think of starting?'
'You aren't losing much time. By the way, as you're going to New
York you might as well use my flat.'
'It's awfully good of you.'
'Not a bit. You would be doing me a favour. I had to leave at a
moment's notice, and I want to know what's been happening to the
place. I left some Japanese prints there, and my favourite
nightmare is that someone has broken in and sneaked them. Write
down the address—Forty-blank East Twenty-seventh Street. I'll
send you the key to Brown's to-night with those letters.'
Bill walked up the Strand, glowing with energy. He made his way to
Cockspur Street to buy his ticket for New York. This done, he set
out to Brown's to arrange with the committee the details of his
He reached Brown's at twenty minutes past two and left it again at
twenty-three minutes past; for, directly he entered, the hall
porter had handed him a telephone message. The telephone
attendants at London clubs are masters of suggestive brevity. The
one in the basement of Brown's had written on Bill's slip of paper
the words: '1 p.m. Will Lord Dawlish as soon as possible call upon
Mr Gerald Nichols at his office?' To this was appended a message
consisting of two words: 'Good news.'
It was stimulating. The probability was that all Jerry Nichols
wanted to tell him was that he had received stable information
about some horse or had been given a box for the Empire, but for
all that it was stimulating.
Bill looked at his watch. He could spare half an hour. He set out
at once for the offices of the eminent law firm of Nichols,
Nichols, Nichols, and Nichols, of which aggregation of Nicholses
his friend Jerry was the last and smallest.
On a west-bound omnibus Claire Fenwick sat and raged silently in the
June sunshine. She was furious. What right had Lord Dawlish to look
down his nose and murmur 'Noblesse oblige' when she asked him a
question, as if she had suggested that he should commit some crime?
It was the patronizing way he had said it that infuriated her, as if
he were a superior being of some kind, governed by codes which she
could not be expected to understand. Everybody nowadays did the sort
of things she suggested, so what was the good of looking shocked and
saying 'Noblesse oblige'?
The omnibus rolled on towards West Kensington. Claire hated the
place with the bitter hate of one who had read society novels, and
yearned for Grosvenor Square and butlers and a general atmosphere
of soft cushions and pink-shaded lights and maids to do one's
hair. She hated the cheap furniture of the little parlour, the
penetrating contralto of the cook singing hymns in the kitchen,
and the ubiquitousness of her small brother. He was only ten, and
small for his age, yet he appeared to have the power of being in
two rooms at the same time while making a nerve-racking noise in
It was Percy who greeted her to-day as she entered the flat.
'Halloa, Claire! I say, Claire, there's a letter for you. It came
by the second post. I say, Claire, it's got an American stamp on
it. Can I have it, Claire? I haven't got one in my collection.'
His sister regarded him broodingly. 'For goodness' sake don't
bellow like that!' she said. 'Of course, you can have the stamp. I
don't want it. Where is the letter?'
Claire took the envelope from him, extracted the letter, and
handed back the envelope. Percy vanished into the dining-room with
a shattering squeal of pleasure.
A voice spoke from behind a half-opened door—
'Is that you, Claire?'
'Yes, mother; I've come back to pack. They want me to go to
Southampton to-night to take up Claudia Winslow's part.'
'What train are you catching?'
'You will have to hurry.'
'I'm going to hurry,' said Claire, clenching her fists as two
simultaneous bursts of song, in different keys and varying tempos,
proceeded from the dining-room and kitchen. A girl has to be in a
sunnier mood than she was to bear up without wincing under the
infliction of a duet consisting of the Rock of Ages and Waiting
for the Robert E. Lee. Assuredly Claire proposed to hurry. She
meant to get her packing done in record time and escape from this
place. She went into her bedroom and began to throw things
untidily into her trunk. She had put the letter in her pocket
against a more favourable time for perusal. A glance had told her
that it was from her friend Polly, Countess of Wetherby: that
Polly Davis of whom she had spoken to Lord Dawlish. Polly Davis,
now married for better or for worse to that curious invertebrate
person, Algie Wetherby, was the only real friend Claire had made
on the stage. A sort of shivering gentility had kept her aloof
from the rest of her fellow-workers, but it took more than a
shivering gentility to stave off Polly.
Claire had passed through the various stages of intimacy with her,
until on the occasion of Polly's marriage she had acted as her
It was a long letter, too long to be read until she was at
leisure, and written in a straggling hand that made reading
difficult. She was mildly surprised that Polly should have written
her, for she had been back in America a year or more now, and this
was her first letter. Polly had a warm heart and did not forget
her friends, but she was not a good correspondent.
The need of getting her things ready at once drove the letter from
Claire's mind. She was in the train on her way to Southampton
before she remembered its existence.
It was dated from New York.
MY DEAR OLD CLAIRE,—Is this really my first letter to you? Isn't
that awful! Gee! A lot's happened since I saw you last. I must
tell you first about my hit. Some hit! Claire, old girl, I own New
York. I daren't tell you what my salary is. You'd faint.
I'm doing barefoot dancing. You know the sort of stuff. I started
it in vaudeville, and went so big that my agent shifted me to the
restaurants, and they have to call out the police reserves to
handle the crowd. You can't get a table at Reigelheimer's, which
is my pitch, unless you tip the head waiter a small fortune and
promise to mail him your clothes when you get home. I dance during
supper with nothing on my feet and not much anywhere else, and it
takes three vans to carry my salary to the bank.
Of course, it's the title that does it: 'Lady Pauline Wetherby!'
Algie says it oughtn't to be that, because I'm not the daughter of
a duke, but I don't worry about that. It looks good, and that's
all that matters. You can't get away from the title. I was born in
Carbondale, Illinois, but that doesn't matter—I'm an English
countess, doing barefoot dancing to work off the mortgage on the
ancestral castle, and they eat me. Take it from me, Claire, I'm a
Well, that's that. What I am really writing about is to tell you
that you have got to come over here. I've taken a house at
Brookport, on Long Island, for the summer. You can stay with me
till the fall, and then I can easily get you a good job in New
York. I have some pull these days, believe me. Not that you'll
need my help. The managers have only got to see you and they'll
all want you. I showed one of them that photograph you gave me,
and he went up in the air. They pay twice as big salaries over
here, you know, as in England, so come by the next boat.
Claire, darling, you must come. I'm wretched. Algie has got my
goat the worst way. If you don't know what that means it means
that he's behaving like a perfect pig. I hardly know where to
begin. Well, it was this way: directly I made my hit my press
agent, a real bright man named Sherriff, got busy, of course.
Interviews, you know, and Advice to Young Girls in the evening
papers, and How I Preserve My Beauty, and all that sort of thing.
Well, one thing he made me do was to buy a snake and a monkey.
Roscoe Sherriff is crazy about animals as aids to advertisement.
He says an animal story is the thing he does best. So I bought
Algie kicked from the first. I ought to tell you that since we
left England he has taken up painting footling little pictures,
and has got the artistic temperament badly. All his life he's been
starting some new fool thing. When I first met him he prided
himself on having the finest collection of photographs of
race-horses in England. Then he got a craze for model engines.
After that he used to work the piano player till I nearly went
crazy. And now it's pictures.
I don't mind his painting. It gives him something to do and keeps
him out of mischief. He has a studio down in Washington Square,
and is perfectly happy messing about there all day.
Everything would be fine if he didn't think it necessary to tack
on the artistic temperament to his painting. He's developed the
idea that he has nerves and everything upsets them.
Things came to a head this morning at breakfast. Clarence, my
snake, has the cutest way of climbing up the leg of the table and
looking at you pleadingly in the hope that you will give him
soft-boiled egg, which he adores. He did it this morning, and no
sooner had his head appeared above the table than Algie, with a kind
of sharp wail, struck him a violent blow on the nose with a teaspoon.
Then he turned to me, very pale, and said: 'Pauline, this must
end! The time has come to speak up. A nervous, highly-strung man
like myself should not, and must not, be called upon to live in a
house where he is constantly meeting snakes and monkeys without
warning. Choose between me and—'
We had got as far as this when Eustace, the monkey, who I didn't
know was in the room at all, suddenly sprang on to his back. He is
very fond of Algie.
Would you believe it? Algie walked straight out of the house, still
holding the teaspoon, and has not returned. Later in the day he
called me up on the phone and said that, though he realized that a
man's place was the home, he declined to cross the threshold again
until I had got rid of Eustace and Clarence. I tried to reason with
him. I told him that he ought to think himself lucky it wasn't
anything worse than a monkey and a snake, for the last person Roscoe
Sherriff handled, an emotional actress named Devenish, had to keep a
young puma. But he wouldn't listen, and the end of it was that he
rang off and I have not seen or heard of him since.
I am broken-hearted. I won't give in, but I am having an awful time.
So, dearest Claire, do come over and help me. If you could possibly
sail by the Atlantic, leaving Southampton on the twenty-fourth of
this month, you would meet a friend of mine whom I think you would
like. His name is Dudley Pickering, and he made a fortune in
automobiles. I expect you have heard of the Pickering automobiles?
Darling Claire, do come, or I know I shall weaken and yield to
Algie's outrageous demands, for, though I would like to hit him
with a brick, I love him dearly.
Claire sank back against the cushioned seat and her eyes filled
with tears of disappointment. Of all the things which would have
chimed in with her discontented mood at that moment a sudden
flight to America was the most alluring. Only one consideration
held her back—she had not the money for her fare.
Polly might have thought of that, she reflected, bitterly. She
took the letter up again and saw that on the last page there was a
PS.—I don't know how you are fixed for money, old girl, but if
things are the same with you as in the old days you can't be
rolling. So I have paid for a passage for you with the liner
people this side, and they have cabled their English office, so
you can sail whenever you want to. Come right over.
An hour later the manager of the Southampton branch of the White
Star Line was dazzled by an apparition, a beautiful girl who burst
in upon him with flushed face and shining eyes, demanding a berth on
the steamship Atlantic and talking about a Lady Wetherby. Ten
minutes later, her passage secured, Claire was walking to the local
theatre to inform those in charge of the destinies of The Girl and
the Artist number one company that they must look elsewhere for a
substitute for Miss Claudia Winslow. Then she went back to her hotel
to write a letter home, notifying her mother of her plans.
She looked at her watch. It was six o'clock. Back in West
Kensington a rich smell of dinner would be floating through the
flat; the cook, watching the boiling cabbage, would be singing "A
Few More Years Shall Roll"; her mother would be sighing; and her
little brother Percy would be employed upon some juvenile
deviltry, the exact nature of which it was not possible to
conjecture, though one could be certain that it would be something
involving a deafening noise.
Claire smiled a happy smile.
The offices of Messrs Nichols, Nichols, Nichols, and Nichols were
in Lincoln's Inn Fields. The first Nichols had been dead since the
reign of King William the Fourth, the second since the jubilee
year of Queen Victoria. The remaining brace were Lord Dawlish's
friend Jerry and his father, a formidable old man who knew all the
shady secrets of all the noble families in England.
Bill walked up the stairs and was shown into the room where Jerry,
when his father's eye was upon him, gave his daily imitation of a
young man labouring with diligence and enthusiasm at the law. His
father being at the moment out at lunch, the junior partner was
practising putts with an umbrella and a ball of paper.
Jerry Nichols was not the typical lawyer. At Cambridge, where Bill
had first made his acquaintance, he had been notable for an
exuberance of which Lincoln's Inn Fields had not yet cured him.
There was an airy disregard for legal formalities about him which
exasperated his father, an attorney of the old school. He came to
the point, directly Bill entered the room, with a speed and levity
that would have appalled Nichols Senior, and must have caused the
other two Nicholses to revolve in their graves.
'Halloa, Bill, old man,' he said, prodding him amiably in the
waistcoat with the ferrule of the umbrella. 'How's the boy? Fine!
So'm I. So you got my message? Wonderful invention, the
'I've just come from the club.'
'Take a chair.'
'What's the matter?'
Jerry Nichols thrust Bill into a chair and seated himself on the
'Now look here, Bill,' he said, 'this isn't the way we usually do
this sort of thing, and if the governor were here he would spend
an hour and a half rambling on about testators and beneficiary
legatees, and parties of the first part, and all that sort of rot.
But as he isn't here I want to know, as one pal to another, what
you've been doing to an old buster of the name of Nutcombe.'
'Not Ira Nutcombe?'
'Ira J. Nutcombe, formerly of Chicago, later of London, now a
'Is he dead?'
'Yes. And he's left you something like a million pounds.'
Lord Dawlish looked at his watch.
'Joking apart, Jerry, old man,' he said, 'what did you ask me to
come here for? The committee expects me to spend some of my time
at the club, and if I hang about here all the afternoon I shall
lose my job. Besides, I've got to get back to ask them for—'
Jerry Nichols clutched his forehead with both hands, raised both
hands to heaven, and then, as if despairing of calming himself by
these means, picked up a paper-weight from the desk and hurled it
at a portrait of the founder of the firm, which hung over the
mantelpiece. He got down from the table and crossed the room to
inspect the ruins.
Then, having taken a pair of scissors and cut the cord, he allowed
the portrait to fall to the floor.
He rang the bell. The prematurely-aged office-boy, who was
undoubtedly destined to become a member of the firm some day,
answered the ring.
'Inspect yonder souffle.'
'You have observed it?'
'You are wondering how it got there?'
'I will tell you. You and I were in here, discussing certain legal
minutiae in the interests of the firm, when it suddenly fell. We
both saw it and were very much surprised and startled. I soothed
your nervous system by giving you this half-crown. The whole
incident was very painful. Can you remember all this to tell my
father when he comes in? I shall be out lunching then.'
'An admirable lad that,' said Jerry Nichols as the door closed.
'He has been here two years, and I have never heard him say
anything except "Yes, sir." He will go far. Well, now that I am
calmer let us return to your little matter. Honestly, Bill, you
make me sick. When I contemplate you the iron enters my soul. You
stand there talking about your tuppenny-ha'penny job as if it
mattered a cent whether you kept it or not. Can't you understand
plain English? Can't you realize that you can buy Brown's and turn
it into a moving-picture house if you like? You're a millionaire!'
Bill's face expressed no emotion whatsoever. Outwardly he appeared
unmoved. Inwardly he was a riot of bewilderment, incapable of
speech. He stared at Jerry dumbly.
'We've got the will in the old oak chest,' went on Jerry Nichols.
'I won't show it to you, partly because the governor has got the
key and he would have a fit if he knew that I was giving you early
information like this, and partly because you wouldn't understand
it. It is full of "whereases" and "peradventures" and "heretofores"
and similar swank, and there aren't any stops in it. It takes the legal
mind, like mine, to tackle wills. What it says, when you've peeled
off a few of the long words which they put in to make it more
interesting, is that old Nutcombe leaves you the money because
you are the only man who ever did him a disinterested kindness—and
what I want to get out of you is, what was the disinterested kindness?
Because I'm going straight out to do it to every elderly, rich-looking
man I can find till I pick a winner.'
Lord Dawlish found speech.
'Jerry, is this really true?'
'You aren't pulling my leg?'
'Pulling your leg? Of course I'm not pulling your leg. What do you
take me for? I'm a dry, hard-headed lawyer. The firm of Nichols,
Nichols, Nichols, and Nichols doesn't go about pulling people's
'It appears from the will that you worked this disinterested gag,
whatever it was, at Marvis Bay no longer ago than last year.
Wherein you showed a lot of sense, for Ira J., having altered his
will in your favour, apparently had no time before he died to
alter it again in somebody else's, which he would most certainly
have done if he had lived long enough, for his chief recreation
seems to have been making his will. To my certain knowledge he has
made three in the last two years. I've seen them. He was one of
those confirmed will-makers. He got the habit at an early age, and
was never able to shake it off. Do you remember anything about the
'It isn't possible!'
'Anything's possible with a man cracked enough to make freak wills
and not cracked enough to have them disputed on the ground of
insanity. What did you do to him at Marvis Bay? Save him from
'I cured him of slicing.'
'You did what?'
'He used to slice his approach shots. I cured him.'
'The thing begins to hang together. A certain plausibility creeps
into it. The late Nutcombe was crazy about golf. The governor used
to play with him now and then at Walton Heath. It was the only
thing Nutcombe seemed to live for. That being so, if you got rid
of his slice for him it seems to me, that you earned your money.
The only point that occurs to me is, how does it affect your
amateur status? It looks to me as if you were now a pro.'
'But, Jerry, it's absurd. All I did was to give him a tip or two.
We were the only men down there, as it was out of the season, and
that drew us together. And when I spotted this slice of his I just
gave him a bit of advice. I give you my word that was all. He
can't have left me a fortune on the strength of that!'
'You don't tell the story right, Bill. I can guess what really
happened—to wit, that you gave up all your time to helping the
old fellow improve his game, regardless of the fact that it
completely ruined your holiday.'
'It's no use sitting there saying "Oh, no!" I can see you at it.
The fact is, you're such an infernally good chap that something of
this sort was bound to happen to you sooner or later. I think
making you his heir was the only sensible thing old Nutcombe ever
did. In his place I'd have done the same.'
'But he didn't even seem decently grateful at the time.'
'Probably not. He was a queer old bird. He had a most almighty row
with the governor in this office only a month or two ago about
absolutely nothing. They disagreed about something trivial, and
old Nutcombe stalked out and never came in again. That's the sort
of old bird he was.'
'Was he sane, do you think?'
'Absolutely, for legal purposes. We have three opinions from leading
doctors—collected by him in case of accidents, I suppose—each of
which declares him perfectly sound from the collar upward. But a
man can be pretty far gone, you know, without being legally insane,
and old Nutcombe—well, suppose we call him whimsical. He seems to
have zigzagged between the normal and the eccentric.
'His only surviving relatives appear to be a nephew and a niece.
The nephew dropped out of the running two years ago when his aunt,
old Nutcombe's wife, who had divorced old Nutcombe, left him her
money. This seems to have soured the old boy on the nephew, for in
the first of his wills that I've seen—you remember I told you I
had seen three—he leaves the niece the pile and the nephew only
gets twenty pounds. Well, so far there's nothing very eccentric
about old Nutcombe's proceedings. But wait!
'Six months after he had made that will he came in here and made
another. This left twenty pounds to the nephew as before, but
nothing at all to the niece. Why, I don't know. There was nothing
in the will about her having done anything to offend him during
those six months, none of those nasty slams you see in wills about
"I bequeath to my only son John one shilling and sixpence. Now
perhaps he's sorry he married the cook." As far as I can make out
he changed his will just as he did when he left the money to you,
purely through some passing whim. Anyway, he did change it. He
left the pile to support the movement those people are running for
getting the Jews back to Palestine.
'He didn't seem, on second thoughts, to feel that this was quite
such a brainy scheme as he had at first, and it wasn't long before
he came trotting back to tear up this second will and switch back
to the first one—the one leaving the money to the niece. That
restoration to sanity lasted till about a month ago, when he broke
loose once more and paid his final visit here to will you the
contents of his stocking. This morning I see he's dead after a
short illness, so you collect. Congratulations!'
Lord Dawlish had listened to this speech in perfect silence. He now
rose and began to pace the room. He looked warm and uncomfortable.
His demeanour, in fact, was by no means the accepted demeanour of
the lucky heir.
'This is awful!' he said. 'Good Lord, Jerry, it's frightful!'
'Awful!—being left a million pounds?'
'Yes, like this. I feel like a bally thief.'
'Why on earth?'
'If it hadn't been for me this girl—what's her name?'
'Her name is Boyd—Elizabeth Boyd.'
'She would have had the whole million if it hadn't been for me.
Have you told her yet?'
'She's in America. I was writing her a letter just before you came
in—informal, you know, to put her out of her misery. If I had
waited for the governor to let her know in the usual course of red
tape we should never have got anywhere. Also one to the nephew,
telling him about his twenty pounds. I believe in humane treatment
on these occasions. The governor would write them a legal letter
with so many "hereinbefores" in it that they would get the idea
that they had been left the whole pile. I just send a cheery line
saying "It's no good, old top. Abandon hope," and they know just
where they are. Simple and considerate.'
A glance at Bill's face moved him to further speech.
'I don't see why you should worry, Bill. How, by any stretch of
the imagination, can you make out that you are to blame for this
Boyd girl's misfortune? It looks to me as if these eccentric wills
of old Nutcombe's came in cycles, as it were. Just as he was due
for another outbreak he happened to meet you. It's a moral
certainty that if he hadn't met you he would have left all his
money to a Home for Superannuated Caddies or a Fund for Supplying
the Deserving Poor with Niblicks. Why should you blame yourself?'
'I don't blame myself. It isn't exactly that. But—but, well, what
would you feel like in my place?'
'Wouldn't you do anything?'
'I certainly would. By my halidom, I would! I would spend that
money with a vim and speed that would make your respected
ancestor, the Beau, look like a village miser.'
'You wouldn't—er—pop over to America and see whether something
couldn't be arranged?'
'I mean—suppose you were popping in any case. Suppose you had
happened to buy a ticket for New York on to-morrow's boat,
wouldn't you try to get in touch with this girl when you got to
America, and see if you couldn't—er—fix up something?'
Jerry Nichols looked at him in honest consternation. He had always
known that old Bill was a dear old ass, but he had never dreamed
that he was such an infernal old ass as this.
'You aren't thinking of doing that?' he gasped.
'Well, you see, it's a funny coincidence, but I was going to
America, anyhow, to-morrow. I don't see why I shouldn't try to fix
up something with this girl.'
'What do you mean—fix up something? You don't suggest that you
should give the money up, do you?'
'I don't know. Not exactly that, perhaps. How would it be if I
gave her half, what? Anyway, I should like to find out about her,
see if she's hard up, and so on. I should like to nose round, you
know, and—er—and so forth, don't you know. Where did you say the
'I didn't say, and I'm not sure that I shall. Honestly, Bill, you
mustn't be so quixotic.'
'There's no harm in my nosing round, is there? Be a good chap and
give me the address.'
'Well'—with misgivings—'Brookport, Long Island.'
'Bill, are you really going to make a fool of yourself?'
'Not a bit of it, old chap. I'm just going to—er—'
'To nose round?'
'To nose round,' said Bill.
Jerry Nichols accompanied his friend to the door, and once more
peace reigned in the offices of Nichols, Nichols, Nichols, and
The time of a man who has at a moment's notice decided to leave
his native land for a sojourn on foreign soil is necessarily taken
up with a variety of occupations; and it was not till the
following afternoon, on the boat at Liverpool, that Bill had
leisure to write to Claire, giving her the news of what had
befallen him. He had booked his ticket by a Liverpool boat in
preference to one that sailed from Southampton because he had not
been sure how Claire would take the news of his sudden decision to
leave for America. There was the chance that she might ridicule or
condemn the scheme, and he preferred to get away without seeing
her. Now that he had received this astounding piece of news from
Jerry Nichols he was relieved that he had acted in this way.
Whatever Claire might have thought of the original scheme, there
was no doubt at all what she would think of his plan of seeking
out Elizabeth Boyd with a view to dividing the legacy with her.
He was guarded in his letter. He mentioned no definite figures. He
wrote that Ira Nutcombe of whom they had spoken so often had most
surprisingly left him in his will a large sum of money, and eased
his conscience by telling himself that half of a million pounds
undeniably was a large sum of money.
The addressing of the letter called for thought. She would have
left Southampton with the rest of the company before it could
arrive. Where was it that she said they were going next week?
Portsmouth, that was it. He addressed the letter Care of The Girl
and the Artist Company, to the King's Theatre, Portsmouth.
The village of Brookport, Long Island, is a summer place. It
lives, like the mosquitoes that infest it, entirely on its summer
visitors. At the time of the death of Mr Ira Nutcombe, the only
all-the-year-round inhabitants were the butcher, the grocer, the
chemist, the other customary fauna of villages, and Miss Elizabeth
Boyd, who rented the ramshackle farm known locally as Flack's and
eked out a precarious livelihood by keeping bees.
If you take down your Encyclopaedia Britannica, Volume III,
AUS to BIS, you will find that bees are a 'large and natural
family of the zoological order Hymenoptera, characterized by the
plumose form of many of their hairs, by the large size of the
basal segment of the foot … and by the development of a "tongue"
for sucking liquid food,' the last of which peculiarities, it is
interesting to note, they shared with Claude Nutcombe Boyd,
Elizabeth's brother, who for quite a long time—till his money ran
out—had made liquid food almost his sole means of sustenance.
These things, however, are by the way. We are not such snobs as to
think better or worse of a bee because it can claim kinship with
the Hymenoptera family, nor so ill-bred as to chaff it for
having large feet. The really interesting passage in the article
occurs later, where it says: 'The bee industry prospers greatly in
This is one of those broad statements that invite challenge.
Elizabeth Boyd would have challenged it. She had not prospered
greatly. With considerable trouble she contrived to pay her way,
and that was all.
Again referring to the 'Encyclopaedia,' we find the words: 'Before
undertaking the management of a modern apiary, the beekeeper
should possess a certain amount of aptitude for the pursuit.' This
was possibly the trouble with Elizabeth's venture, considered from
a commercial point of view. She loved bees, but she was not an
expert on them. She had started her apiary with a small capital, a
book of practical hints, and a second-hand queen, principally
because she was in need of some occupation that would enable her
to live in the country. It was the unfortunate condition of Claude
Nutcombe which made life in the country a necessity. At that time
he was spending the remains of the money left him by his aunt, and
Elizabeth had hardly settled down at Brookport and got her venture
under way when she found herself obliged to provide for Nutty a
combination of home and sanatorium. It had been the poor lad's
mistaken view that he could drink up all the alcoholic liquor in
It is a curious law of Nature that the most undeserving brothers
always have the best sisters. Thrifty, plodding young men, who get
up early, and do it now, and catch the employer's eye, and save
half their salaries, have sisters who never speak civilly to them
except when they want to borrow money. To the Claude Nutcombes of
the world are vouchsafed the Elizabeths.
The great aim of Elizabeth's life was to make a new man of Nutty.
It was her hope that the quiet life and soothing air of Brookport,
with—unless you counted the money-in-the-slot musical box at the
store—its absence of the fiercer excitements, might in time pull
him together and unscramble his disordered nervous system. She
liked to listen of a morning to the sound of Nutty busy in the
next room with a broom and a dustpan, for in the simple lexicon of
Flack's there was no such word as 'help'. The privy purse would
not run to a maid. Elizabeth did the cooking and Claude Nutcombe
Several days after Claire Fenwick and Lord Dawlish, by different
routes, had sailed from England, Elizabeth Boyd sat up in bed and
shook her mane of hair from her eyes, yawning. Outside her window
the birds were singing, and a shaft of sunlight intruded itself
beneath the blind. But what definitely convinced her that it was
time to get up was the plaintive note of James, the cat,
patrolling the roof of the porch. An animal of regular habits,
James always called for breakfast at eight-thirty sharp.
Elizabeth got out of bed, wrapped her small body in a pink kimono,
thrust her small feet into a pair of blue slippers, yawned again,
and went downstairs. Having taken last night's milk from the ice-box,
she went to the back door, and, having filled James's saucer,
stood on the grass beside it, sniffing the morning air.
Elizabeth Boyd was twenty-one, but standing there with her hair
tumbling about her shoulders she might have been taken by a
not-too-close observer for a child. It was only when you saw her eyes
and the resolute tilt of the chin that you realized that she was a
young woman very well able to take care of herself in a difficult
world. Her hair was very fair, her eyes brown and very bright, and
the contrast was extraordinarily piquant. They were valiant eyes,
full of spirit; eyes, also, that saw the humour of things. And her
mouth was the mouth of one who laughs easily. Her chin, small like
the rest of her, was strong; and in the way she held herself there
was a boyish jauntiness. She looked—and was—a capable little
She stood besides James like a sentinel, watching over him as he
breakfasted. There was a puppy belonging to one of the neighbours
who sometimes lumbered over and stole James's milk, disposing of
it in greedy gulps while its rightful proprietor looked on with
piteous helplessness. Elizabeth was fond of the puppy, but her
sense of justice was keen and she was there to check this
It was a perfect day, cloudless and still. There was peace in the
air. James, having finished his milk, began to wash himself. A
squirrel climbed cautiously down from a linden tree. From the
orchard came the murmur of many bees.
Aesthetically Elizabeth was fond of still, cloudless days, but
experience had taught her to suspect them. As was the custom in
that locality, the water supply depended on a rickety windwheel.
It was with a dark foreboding that she returned to the kitchen and
turned on one of the taps. For perhaps three seconds a stream of
the dimension of a darning-needle emerged, then with a sad gurgle
the tap relapsed into a stolid inaction. There is no stolidity so
utter as that of a waterless tap.
'Confound it!' said Elizabeth.
She passed through the dining-room to the foot of the stairs.
There was no reply.
'Nutty, my precious lamb!'
Upstairs in the room next to her own a long, spare form began to
uncurl itself in bed; a face with a receding chin and a small
forehead raised itself reluctantly from the pillow, and Claude
Nutcombe Boyd signalized the fact that he was awake by scowling at
the morning sun and uttering an aggrieved groan.
Alas, poor Nutty! This was he whom but yesterday Broadway had
known as the Speed Kid, on whom head-waiters had smiled and lesser
waiters fawned; whose snake-like form had nestled in so many a
front-row orchestra stall.
Where were his lobster Newburgs now, his cold quarts that were
wont to set the table in a roar?
Nutty Boyd conformed as nearly as a human being may to Euclid's
definition of a straight line. He was length without breadth. From
boyhood's early day he had sprouted like a weed, till now in the
middle twenties he gave startled strangers the conviction that it
only required a sharp gust of wind to snap him in half. Lying in
bed, he looked more like a length of hose-pipe than anything else.
While he was unwinding himself the door opened and Elizabeth came
into the room.
'Good morning, Nutty!'
'What's the time?' asked her brother, hollowly.
'Getting on towards nine. It's a lovely day. The birds are
singing, the bees are buzzing, summer's in the air. It's one of
those beautiful, shiny, heavenly, gorgeous days.'
A look of suspicion came into Nutty's eyes. Elizabeth was not
often as lyrical as this.
'There's a catch somewhere,' he said.
'Well, as a matter of fact,' said Elizabeth, carelessly, 'the
water's off again.'
'I said that. I'm afraid we aren't a very original family.'
'What a ghastly place this is! Why can't you see old Flack and
make him mend that infernal wheel?'
'I'm going to pounce on him and have another try directly I see
him. Meanwhile, darling Nutty, will you get some clothes on and go
round to the Smiths and ask them to lend us a pailful?'
'Oh, gosh, it's over a mile!'
'No, no, not more than three-quarters.'
'Lugging a pail that weighs a ton! The last time I went there
their dog bit me.'
'I expect that was because you slunk in all doubled up, and he got
suspicious. You should hold your head up and throw your chest out
and stride up as if you were a military friend of the family.'
Self-pity lent Nutty eloquence.
'For Heaven's sake! You drag me out of bed at some awful hour of
the morning when a rational person would just be turning in; you
send me across country to fetch pailfuls of water when I'm feeling
like a corpse; and on top of that you expect me to behave like a
'Dearest, you can wriggle on your tummy, if you like, so long as
you get the fluid. We must have water. I can't fetch it. I'm a
'We ought to have a man to do these ghastly jobs.'
'But we can't afford one. Just at present all I ask is to be able
to pay expenses. And, as a matter of fact, you ought to be very
thankful that you have got—'
'A roof over my head? I know. You needn't keep rubbing it in.'
'I wasn't going to say that at all. What a pig you are sometimes,
Nutty. As if I wasn't only too glad to have you here. What I was
going to say was that you ought to be very thankful that you have
got to draw water and hew wood—'
A look of absolute alarm came into Nutty's pallid face.
'You don't mean to say that you want some wood chopped?'
'I was speaking figuratively. I meant hustle about and work in the
open air. The sort of life you are leading now is what millionaires
pay hundreds of dollars for at these physical-culture places. It
has been the making of you.'
'I don't feel made.'
'Your nerves are ever so much better.'
Elizabeth looked at him in alarm.
'Oh, Nutty, you haven't been—seeing anything again, have you?'
'Not seeing, dreaming. I've been dreaming about monkeys. Why
should I dream about monkeys if my nerves were all right?'
'I often dream about all sorts of queer things.'
'Have you ever dreamed that you were being chased up Broadway by a
chimpanzee in evening dress?'
'Never mind, dear, you'll be quite all right again when you have
been living this life down here a little longer.'
Nutty glared balefully at the ceiling.
'What's that darned thing up there on the ceiling? It looks like a
hornet. How on earth do these things get into the house?'
'We ought to have nettings. I am going to pounce on Mr Flack about
'Thank goodness this isn't going to last much longer. It's nearly
two weeks since Uncle Ira died. We ought to be hearing from the
lawyers any day now. There might be a letter this morning.'
'Do you think he has left us his money?'
'Do I? Why, what else could he do with it? We are his only
surviving relatives, aren't we? I've had to go through life with a
ghastly name like Nutcombe as a compliment to him, haven't I? I
wrote to him regularly at Christmas and on his birthday, didn't I?
Well, then! I have a feeling there will be a letter from the
lawyers to-day. I wish you would get dressed and go down to the
post-office while I'm fetching that infernal water. I can't think
why the fools haven't cabled. You would have supposed they would
have thought of that.'
Elizabeth returned to her room to dress. She was conscious of a
feeling that nothing was quite perfect in this world. It would be
nice to have a great deal of money, for she had a scheme in her
mind which called for a large capital; but she was sorry that it
could come to her only through the death of her uncle, of whom,
despite his somewhat forbidding personality, she had always been
fond. She was also sorry that a large sum of money was coming to
Nutty at that particular point in his career, just when there
seemed the hope that the simple life might pull him together. She
knew Nutty too well not to be able to forecast his probable
behaviour under the influence of a sudden restoration of wealth.
While these thoughts were passing through her mind she happened to
glance out of the window. Nutty was shambling through the garden
with his pail, a bowed, shuffling pillar of gloom. As Elizabeth
watched, he dropped the pail and lashed the air violently for a
while. From her knowledge of bees ('It is needful to remember that
bees resent outside interference and will resolutely defend
themselves,' Encyc. Brit., Vol. III, AUS to BIS) Elizabeth
deduced that one of her little pets was annoying him. This episode
concluded, Nutty resumed his pail and the journey, and at this
moment there appeared over the hedge the face of Mr John Prescott,
a neighbour. Mr Prescott, who had dismounted from a bicycle,
called to Nutty and waved something in the air. To a stranger the
performance would have been obscure, but Elizabeth understood it.
Mr Prescott was intimating that he had been down to the post-office
for his own letters and, as was his neighbourly custom on these
occasions, had brought back also letters for Flack's.
Nutty foregathered with Mr Prescott and took the letters from him.
Mr Prescott disappeared. Nutty selected one of the letters and
opened it. Then, having stood perfectly still for some moments, he
suddenly turned and began to run towards the house.
The mere fact that her brother, whose usual mode of progression
was a languid saunter, should be actually running, was enough to
tell Elizabeth that the letter which Nutty had read was from the
London lawyers. No other communication could have galvanized him
into such energy. Whether the contents of the letter were good or
bad it was impossible at that distance to say. But when she
reached the open air, just as Nutty charged up, she saw by his
face that it was anguish not joy that had spurred him on. He was
gasping and he bubbled unintelligible words. His little eyes
'Nutty, darling, what is it?' cried Elizabeth, every maternal
instinct in her aroused.
He was thrusting a sheet of paper at her, a sheet of paper that
bore the superscription of Nichols, Nichols, Nichols, and Nichols,
with a London address.
'Uncle Ira—' Nutty choked. 'Twenty pounds! He's left me twenty
pounds, and all the rest to a—to a man named Dawlish!'
In silence Elizabeth took the letter. It was even as he had said.
A few moments before Elizabeth had been regretting the imminent
descent of wealth upon her brother. Now she was inconsistent
enough to boil with rage at the shattering blow which had befallen
him. That she, too, had lost her inheritance hardly occurred to
her. Her thoughts were all for Nutty. It did not need the sight of
him, gasping and gurgling before her, to tell her how overwhelming
was his disappointment.
It was useless to be angry with the deceased Mr Nutcombe. He was
too shadowy a mark. Besides, he was dead. The whole current of her
wrath turned upon the supplanter, this Lord Dawlish. She pictured
him as a crafty adventurer, a wretched fortune-hunter. For some
reason or other she imagined him a sinister person with a black
moustache, a face thin and hawk-like, and unpleasant eyes. That
was the sort of man who would be likely to fasten his talons into
poor Uncle Ira.
She had never hated any one in her life before, but as she stood
there at that moment she felt that she loathed and detested
William Lord Dawlish—unhappy, well-meaning Bill, who only a few
hours back had set foot on American soil in his desire to nose
round and see if something couldn't be arranged.
Nutty fetched the water. Life is like that. There is nothing
clean-cut about it, no sense of form. Instead of being permitted
to concentrate his attention on his tragedy Nutty had to trudge
three-quarters of a mile, conciliate a bull-terrier, and trudge
back again carrying a heavy pail. It was as if one of the heroes
of Greek drama, in the middle of his big scene, had been asked to
run round the corner to a provision store.
The exercise did not act as a restorative. The blow had been too
sudden, too overwhelming. Nutty's reason—such as it was—tottered
on its throne. Who was Lord Dawlish? What had he done to
ingratiate himself with Uncle Ira? By what insidious means, with
what devilish cunning, had he wormed his way into the old man's
favour? These were the questions that vexed Nutty's mind when he
was able to think at all coherently.
Back at the farm Elizabeth cooked breakfast and awaited her
brother's return with a sinking heart. She was a soft-hearted
girl, easily distressed by the sight of suffering; and she was
aware that Nutty was scarcely of the type that masks its woes
behind a brave and cheerful smile. Her heart bled for Nutty.
There was a weary step outside. Nutty entered, slopping water. One
glance at his face was enough to tell Elizabeth that she had
formed a too conservative estimate of his probable gloom. Without
a word he coiled his long form in a chair. There was silence in
the stricken house.
'What's the time?'
Elizabeth glanced at her watch.
'About now,' said Nutty, sepulchrally, 'the blighter is ringing
for his man to prepare his bally bath and lay out his gold-leaf
underwear. After that he will drive down to the bank and draw some
of our money.'
The day passed wearily for Elizabeth. Nutty having the air of one
who is still engaged in picking up the pieces, she had not the
heart to ask him to play his customary part in the household
duties, so she washed the dishes and made the beds herself. After
that she attended to the bees. After that she cooked lunch.
Nutty was not chatty at lunch. Having observed 'About now the
blighter is cursing the waiter for bringing the wrong brand of
champagne,' he relapsed into a silence which he did not again
Elizabeth was busy again in the afternoon. At four o'clock,
feeling tired out, she went to her room to lie down until the next
of her cycle of domestic duties should come round.
It was late when she came downstairs, for she had fallen asleep.
The sun had gone down. Bees were winging their way heavily back to
the hives with their honey. She went out into the grounds to try
to find Nutty. There had been no signs of him in the house. There
were no signs of him about the grounds. It was not like him to
have taken a walk, but it seemed the only possibility. She went
back to the house to wait. Eight o'clock came, and nine, and it
was then the truth dawned upon her—Nutty had escaped. He had
slipped away and gone up to New York.
Lord Dawlish sat in the New York flat which had been lent him by
his friend Gates. The hour was half-past ten in the evening; the
day, the second day after the exodus of Nutty Boyd from the farm.
Before him on the table lay a letter. He was smoking pensively.
Lord Dawlish had found New York enjoyable, but a trifle fatiguing.
There was much to be seen in the city, and he had made the mistake
of trying to see it all at once. It had been his intention, when
he came home after dinner that night, to try to restore the
balance of things by going to bed early. He had sat up longer than
he had intended, because he had been thinking about this letter.
Immediately upon his arrival in America, Bill had sought out a
lawyer and instructed him to write to Elizabeth Boyd, offering her
one-half of the late Ira Nutcombe's money. He had had time during
the voyage to think the whole matter over, and this seemed to him
the only possible course. He could not keep it all. He would feel
like the despoiler of the widow and the orphan. Nor would it be
fair to Claire to give it all up. If he halved the legacy
everybody would be satisfied.
That at least had been his view until Elizabeth's reply had
arrived. It was this reply that lay on the table—a brief, formal
note, setting forth Miss Boyd's absolute refusal to accept any
portion of the money. This was a development which Bill had not
foreseen, and he was feeling baffled. What was the next step? He
had smoked many pipes in the endeavour to find an answer to this
problem, and was lighting another when the door-bell rang.
He opened the door and found himself confronting an extraordinarily
tall and thin young man in evening-dress.
Lord Dawlish was a little startled. He had taken it for granted,
when the bell rang, that his visitor was Tom, the liftman from
downstairs, a friendly soul who hailed from London and had been
dropping in at intervals during the past two days to acquire the
latest news from his native land. He stared at this changeling
inquiringly. The solution of the mystery came with the stranger's
'Is Gates in?'
He spoke eagerly, as if Gates were extremely necessary to his
well-being. It distressed Lord Dawlish to disappoint him, but
there was nothing else to be done.
'Gates is in London,' he said.
'What! When did he go there?'
'About four months ago.'
'May I come in a minute?'
'Yes, rather, do.'
He led the way into the sitting-room. The stranger gave abruptly
in the middle, as if he were being folded up by some invisible
agency, and in this attitude sank into a chair, where he lay back
looking at Bill over his knees, like a sorrowful sheep peering
over a sharp-pointed fence.
'You're from England, aren't you?'
'Been in New York long?'
'Only a couple of days.'
The stranger folded himself up another foot or so until his knees
were higher than his head, and lit a cigarette.
'The curse of New York,' he said, mournfully, 'is the way
everything changes in it. You can't take your eyes off it for a
minute. The population's always shifting. It's like a railway
station. You go away for a bit and come back and try to find your
old pals, and they're all gone: Ike's in Arizona, Mike's in a
sanatorium, Spike's in jail, and nobody seems to know where the
rest of them have got to. I came up from the country two days ago,
expecting to find the old gang along Broadway the same as ever,
and I'm dashed if I've been able to put my hands on one of them!
Not a single, solitary one of them! And it's only six months since
I was here last.'
Lord Dawlish made sympathetic noises.
'Of course,' proceeded the other, 'the time of year may have
something to do with it. Living down in the country you lose count
of time, and I forgot that it was July, when people go out of the
city. I guess that must be what happened. I used to know all sorts
of fellows, actors and fellows like that, and they're all away
somewhere. I tell you,' he said, with pathos, 'I never knew I
could be so infernally lonesome as I have been these last two
days. If I had known what a rotten time I was going to have I
would never have left Brookport.'
'It's a place down on Long Island.'
Bill was not by nature a plotter, but the mere fact of travelling
under an assumed name had developed a streak of wariness in him.
He checked himself just as he was about to ask his companion if he
happened to know a Miss Elizabeth Boyd, who also lived at
Brookport. It occurred to him that the question would invite a
counter-question as to his own knowledge of Miss Boyd, and he knew
that he would not be able to invent a satisfactory answer to that
'This evening,' said the thin young man, resuming his dirge, 'I
was sweating my brain to try to think of somebody I could hunt up
in this ghastly, deserted city. It isn't so easy, you know, to
think of fellows' names and addresses. I can get the names all
right, but unless the fellow's in the telephone-book, I'm done.
Well, I was trying to think of some of my pals who might still be
around the place, and I remembered Gates. Remembered his address,
too, by a miracle. You're a pal of his, of course?'
'Yes, I knew him in London.'
'Oh, I see. And when you came over here he lent you his flat? By
the way, I didn't get your name?'
'My name's Chalmers.'
'Well, as I say, I remembered Gates and came down here to look him
up. We used to have a lot of good times together a year ago. And
now he's gone too!'
'Did you want to see him about anything important?'
'Well, it's important to me. I wanted him to come out to supper.
You see, it's this way: I'm giving supper to-night to a girl who's
in that show at the Forty-ninth Street Theatre, a Miss Leonard,
and she insists on bringing a pal. She says the pal is a good
sport, which sounds all right—' Bill admitted that it sounded all
right. 'But it makes the party three. And of all the infernal
things a party of three is the ghastliest.'
Having delivered himself of this undeniable truth the stranger
slid a little farther into his chair and paused. 'Look here, what
are you doing to-night?' he said.
'I was thinking of going to bed.'
'Going to bed!' The stranger's voice was shocked, as if he had
heard blasphemy. 'Going to bed at half-past ten in New York! My
dear chap, what you want is a bit of supper. Why don't you come
Amiability was, perhaps, the leading quality of Lord Dawlish's
character. He did not want to have to dress and go out to supper,
but there was something almost pleading in the eyes that looked at
him between the sharply-pointed knees.
'It's awfully good of you—' He hesitated.
'Not a bit; I wish you would. You would be a life-saver.'
Bill felt that he was in for it. He got up.
'You will?' said the other. 'Good boy! You go and get into some
clothes and come along. I'm sorry, what did you say your name
'Mine's Boyd—Nutcombe Boyd.'
'Boyd!' cried Bill.
Nutty took his astonishment, which was too great to be concealed,
as a compliment. He chuckled.
'I thought you would know the name if you were a pal of Gates's. I
expect he's always talking about me. You see, I was pretty well
known in this old place before I had to leave it.'
Bill walked down the long passage to his bedroom with no trace of
the sleepiness which had been weighing on him five minutes before.
He was galvanized by a superstitious thrill. It was fate,
Elizabeth Boyd's brother turning up like this and making friendly
overtures right on top of that letter from her. This astonishing
thing could not have been better arranged if he had planned it
himself. From what little he had seen of Nutty he gathered that
the latter was not hard to make friends with. It would be a simple
task to cultivate his acquaintance. And having done so, he could
renew negotiations with Elizabeth. The desire to rid himself of
half the legacy had become a fixed idea with Bill. He had the
impression that he could not really feel clean again until he had
made matters square with his conscience in this respect. He felt
that he was probably a fool to take that view of the thing, but
that was the way he was built and there was no getting away from
This irruption of Nutty Boyd into his life was an omen. It meant
that all was not yet over. He was conscious of a mild surprise
that he had ever intended to go to bed. He felt now as if he never
wanted to go to bed again. He felt exhilarated.
In these days one cannot say that a supper-party is actually given
in any one place. Supping in New York has become a peripatetic
pastime. The supper-party arranged by Nutty Boyd was scheduled to
start at Reigelheimer's on Forty-second Street, and it was there
that the revellers assembled.
Nutty and Bill had been there a few minutes when Miss Daisy
Leonard arrived with her friend. And from that moment Bill was
never himself again.
The Good Sport was, so to speak, an outsize in Good Sports. She
loomed up behind the small and demure Miss Leonard like a liner
towed by a tug. She was big, blonde, skittish, and exuberant; she
wore a dress like the sunset of a fine summer evening, and she
effervesced with spacious good will to all men. She was one of
those girls who splash into public places like stones into quiet
pools. Her form was large, her eyes were large, her teeth were
large, and her voice was large. She overwhelmed Bill. She hit his
astounded consciousness like a shell. She gave him a buzzing in
the ears. She was not so much a Good Sport as some kind of an
He was still reeling from the spiritual impact with this female
tidal wave when he became aware, as one who, coming out of a
swoon, hears voices faintly, that he was being addressed by Miss
Leonard. To turn from Miss Leonard's friend to Miss Leonard
herself was like hearing the falling of gentle rain after a
thunderstorm. For a moment he revelled in the sense of being
soothed; then, as he realized what she was saying, he started
violently. Miss Leonard was looking at him curiously.
'I beg your pardon?' said Bill.
'I'm sure I've met you before, Mr Chalmers.'
'But I can't think where.'
'I'm sure,' said the Good Sport, languishingly, like a sentimental
siege-gun, 'that if I had ever met Mr Chalmers before I shouldn't
have forgotten him.'
'You're English, aren't you?' asked Miss Leonard.
The Good Sport said she was crazy about Englishmen.
'I thought so from your voice.'
The Good Sport said that she was crazy about the English accent.
'It must have been in London that I met you. I was in the revue at
the Alhambra last year.'
'By George, I wish I had seen you!' interjected the infatuated
The Good Sport said that she was crazy about London.
'I seem to remember,' went on Miss Leonard, 'meeting you out at
supper. Do you know a man named Delaney in the Coldstream Guards?'
Bill would have liked to deny all knowledge of Delaney, though the
latter was one of his best friends, but his natural honesty
'I'm sure I met you at a supper he gave at Oddy's one Friday
night. We all went on to Covent Garden. Don't you remember?'
'Talking of supper,' broke in Nutty, earning Bill's hearty
gratitude thereby, 'where's the dashed head-waiter? I want to find
He surveyed the restaurant with a melancholy eye.
'Everything changed!' He spoke sadly, as Ulysses might have done
when his boat put in at Ithaca. 'Every darned thing different
since I was here last. New waiter, head-waiter I never saw before
in my life, different-coloured carpet—'
'Cheer up, Nutty, old thing!' said Miss Leonard. 'You'll feel
better when you've had something to eat. I hope you had the sense
to tip the head-waiter, or there won't be any table. Funny how
these places go up and down in New York. A year ago the whole
management would turn out and kiss you if you looked like spending
a couple of dollars here. Now it costs the earth to get in at
'Why's that?' asked Nutty.
'Lady Pauline Wetherby, of course. Didn't you know this was where
'Never heard of her,' said Nutty, in a sort of ecstasy of wistful
gloom. 'That will show you how long I've been away. Who is she?'
Miss Leonard invoked the name of Mike.
'Don't you ever get the papers in your village, Nutty?'
'I never read the papers. I don't suppose I've read a paper for
years. I can't stand 'em. Who is Lady Pauline Wetherby?'
'She does Greek dances—at least, I suppose they're Greek. They
all are nowadays, unless they're Russian. She's an English
Miss Leonard's friend said she was crazy about these picturesque
old English families; and they went in to supper.
* * * * *
Looking back on the evening later and reviewing its leading
features, Lord Dawlish came to the conclusion that he never
completely recovered from the first shock of the Good Sport. He
was conscious all the time of a dream-like feeling, as if he were
watching himself from somewhere outside himself. From some
conning-tower in this fourth dimension he perceived himself eating
broiled lobster and drinking champagne and heard himself bearing
an adequate part in the conversation; but his movements were
* * * * *
Time passed. It seemed to Lord Dawlish, watching from without,
that things were livening up. He seemed to perceive a quickening
of the tempo of the revels, an added abandon. Nutty was
getting quite bright. He had the air of one who recalls the good
old days, of one who in familiar scenes re-enacts the joys of his
vanished youth. The chastened melancholy induced by many months of
fetching of pails of water, of scrubbing floors with a mop, and of
jumping like a firecracker to avoid excited bees had been purged
from him by the lights and the music and the wine. He was telling
a long anecdote, laughing at it, throwing a crust of bread at an
adjacent waiter, and refilling his glass at the same time. It is
not easy to do all these things simultaneously, and the fact that
Nutty did them with notable success was proof that he was picking
Miss Daisy Leonard was still demure, but as she had just slipped a
piece of ice down the back of Nutty's neck one may assume that she
was feeling at her ease and had overcome any diffidence or shyness
which might have interfered with her complete enjoyment of the
festivities. As for the Good Sport, she was larger, blonder, and
more exuberant than ever and she was addressing someone as 'Bill'.
Perhaps the most remarkable phenomenon of the evening, as it
advanced, was the change it wrought in Lord Dawlish's attitude
toward this same Good Sport. He was not conscious of the beginning
of the change; he awoke to the realization of it suddenly. At the
beginning of supper his views on her had been definite and clear.
When they had first been introduced to each other he had had a
stunned feeling that this sort of thing ought not to be allowed at
large, and his battered brain had instinctively recalled that line
of Tennyson: 'The curse is come upon me.' But now, warmed with
food and drink and smoking an excellent cigar, he found that a
gentler, more charitable mood had descended upon him.
He argued with himself in extenuation of the girl's peculiar
idiosyncrasies. Was it, he asked himself, altogether her fault
that she was so massive and spoke as if she were addressing an
open-air meeting in a strong gale? Perhaps it was hereditary.
Perhaps her father had been a circus giant and her mother the
strong woman of the troupe. And for the unrestraint of her manner
defective training in early girlhood would account. He began to
regard her with a quiet, kindly commiseration, which in its turn
changed into a sort of brotherly affection. He discovered that he
liked her. He liked her very much. She was so big and jolly and
robust, and spoke in such a clear, full voice. He was glad that
she was patting his hand. He was glad that he had asked her to
call him Bill.
People were dancing now. It has been claimed by patriots that
American dyspeptics lead the world. This supremacy, though partly
due, no doubt, to vast supplies of pie absorbed in youth, may be
attributed to a certain extent also to the national habit of
dancing during meals. Lord Dawlish had that sturdy reverence for
his interior organism which is the birthright of every Briton. And
at the beginning of supper he had resolved that nothing should
induce him to court disaster in this fashion. But as the time went
on he began to waver.
The situation was awkward. Nutty and Miss Leonard were repeatedly
leaving the table to tread the measure, and on these occasions the
Good Sport's wistfulness was a haunting reproach. Nor was the
spectacle of Nutty in action without its effect on Bill's
resolution. Nutty dancing was a sight to stir the most stolid.
Bill wavered. The music had started again now, one of those
twentieth-century eruptions of sound that begin like a train going
through a tunnel and continue like audible electric shocks, that
set the feet tapping beneath the table and the spine thrilling
with an unaccustomed exhilaration. Every drop of blood in his body
cried to him 'Dance!' He could resist no longer.
'Shall we?' he said.
Bill should not have danced. He was an estimable young man,
honest, amiable, with high ideals. He had played an excellent game
of football at the university; his golf handicap was plus two; and
he was no mean performer with the gloves. But we all of us have
our limitations, and Bill had his. He was not a good dancer. He
was energetic, but he required more elbow room than the ordinary
dancing floor provides. As a dancer, in fact, he closely resembled
a Newfoundland puppy trying to run across a field.
It takes a good deal to daunt the New York dancing man, but the
invasion of the floor by Bill and the Good Sport undoubtedly
caused a profound and even painful sensation. Linked together they
formed a living projectile which might well have intimidated the
bravest. Nutty was their first victim. They caught him in
mid-step—one of those fancy steps which he was just beginning to
exhume from the cobwebbed recesses of his memory—and swept him
away. After which they descended resistlessly upon a stout
gentleman of middle age, chiefly conspicuous for the glittering
diamonds which he wore and the stoical manner in which he danced
to and fro on one spot of not more than a few inches in size in
the exact centre of the room. He had apparently staked out a claim
to this small spot, a claim which the other dancers had decided to
respect; but Bill and the Good Sport, coming up from behind, had
him two yards away from it at the first impact. Then, scattering
apologies broadcast like a medieval monarch distributing largesse,
Bill whirled his partner round by sheer muscular force and began
what he intended to be a movement toward the farther corner,
skirting the edge of the floor. It was his simple belief that
there was more safety there than in the middle.
He had not reckoned with Heinrich Joerg. Indeed, he was not aware
of Heinrich Joerg's existence. Yet fate was shortly to bring them
together, with far-reaching results. Heinrich Joerg had left the
Fatherland a good many years before with the prudent purpose of
escaping military service. After various vicissitudes in the land
of his adoption—which it would be extremely interesting to
relate, but which must wait for a more favourable opportunity—he
had secured a useful and not ill-recompensed situation as one of
the staff of Reigelheimer's Restaurant. He was, in point of fact,
a waiter, and he comes into the story at this point bearing a tray
full of glasses, knives, forks, and pats of butter on little
plates. He was setting a table for some new arrivals, and in order
to obtain more scope for that task he had left the crowded aisle
beyond the table and come round to the edge of the dancing-floor.
He should not have come out on to the dancing-floor. In another
moment he was admitting that himself. For just as he was lowering
his tray and bending over the table in the pursuance of his
professional duties, along came Bill at his customary high rate
of speed, propelling his partner before him, and for the first
time since he left home Heinrich was conscious of a regret that he
had done so. There are worse things than military service!
It was the table that saved Bill. He clutched at it and it
supported him. He was thus enabled to keep the Good Sport from
falling and to assist Heinrich to rise from the morass of glasses,
knives, and pats of butter in which he was wallowing. Then, the
dance having been abandoned by mutual consent, he helped his now
somewhat hysterical partner back to their table.
Remorse came upon Bill. He was sorry that he had danced; sorry
that he had upset Heinrich; sorry that he had subjected the Good
Sport's nervous system to such a strain; sorry that so much glass
had been broken and so many pats of butter bruised beyond repair.
But of one thing, even in that moment of bleak regrets, he was
distinctly glad, and that was that all these things had taken
place three thousand miles away from Claire Fenwick. He had not
been appearing at his best, and he was glad that Claire had not
As he sat and smoked the remains of his cigar, while renewing his
apologies and explanations to his partner and soothing the ruffled
Nutty with well-chosen condolences, he wondered idly what Claire
was doing at that moment.
Claire at that moment, having been an astonished eye-witness of
the whole performance, was resuming her seat at a table at the
other end of the room.
There were two reasons why Lord Dawlish was unaware of Claire
Fenwick's presence at Reigelheimer's Restaurant: Reigelheimer's is
situated in a basement below a ten-storey building, and in order
to prevent this edifice from falling into his patrons' soup the
proprietor had been obliged to shore up his ceiling with massive
pillars. One of these protruded itself between the table which
Nutty had secured for his supper-party and the table at which
Claire was sitting with her friend, Lady Wetherby, and her steamer
acquaintance, Mr Dudley Pickering. That was why Bill had not seen
Claire from where he sat; and the reason that he had not seen her
when he left his seat and began to dance was that he was not one
of your dancers who glance airily about them. When Bill danced he
He would have been stunned with amazement if he had known that
Claire was at Reigelheimer's that night. And yet it would have
been remarkable, seeing that she was the guest of Lady Wetherby,
if she had not been there. When you have travelled three thousand
miles to enjoy the hospitality of a friend who does near-Greek
dances at a popular restaurant, the least you can do is to go to
the restaurant and watch her step. Claire had arrived with Polly
Wetherby and Mr Dudley Pickering at about the time when Nutty, his
gloom melting rapidly, was instructing the waiter to open the
Of Claire's movements between the time when she secured her ticket
at the steamship offices at Southampton and the moment when she
entered Reigelheimer's Restaurant it is not necessary to give a
detailed record. She had had the usual experiences of the ocean
voyager. She had fed, read, and gone to bed. The only notable
event in her trip had been her intimacy with Mr Dudley Pickering.
Dudley Pickering was a middle-aged Middle Westerner, who by thrift
and industry had amassed a considerable fortune out of automobiles.
Everybody spoke well of Dudley Pickering. The papers spoke well of
him, Bradstreet spoke well of him, and he spoke well of himself. On
board the liner he had poured the saga of his life into Claire's
attentive ears, and there was a gentle sweetness in her manner which
encouraged Mr Pickering mightily, for he had fallen in love with
Claire on sight.
It would seem that a schoolgirl in these advanced days would know
what to do when she found that a man worth millions was in love
with her; yet there were factors in the situation which gave
Claire pause. Lord Dawlish, of course, was one of them. She had
not mentioned Lord Dawlish to Mr Pickering, and—doubtless lest
the sight of it might pain him—she had abstained from wearing her
engagement ring during the voyage. But she had not completely lost
sight of the fact that she was engaged to Bill. Another thing that
caused her to hesitate was the fact that Dudley Pickering, however
wealthy, was a most colossal bore. As far as Claire could
ascertain on their short acquaintance, he had but one subject of
To Claire an automobile was a shiny thing with padded seats, in
which you rode if you were lucky enough to know somebody who owned
one. She had no wish to go more deeply into the matter. Dudley
Pickering's attitude towards automobiles, on the other hand, more
nearly resembled that of a surgeon towards the human body. To him
a car was something to dissect, something with an interior both
interesting to explore and fascinating to talk about. Claire
listened with a radiant display of interest, but she had her
doubts as to whether any amount of money would make it worth while
to undergo this sort of thing for life. She was still in this
hesitant frame of mind when she entered Reigelheimer's Restaurant,
and it perturbed her that she could not come to some definite
decision on Mr Pickering, for those subtle signs which every woman
can recognize and interpret told her that the latter, having paved
the way by talking machinery for a week, was about to boil over
and speak of higher things.
At the very next opportunity, she was certain, he intended to
The presence of Lady Wetherby acted as a temporary check on the
development of the situation, but after they had been seated at
their table a short time the lights of the restaurant were
suddenly lowered, a coloured limelight became manifest near the
roof, and classical music made itself heard from the fiddles in
You could tell it was classical, because the banjo players were
leaning back and chewing gum; and in New York restaurants only
death or a classical speciality can stop banjoists.
There was a spatter of applause, and Lady Wetherby rose.
'This,' she explained to Claire, 'is where I do my stunt. Watch
it. I invented the steps myself. Classical stuff. It's called the
Dream of Psyche.'
It was difficult for one who knew her as Claire did to associate
Polly Wetherby with anything classical. On the road, in England,
when they had been fellow-members of the Number Two company of
The Heavenly Waltz, Polly had been remarkable chiefly for a
fund of humorous anecdote and a gift, amounting almost to genius,
for doing battle with militant landladies. And renewing their
intimacy after a hiatus of a little less than a year Claire had
found her unchanged.
It was a truculent affair, this Dream of Psyche. It was not so much
dancing as shadow boxing. It began mildly enough to the accompaniment
of pizzicato strains from the orchestra—Psyche in her training
quarters. Rallentando—Psyche punching the bag. Diminuendo—Psyche
using the medicine ball. Presto—Psyche doing road work. Forte—The
night of the fight. And then things began to move to a climax. With
the fiddles working themselves to the bone and the piano bounding
under its persecutor's blows, Lady Wetherby ducked, side-stepped,
rushed, and sprang, moving her arms in a manner that may have been
classical Greek, but to the untrained eye looked much more like the
last round of some open-air bout.
It was half-way through the exhibition, when you could smell the
sawdust and hear the seconds shouting advice under the ropes, that
Claire, who, never having seen anything in her life like this
extraordinary performance, had been staring spellbound, awoke to
the realization that Dudley Pickering was proposing to her. It
required a woman's intuition to divine this fact, for Mr Pickering
was not coherent. He did not go straight to the point. He rambled.
But Claire understood, and it came to her that this thing had
taken her before she was ready. In a brief while she would have to
give an answer of some sort, and she had not clearly decided what
answer she meant to give.
Then, while he was still skirting his subject, before he had
wandered to what he really wished to say, the music stopped, the
applause broke out again, and Lady Wetherby returned to the table
like a pugilist seeking his corner at the end of a round. Her face
was flushed and she was breathing hard.
'They pay me money for that!' she observed, genially. 'Can you
The spell was broken. Mr Pickering sank back in his chair in a
punctured manner. And Claire, making monosyllabic replies to her
friend's remarks, was able to bend her mind to the task of finding
out how she stood on this important Pickering issue. That he would
return to the attack as soon as possible she knew; and the next
time she must have her attitude clearly defined one way or the
Lady Wetherby, having got the Dance of Psyche out of her system,
and replaced it with a glass of iced coffee, was inclined for
'Algie called me up on the phone this evening, Claire.'
Claire was examining Mr Pickering with furtive side glances. He
was not handsome, nor, on the other hand, was he repulsive.
'Undistinguished' was the adjective that would have described him.
He was inclined to stoutness, but not unpardonably so; his hair
was thin, but he was not aggressively bald; his face was dull, but
certainly not stupid. There was nothing in his outer man which his
millions would not offset. As regarded his other qualities, his
conversation was certainly not exhilarating. But that also was
not, under certain conditions, an unforgivable thing. No, looking
at the matter all round and weighing it with care, the real
obstacle, Claire decided, was not any quality or lack of qualities
in Dudley Pickering—it was Lord Dawlish and the simple fact that
it would be extremely difficult, if she discarded him in favour of a
richer man without any ostensible cause, to retain her self-respect.
'I think he's weakening.'
Yes, that was the crux of the matter. She wanted to retain her
good opinion of herself. And in order to achieve that end it was
essential that she find some excuse, however trivial, for breaking
off the engagement.
A waiter approached the table.
The thwarted lover came to life with a start.
'A gentleman wishes to speak to you on the telephone.'
'Oh, yes. I was expecting a long-distance call, Lady Wetherby, and
left word I would be here. Will you excuse me?'
Lady Wetherby watched him as he bustled across the room.
'What do you think of him, Claire?'
'Mr Pickering? I think he's very nice.'
'He admires you frantically. I hoped he would. That's why I wanted
you to come over on the same ship with him.'
'Polly! I had no notion you were such a schemer.'
'I would just love to see you two fix it up,' continued Lady
Wetherby, earnestly. 'He may not be what you might call a genius,
but he's a darned good sort; and all his millions help, don't
they? You don't want to overlook these millions, Claire!'
'I do like Mr Pickering.'
'Claire, he asked me if you were engaged.'
'When I told him you weren't, he beamed. Honestly, you've only got
to lift your little finger and—Oh, good Lord, there's Algie!'
Claire looked up. A dapper, trim little man of about forty was
threading his way among the tables in their direction. It was a
year since Claire had seen Lord Wetherby, but she recognized him
at once. He had a red, weather-beaten face with a suspicion of
side-whiskers, small, pink-rimmed eyes with sandy eyebrows, the
smoothest of sandy hair, and a chin so cleanly shaven that it was
difficult to believe that hair had ever grown there. Although his
evening-dress was perfect in every detail, he conveyed a subtle
suggestion of horsiness. He reached the table and sat down without
invitation in the vacant chair.
'Pauline!' he said, sorrowfully.
'Algie!' said Lady Wetherby, tensely. 'I don't know what you've
come here for, and I don't remember asking you to sit down and put
your elbows on that table, but I want to begin by saying that I
will not be called Pauline. My name's Polly. You've got a way of
saying Pauline, as if it were a gentlemanly cuss-word, that makes
me want to scream. And while you're about it, why don't you say
how-d'you-do to Claire? You ought to remember her, she was my
'How do you do, Miss Fenwick. Of course, I remember you perfectly.
I'm glad to see you again.'
'And now, Algie, what is it? Why have you come here?' Lord
Wetherby looked doubtfully at Claire. 'Oh, that's all right,' said
Lady Wetherby. 'Claire knows all about it—I told her.'
'Then I appeal to Miss Fenwick, if, as you say, she knows all the
facts of the case, to say whether it is reasonable to expect a man
of my temperament, a nervous, highly-strung artist, to welcome the
presence of snakes at the breakfast-table. I trust that I am not
an unreasonable man, but I decline to admit that a long, green
snake is a proper thing to keep about the house.'
'You had no right to strike the poor thing.'
'In that one respect I was perhaps a little hasty. I happened to
be stirring my tea at the moment his head rose above the edge of
the table. I was not entirely myself that morning. My nerves were
somewhat disordered. I had lain awake much of the night planning a
'Planning a what?'
'A canvas—a picture.'
Lady Wetherby turned to Claire.
'I want you to listen to Algie, Claire. A year ago he did not know
one end of a paint-brush from the other. He didn't know he had any
nerves. If you had brought him the artistic temperament on a plate
with a bit of watercress round it, he wouldn't have recognized it.
And now, just because he's got a studio, he thinks he has a right
to go up in the air if you speak to him suddenly and run about the
place hitting snakes with teaspoons as if he were Michelangelo!'
'You do me an injustice. It is true that as an artist I developed
late—But why should we quarrel? If it will help to pave the way
to a renewed understanding between us, I am prepared to apologize
for striking Clarence. That is conciliatory, I think, Miss
'Miss Fenwick considers my attitude conciliatory.'
'It's something,' admitted Lady Wetherby, grudgingly.
Lord Wetherby drained the whisky-and-soda which Dudley Pickering
had left behind him, and seemed to draw strength from it, for he
now struck a firmer note.
'But, though expressing regret for my momentary loss of self-control,
I cannot recede from the position I have taken up as regards the
essential unfitness of Clarence's presence in the home.'
Lady Wetherby looked despairingly at Claire.
'The very first words I heard Algie speak, Claire, were at
Newmarket during the three o'clock race one May afternoon. He was
hanging over the rail, yelling like an Indian, and what he was
yelling was, "Come on, you blighter, come on! By the living jingo,
Brickbat wins in a walk!" And now he's talking about receding from
essential positions! Oh, well, he wasn't an artist then!'
'My dear Pau—Polly. I am purposely picking my words on the
present occasion in order to prevent the possibility of further
misunderstandings. I consider myself an ambassador.'
'You would be shocked if you knew what I consider you!'
'I am endeavouring to the best of my ability—'
'Algie, listen to me! I am quite calm at present, but there's no
knowing how soon I may hit you with a chair if you don't come to
earth quick and talk like an ordinary human being. What is it that
you are driving at?'
'Very well, it's this: I'll come home if you get rid of that
'It's surely not much to ask of you, Polly?'
Lord Wetherby sighed.
'When I led you to the altar,' he said, reproachfully, 'you
promised to love, honour, and obey me. I thought at the time it
was a bit of swank!'
Lady Wetherby's manner thawed. She became more friendly.
'When you talk like that, Algie, I feel there's hope for you after
all. That's how you used to talk in the dear old days when you'd
come to me to borrow half-a-crown to put on a horse! Listen, now
that at last you seem to be getting more reasonable; I wish I
could make you understand that I don't keep Clarence for sheer
love of him. He's a commercial asset. He's an advertisement. You
must know that I have got to have something to—'
'I admit that may be so as regards the monkey, Eustace. Monkeys as
aids to publicity have, I believe, been tested and found valuable
by other artistes. I am prepared to accept Eustace, but the snake
'Oh, you don't object to Eustace, then?'
'I do strongly, but I concede his uses.'
'You would live in the same house as Eustace?'
'I would endeavour to do so. But not in the same house as Eustace
There was a pause.
'I don't know that I'm so stuck on Clarence myself,' said Lady
'Wait a minute. I've not said I would get rid of him.'
'But you will?'
Lady Wetherby's hesitation lasted but a moment. 'All right, Algie.
I'll send him to the Zoo to-morrow.'
'My precious pet!'
A hand, reaching under the table, enveloped Claire's in a loving
From the look on Lord Wetherby's face she supposed that he was
under the delusion that he was bestowing this attention on his
'You know, Algie, darling,' said Lady Wetherby, melting completely,
'when you get that yearning note in your voice I just flop and take
the full count.'
'My sweetheart, when I saw you doing that Dream of
What's-the-girl's-bally-name dance just now, it was all I could
do to keep from rushing out on to the floor and hugging you.'
'Do you mind letting go of my hand, please, Lord Wetherby?' said
Claire, on whom these saccharine exchanges were beginning to have
a cloying effect.
For a moment Lord Wetherby seemed somewhat confused, but, pulling
himself together, he covered his embarrassment with a pomposity
that blended poorly with his horsy appearance.
'Married life, Miss Fenwick,' he said, 'as you will no doubt
discover some day, must always be a series of mutual compromises,
of cheerful give and take. The lamp of love—'
His remarks were cut short by a crash at the other end of the
room. There was a sharp cry and the splintering of glass. The
place was full of a sudden, sharp confusion. They jumped up with
one accord. Lady Wetherby spilled her iced coffee; Lord Wetherby
dropped the lamp of love. Claire, who was nearest the pillar that
separated them from the part of the restaurant where the accident
had happened, was the first to see what had taken place.
A large man, dancing with a large girl, appeared to have charged
into a small waiter, upsetting him and his tray and the contents
of his tray. The various actors in the drama were now engaged in
sorting themselves out from the ruins. The man had his back toward
her, and it seemed to Claire that there was something familiar
about that back. Then he turned, and she recognized Lord Dawlish.
She stood transfixed. For a moment surprise was her only emotion.
How came Bill to be in America? Then other feelings blended with
her surprise. It is a fact that Lord Dawlish was looking
Claire's eyes travelled from Bill to his partner and took in with
one swift feminine glance her large, exuberant blondeness. There
is no denying that, seen with a somewhat biased eye, the Good
Sport resembled rather closely a poster advertising a revue.
Claire returned to her seat. Lord and Lady Wetherby continued to
talk, but she allowed them to conduct the conversation without her
'You're very quiet, Claire,' said Polly.
'A very good thing, too, so they tell me. I've never tried it
myself. Algie, darling, he was a bad boy to leave his nice home,
wasn't he? He didn't deserve to have his hand held.'
It had been a great night for Nutty Boyd. If the vision of his
sister Elizabeth, at home at the farm speculating sadly on the
whereabouts of her wandering boy, ever came before his mental eye
he certainly did not allow it to interfere with his appreciation
of the festivities. At Frolics in the Air, whither they moved
after draining Reigelheimer's of what joys it had to offer, and at
Peale's, where they went after wearying of Frolics in the Air, he
was in the highest spirits. It was only occasionally that the
recollection came to vex him that this could not last, that—since
his Uncle Ira had played him false—he must return anon to the
place whence he had come.
Why, in a city of all-night restaurants, these parties ever break
up one cannot say, but a merciful Providence sees to it that they
do, and just as Lord Dawlish was contemplating an eternity of the
company of Nutty and his two companions, the end came. Miss
Leonard said that she was tired. Her friend said that it was a
shame to go home at dusk like this, but, if the party was going to
be broken up, she supposed there was nothing else for it. Bill was
too sleepy to say anything.
The Good Sport lived round the corner, and only required Lord
Dawlish's escort for a couple of hundred yards. But Miss Leonard's
hotel was in the neighbourhood of Washington Square, and it was
Nutty's pleasing task to drive her thither. Engaged thus, he
received a shock that electrified him.
'That pal of yours,' said Miss Leonard, drowsily—she was
half-asleep—'what did you say his name was?'
'Chalmers, he told me. I only met him to-night.'
'Well, it isn't; it's something else. It'—Miss Leonard
yawned—'it's Lord something.'
'How do you mean, "Lord something"?'
'He's a lord—at least, he was when I met him in London.'
'Are you sure you met him in London?'
'Of course I'm sure. He was at that supper Captain Delaney gave at
Oddy's. There can't be two men in England who dance like that!'
The recollection of Bill's performance stimulated Miss Leonard
into a temporary wakefulness, and she giggled.
'He danced just the same way that night in London. I wish I could
remember his name. I almost had it a dozen times tonight. It's
something with a window in it.'
'A window?' Nutty's brain was a little fatigued and he felt
himself unequal to grasping this. 'How do you mean, a window?'
'No, not a window—a door! I knew it was something about a house.
I know now, his name's Lord Dawlish.'
Nutty's fatigue fell from him like a garment.
'It can't be!'
Miss Leonard's eyes had closed and she spoke in a muffled voice.
'Are you sure?'
Nutty was wide awake now and full of inquiries; but his companion
unfortunately was asleep, and he could not put them to her. A
gentleman cannot prod a lady—and his guest, at that—in the ribs
in order to wake her up and ask her questions. Nutty sat back and
gave himself up to feverish thought.
He could think of no reason why Lord Dawlish should have come to
America calling himself William Chalmers, but that was no reason
why he should not have done so. And Daisy Leonard, who all along
had remembered meeting him in London, had identified him.
Nutty was convinced. Arriving finally at Miss Leonard's hotel, he
woke her up and saw her in at the door; then, telling the man to
drive to the lodgings of his new friend, he urged his mind to
rapid thought. He had decided as a first step in the following up
of this matter to invite Bill down to Elizabeth's farm, and the
thought occurred to him that this had better be done to-night, for
he knew by experience that on the morning after these little
jaunts he was seldom in the mood to seek people out and invite
them to go anywhere.
All the way to the flat he continued to think, and it was
wonderful what possibilities there seemed to be in this little
scheme of courting the society of the man who had robbed him of
his inheritance. He had worked on Bill's feelings so successfully
as to elicit a loan of a million dollars, and was just proceeding
to marry him to Elizabeth, when the cab stopped with the sudden
sharpness peculiar to New York cabs, and he woke up, to find
himself at his destination.
Bill was in bed when the bell rang, and received his late host in
his pyjamas, wondering, as he did so, whether this was the New
York custom, to foregather again after a party had been broken up,
and chat till breakfast. But Nutty, it seemed, had come with a
motive, not from a desire for more conversation.
'Sorry to disturb you, old man,' said Nutty. 'I looked in to tell
you that I was going down to the country to-morrow. I wondered
whether you would care to come and spend a day or two with us.'
Bill was delighted. This was better than he had hoped for.
'Rather!' he said. 'Thanks awfully!'
'There are plenty of trains in the afternoon,' said Nutty. 'I
don't suppose either of us will feel like getting up early. I'll
call for you here at half-past six, and we'll have an early dinner
and catch the seven-fifteen, shall we? We live very simply, you
know. You won't mind that?'
'My dear chap!'
'That's all right, then,' said Nutty, closing the door. 'Good
Elizabeth entered Nutty's room and, seating herself on the bed,
surveyed him with a bright, quiet eye that drilled holes in her
brother's uneasy conscience. This was her second visit to him that
morning. She had come an hour ago, bearing breakfast on a tray,
and had departed without saying a word. It was this uncanny
silence of hers even more than the effects—which still lingered—of
his revels in the metropolis that had interfered with Nutty's
enjoyment of the morning meal. Never a hearty breakfaster, he had
found himself under the influence of her wordless disapproval
physically unable to consume the fried egg that confronted him. He
had given it one look; then, endorsing the opinion which he had
once heard a character in a play utter in somewhat similar
circumstances—that there was nothing on earth so homely as an
egg—he had covered it with a handkerchief and tried to pull
himself round with hot tea. He was now smoking a sad cigarette and
waiting for the blow to fall.
Her silence had puzzled him. Though he had tried to give her no
opportunity of getting him alone on the previous evening when he
had arrived at the farm with Lord Dawlish, he had fully expected
that she would have broken in upon him with abuse and recrimination
in the middle of the night. Yet she had not done this, nor had she
spoken to him when bringing him his breakfast. These things found
their explanation in Elizabeth's character, with which Nutty, though
he had known her so long, was but imperfectly acquainted. Elizabeth
had never been angrier with her brother, but an innate goodness of
heart had prevented her falling upon him before he had had rest and
She wanted to massacre him, but at the same time she told herself
that the poor dear must be feeling very, very ill, and should have
a reasonable respite before the slaughter commenced.
It was plain that in her opinion this respite had now lasted long
enough. She looked over her shoulder to make sure that she had
closed the door, then leaned a little forward and spoke.
The wretched youth attempted bluster.
'What do you mean—"Now, Nutty"? What's the use of looking at a
fellow like that and saying "Now, Nutty"? Where's the sense—'
His voice trailed off. He was not a very intelligent young man,
but even he could see that his was not a position where righteous
indignation could be assumed with any solid chance of success. As
a substitute he tried pathos.
'Oo-oo, my head does ache!'
'I wish it would burst,' said his sister, unkindly.
'That's a nice thing to say to a fellow!'
'I'm sorry. I wouldn't have said it—'
'Only I couldn't think of anything worse.'
It began to seem to Nutty that pathos was a bit of a failure too.
As a last resort he fell back on silence. He wriggled as far down
as he could beneath the sheets and breathed in a soft and wounded
sort of way. Elizabeth took up the conversation.
'Nutty,' she said, 'I've struggled for years against the
conviction that you were a perfect idiot. I've forced myself,
against my better judgement, to try to look on you as sane, but
now I give in. I can't believe you are responsible for your
actions. Don't imagine that I am going to heap you with reproaches
because you sneaked off to New York. I'm not even going to tell
you what I thought of you for not sending me a telegram, letting
me know where you were. I can understand all that. You were
disappointed because Uncle Ira had not left you his money, and I
suppose that was your way of working it off. If you had just run
away and come back again with a headache, I'd have treated you
like the Prodigal Son. But there are some things which are too
much, and bringing a perfect stranger back with you for an
indefinite period is one of them. I'm not saying anything against
Mr Chalmers personally. I haven't had time to find out much about
him, except that he's an Englishman; but he looks respectable.
Which, as he's a friend of yours, is more or less of a miracle.'
She raised her eyebrows as a faint moan of protest came from
beneath the sheets.
'You surely,' she said, 'aren't going to suggest at this hour of
the day, Nutty, that your friends aren't the most horrible set of
pests outside a prison? Not that it's likely after all these
months that they are outside a prison. You know perfectly well
that while you were running round New York you collected the most
pernicious bunch of rogues that ever fastened their talons into a
silly child who ought never to have been allowed out without his
nurse.' After which complicated insult Elizabeth paused for
breath, and there was silence for a space.
'Well, as I was saying, I know nothing against this Mr Chalmers.
Probably his finger-prints are in the Rogues' Gallery, and he is
better known to the police as Jack the Blood, or something, but he
hasn't shown that side of him yet. My point is that, whoever he
is, I do not want him or anybody else coming and taking up his
abode here while I have to be cook and housemaid too. I object to
having a stranger on the premises spying out the nakedness of the
land. I am sensitive about my honest poverty. So, darling Nutty,
my precious Nutty, you poor boneheaded muddler, will you kindly
think up at your earliest convenience some plan for politely
ejecting this Mr Chalmers of yours from our humble home?—because
if you don't, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown.'
And, completely restored to good humour by her own eloquence,
Elizabeth burst out laughing. It was a trait in her character
which she had often lamented, that she could not succeed in
keeping angry with anyone for more than a few minutes on end.
Sooner or later some happy selection of a phrase of abuse would
tickle her sense of humour, or the appearance of her victim would
become too funny not to be laughed at. On the present occasion it
was the ridiculous spectacle of Nutty cowering beneath the
bedclothes that caused her wrath to evaporate. She made a weak
attempt to recover it. She glared at Nutty, who at the sound of
her laughter had emerged from under the clothes like a worm after
'I mean it,' she said. 'It really is too bad of you! You might
have had some sense and a little consideration. Ask yourself if we
are in a position here to entertain visitors. Well, I'm going to
make myself very unpopular with this Mr Chalmers of yours. By this
evening he will be regarding me with utter loathing, for I am
about to persecute him.'
'What do you mean?' asked Nutty, alarmed.
'I am going to begin by asking him to help me open one of the
'For goodness' sake!'
'After that I shall—with his assistance—transfer some honey. And
after that—well, I don't suppose he will be alive by then. If he
is, I shall make him wash the dishes for me. The least he can do,
after swooping down on us like this, is to make himself useful.'
A cry of protest broke from the appalled Nutty, but Elizabeth did
not hear it. She had left the room and was on her way downstairs.
Lord Dawlish was smoking an after-breakfast cigar in the grounds.
It was a beautiful day, and a peaceful happiness had come upon
him. He told himself that he had made progress. He was under the
same roof as the girl he had deprived of her inheritance, and it
should be simple to establish such friendly relations as would
enable him to reveal his identity and ask her to reconsider her
refusal to relieve him of a just share of her uncle's money. He
had seen Elizabeth for only a short time on the previous night,
but he had taken an immediate liking to her. There was something
about the American girl, he reflected, which seemed to put a man
at his ease, a charm and directness all her own. Yes, he liked
Elizabeth, and he liked this dwelling-place of hers. He was quite
willing to stay on here indefinitely.
Nature had done well by Flack's. The house itself was more
pleasing to the eye than most of the houses in those parts, owing
to the black and white paint which decorated it and an unconventional
flattening and rounding of the roof. Nature, too, had made so many
improvements that the general effect was unusually delightful.
Bill perceived Elizabeth coming toward him from the house. He
threw away his cigar and went to meet her. Seen by daylight, she
was more attractive than ever. She looked so small and neat and
wholesome, so extremely unlike Miss Daisy Leonard's friend. And
such was the reaction from what might be termed his later
Reigelheimer's mood that if he had been asked to define feminine
charm in a few words, he would have replied without hesitation
that it was the quality of being as different as possible in every
way from the Good Sport. Elizabeth fulfilled this qualification.
She was not only small and neat, but she had a soft voice to which
it was a joy to listen.
'I was just admiring your place,' he said.
'Its appearance is the best part of it,' said Elizabeth. 'It is a
deceptive place. The bay looks beautiful, but you can't bathe in
it because of the jellyfish. The woods are lovely, but you daren't
go near them because of the ticks.'
'They jump on you and suck your blood,' said Elizabeth, carelessly.
'And the nights are gorgeous, but you have to stay indoors after
dusk because of the mosquitoes.' She paused to mark the effect of
these horrors on her visitor. 'And then, of course,' she went on,
as he showed no signs of flying to the house to pack his bag and
catch the next train, 'the bees are always stinging you. I hope you
are not afraid of bees, Mr Chalmers?'
'Rather not. Jolly little chaps!'
A gleam appeared in Elizabeth's eye.
'If you are so fond of them, perhaps you wouldn't mind coming and
helping me open one of the hives?'
'I'll go and fetch the things.'
She went into the house and ran up to Nutty's room, waking that
sufferer from a troubled sleep.
'Nutty, he's bitten.'
Nutty sat up violently.
'Good gracious! What by?'
'You don't understand. What I meant was that I invited your Mr
Chalmers to help me open a hive, and he said "Rather!" and is
waiting to do it now. Be ready to say good-bye to him. If he comes
out of this alive, his first act, after bathing the wounds with
ammonia, will be to leave us for ever.'
'But look here, he's a visitor—'
'Cheer up! He won't be much longer.'
'You can't let him in for a ghastly thing like opening a hive.
When you made me do it that time I was picking stings out of
myself for a week.'
'That was because you had been smoking. Bees dislike the smell of
'But this fellow may have been smoking.'
'He has just finished a strong cigar.'
'For Heaven's sake!'
'Good-bye, Nutty, dear; I mustn't keep him waiting.'
Lord Dawlish looked with interest at the various implements which
she had collected when she rejoined him outside. He relieved her
of the stool, the smoker, the cotton-waste, the knife, the
screwdriver, and the queen-clipping cage.
'Let me carry these for you,' he said, 'unless you've hired a
Elizabeth disapproved of this flippancy. It was out of place in
one who should have been trembling at the prospect of doom.
'Don't you wear a veil for this sort of job?'
As a rule Elizabeth did. She had reached a stage of intimacy with
her bees which rendered a veil a superfluous precaution, but until
to-day she had never abandoned it. Her view of the matter was
that, though the inhabitants of the hives were familiar and
friendly with her by this time and recognized that she came among
them without hostile intent, it might well happen that among so
many thousands there might be one slow-witted enough and obtuse
enough not to have grasped this fact. And in such an event a veil
was better than any amount of explanations, for you cannot stick
to pure reason when quarrelling with bees.
But to-day it had struck her that she could hardly protect herself
in this way without offering a similar safeguard to her visitor,
and she had no wish to hedge him about with safeguards.
'Oh, no,' she said, brightly; 'I'm not afraid of a few bees. Are
'You know what to do if one of them flies at you?'
'Well, it would, anyway—what? What I mean to say is, I could
leave most of the doing to the bee.'
Elizabeth was more disapproving than ever. This was mere bravado.
She did not speak again until they reached the hives.
In the neighbourhood of the hives a vast activity prevailed. What,
heard from afar, had been a pleasant murmur became at close
quarters a menacing tumult. The air was full of bees—bees
sallying forth for honey, bees returning with honey, bees
trampling on each other's heels, bees pausing in mid-air to pass
the time of day with rivals on competing lines of traffic.
Blunt-bodied drones whizzed to and fro with a noise like miniature
high-powered automobiles, as if anxious to convey the idea of being
tremendously busy without going to the length of doing any actual
work. One of these blundered into Lord Dawlish's face, and it
pleased Elizabeth to observe that he gave a jump.
'Don't be afraid,' she said, 'it's only a drone. Drones have no
'They have hard heads, though. Here he comes again!'
'I suppose he smells your tobacco. A drone has thirty-seven
thousand eight hundred nostrils, you know.'
'That gives him a sporting chance of smelling a cigar—what? I
mean to say, if he misses with eight hundred of his nostrils he's
apt to get it with the other thirty-seven thousand.'
Elizabeth was feeling annoyed with her bees. They resolutely
declined to sting this young man. Bees flew past him, bees flew
into him, bees settled upon his coat, bees paused questioningly in
front of him, as who should say, 'What have we here?' but not a
single bee molested him. Yet when Nutty, poor darling, went within
a dozen yards of the hives he never failed to suffer for it. In
her heart Elizabeth knew perfectly well that this was because
Nutty, when in the presence of the bees, lost his head completely
and behaved like an exaggerated version of Lady Wetherby's Dream
of Psyche, whereas Bill maintained an easy calm; but at the moment
she put the phenomenon down to that inexplicable cussedness which
does so much to exasperate the human race, and it fed her
annoyance with her unbidden guest.
Without commenting on his last remark, she took the smoker from
him and set to work. She inserted in the fire-chamber a handful of
the cotton-waste and set fire to it; then with a preliminary puff
or two of the bellows to make sure that the conflagration had not
gone out, she aimed the nozzle at the front door of the hive.
The results were instantaneous. One or two bee-policemen, who were
doing fixed point-duty near the opening, scuttled hastily back
into the hive; and from within came a muffled buzzing as other
bees, all talking at once, worried the perplexed officials with
foolish questions, a buzzing that became less muffled and more
pronounced as Elizabeth lifted the edge of the cover and directed
more smoke through the crack. This done, she removed the cover,
set it down on the grass beside her, lifted the super-cover and
applied more smoke, and raised her eyes to where Bill stood
watching. His face wore a smile of pleased interest.
Elizabeth's irritation became painful. She resented his smile. She
hung the smoker on the side of the hive.
'The stool, please, and the screw-driver.'
She seated herself beside the hive and began to loosen the outside
section. Then taking the brood-frame by the projecting ends, she
pulled it out and handed it to her companion. She did it as one
who plays an ace of trumps.
'Would you mind holding this, Mr Chalmers?'
This was the point in the ceremony at which the wretched Nutty had
broken down absolutely, and not inexcusably, considering the
severity of the test. The surface of the frame was black with what
appeared at first sight to be a thick, bubbling fluid of some
sort, pouring viscously to and fro as if some hidden fire had been
lighted beneath it. Only after a closer inspection was it apparent
to the lay eye that this seeming fluid was in reality composed of
mass upon mass of bees. They shoved and writhed and muttered and
jostled, for all the world like a collection of home-seeking City
men trying to secure standing room on the Underground at half-past
five in the afternoon.
Nutty, making this discovery, had emitted one wild yell, dropped
the frame, and started at full speed for the house, his retreat
expedited by repeated stings from the nervous bees. Bill, more
prudent, remained absolutely motionless. He eyed the seething
frame with interest, but without apparent panic.
'I want you to help me here, Mr Chalmers. You have stronger wrists
than I have. I will tell you what to do. Hold the frame tightly.'
'I've got it.'
'Jerk it down as sharply as you can to within a few inches of the
door, and then jerk it up again. You see, that shakes them off.'
'It would me,' agreed Bill, cordially, 'if I were a bee.'
Elizabeth had the feeling that she had played her ace of trumps
and by some miracle lost the trick. If this grisly operation did
not daunt the man, nothing, not even the transferring of honey,
would. She watched him as he raised the frame and jerked it down
with a strong swiftness which her less powerful wrists had never
been able to achieve. The bees tumbled off in a dense shower,
asking questions to the last; then, sighting the familiar entrance
to the hive, they bustled in without waiting to investigate the
cause of the earthquake.
Lord Dawlish watched them go with a kindly interest.
'It has always been a mystery to me,' he said, 'why they never
seem to think of manhandling the Johnny who does that to them.
They don't seem able to connect cause and effect. I suppose the
only way they can figure it out is that the bottom has suddenly
dropped out of everything, and they are so busy lighting out for
home that they haven't time to go to the root of things. But it's
a ticklish job, for all that, if you're not used to it. I know
when I first did it I shut my eyes and wondered whether they would
bury my remains or cremate them.'
'When you first did it?' Elizabeth was staring at him blankly.
'Have you done it before?'
Her voice shook. Bill met her gaze frankly.
'Done it before? Rather! Thousands of times. You see, I spent a
year on a bee-farm once, learning the business.'
For a moment mortification was the only emotion of which Elizabeth
was conscious. She felt supremely ridiculous. For this she had
schemed and plotted—to give a practised expert the opportunity of
doing what he had done a thousand times before!
And then her mood changed in a flash. Nature has decreed that
there are certain things in life which shall act as hoops of
steel, grappling the souls of the elect together. Golf is one of
these; a mutual love of horseflesh another; but the greatest of
all is bees. Between two beekeepers there can be no strife. Not
even a tepid hostility can mar their perfect communion.
The petty enmities which life raises to be barriers between man
and man and between man and woman vanish once it is revealed to
them that they are linked by this great bond. Envy, malice,
hatred, and all uncharitableness disappear, and they look into
each other's eyes and say 'My brother!'
The effect of Bill's words on Elizabeth was revolutionary. They
crashed through her dislike, scattering it like an explosive
shell. She had resented this golden young man's presence at the
farm. She had thought him in the way. She had objected to his
becoming aware that she did such prosaic tasks as cooking and
washing-up. But now her whole attitude toward him was changed. She
reflected that he was there. He could stay there as long as he
liked, the longer the better.
'You have really kept bees?'
'Not actually kept them, worse luck! I couldn't raise the capital.
You see, money was a bit tight—'
'I know,' said Elizabeth, sympathetically. 'Money is like that,
'The general impression seemed to be that I should be foolish to
try anything so speculative as beekeeping, so it fell through.
Some very decent old boys got me another job.'
'Secretary to a club.'
'In London, of course?'
'And all the time you wanted to be in the country keeping bees!'
Elizabeth could hardly control her voice, her pity was so great.
'I should have liked it,' said Bill, wistfully. 'London's all
right, but I love the country. My ambition would be to have a
whacking big farm, a sort of ranch, miles away from anywhere—'
He broke off. This was not the first time he had caught himself
forgetting how his circumstances had changed in the past few
weeks. It was ridiculous to be telling hard-luck stories about not
being able to buy a farm, when he had the wherewithal to buy
dozens of farms. It took a lot of getting used to, this business
of being a millionaire.
'That's my ambition too,' said Elizabeth, eagerly. This was the
very first time she had met a congenial spirit. Nutty's views on
farming and the Arcadian life generally were saddening to an
enthusiast. 'If I had the money I should get an enormous farm, and
in the summer I should borrow all the children I could find, and
take them out to it and let them wallow in it.'
'Wouldn't they do a lot of damage?'
'I shouldn't mind. I should be too rich to worry about the damage.
If they ruined the place beyond repair I'd go and buy another.'
She laughed. 'It isn't so impossible as it sounds. I came very
near being able to do it.' She paused for a moment, but went on
almost at once. After all, if you cannot confide your intimate
troubles to a fellow bee-lover, to whom can you confide them? 'An
uncle of mine—'
Bill felt himself flushing. He looked away from her. He had a
sense of almost unbearable guilt, as if he had just done some
particularly low crime and was contemplating another.
'—An uncle of mine would have left me enough money to buy all the
farms I wanted, only an awful person, an English lord. I wonder if
you have heard of him?—Lord Dawlish—got hold of uncle somehow
and induced him to make a will leaving all the money to him.'
She looked at Bill for sympathy, and was touched to see that he
was crimson with emotion. He must be a perfect dear to take other
people's misfortunes to heart like that.
'I don't know how he managed it,' she went on. 'He must have
worked and plotted and schemed, for Uncle Ira wasn't a weak sort
of man whom you could do what you liked with. He was very
obstinate. But, anyway, this Lord Dawlish succeeded in doing it
somehow, and then'—her eyes blazed at the recollection—'he had
the insolence to write to me through his lawyers offering me half.
I suppose he was hoping to satisfy his conscience. Naturally I
'Why! Why did I refuse it? Surely you don't think I was going to
accept charity from the man who had cheated me?'
'But—but perhaps he didn't mean it like that. What I mean to say
is—as charity, you know.'
'He did! But don't let's talk of it any more. It makes me angry to
think of him, and there's no use spoiling a lovely day like this
by getting angry.'
Bill sighed. He had never dreamed before that it could be so
difficult to give money away. He was profoundly glad that he had
not revealed his identity, as he had been on the very point of
doing just when she began her remarks. He understood now why that
curt refusal had come in answer to his lawyer's letter. Well,
there was nothing to do but wait and hope that time might
'What do you want me to do next?' he said. 'Why did you open the
hive? Did you want to take a look at the queen?'
Elizabeth hesitated. She blushed with pure shame. She had had but
one motive in opening the hive, and that had been to annoy him.
She scorned to take advantage of the loophole he had provided.
Beekeeping is a freemasonry. A beekeeper cannot deceive a
She faced him bravely.
'I didn't want to take a look at anything, Mr Chalmers. I opened
that hive because I wanted you to drop the frame, as my brother
did, and get stung, as he was; because I thought that would drive
you away, because I thought then that I didn't want you down here.
I'm ashamed of myself, and I don't know where I'm getting the
nerve to tell you this. I hope you will stay on—on and on and
Bill was aghast.
'Good Lord! If I'm in the way—'
'You aren't in the way.'
'But you said—'
'But don't you see that it's so different now? I didn't know then
that you were fond of bees. You must stay, if my telling you
hasn't made you feel that you want to catch the next train. You
will save our lives—mine and Nutty's too. Oh, dear, you're
hesitating! You're trying to think up some polite way of getting
out of the place! You mustn't go, Mr Chalmers; you simply must
stay. There aren't any mosquitoes, no jellyfish—nothing! At
least, there are; but what do they matter? You don't mind them. Do
you play golf?'
'There are links here. You can't go until you've tried them. What
is your handicap?'
'So is mine.'
'By Jove! Really?'
Elizabeth looked at him, her eyes dancing.
'Why, we're practically twin souls, Mr Chalmers! Tell me, I know
your game is nearly perfect, but if you have a fault, is it a
tendency to putt too hard?'
'Why, by Jove—yes, it is!'
'I knew it. Something told me. It's the curse of my life too!
Well, after that you can't go away.'
'But if I'm in the way—'
'In the way! Mr Chalmers, will you come in now and help me wash
the breakfast things?'
'Rather!' said Lord Dawlish.
In the days that followed their interrupted love-scene at
Reigelheimer's Restaurant that night of Lord Dawlish's unfortunate
encounter with the tray-bearing waiter, Dudley Pickering's
behaviour had perplexed Claire Fenwick. She had taken it for
granted that next day at the latest he would resume the offer of
his hand, heart, and automobiles. But time passed and he made no
move in that direction. Of limousine bodies, carburettors,
spark-plugs, and inner tubes he spoke with freedom and eloquence,
but the subject of love and marriage he avoided absolutely. His
behaviour was inexplicable.
Claire was piqued. She was in the position of a hostess who has
swept and garnished her house against the coming of a guest and
waits in vain for that guest's arrival. She made up her mind what
to do when Dudley Pickering proposed to her next time, and
thereby, it seemed to her, had removed all difficulties in the
way of that proposal. She little knew her Pickering!
Dudley Pickering was not a self-starter in the motordrome of love.
He needed cranking. He was that most unpromising of matrimonial
material, a shy man with a cautious disposition. If he overcame
his shyness, caution applied the foot-brake. If he succeeded in
forgetting caution, shyness shut off the gas. At Reigelheimer's
some miracle had made him not only reckless but un-self-conscious.
Possibly the Dream of Psyche had gone to his head. At any rate, he
had been on the very verge of proposing to Claire when the
interruption had occurred, and in bed that night, reviewing the
affair, he had been appalled at the narrowness of his escape from
taking a definite step. Except in the way of business, he was a
man who hated definite steps. He never accepted even a dinner
invitation without subsequent doubts and remorse. The consequence
was that, in the days that followed the Reigelheimer episode, what
Lord Wetherby would have called the lamp of love burned rather low
in Mr Pickering, as if the acetylene were running out. He still
admired Claire intensely and experienced disturbing emotions when
he beheld her perfect tonneau and wonderful headlights; but he
regarded her with a cautious fear. Although he sometimes dreamed
sentimentally of marriage in the abstract, of actual marriage, of
marriage with a flesh-and-blood individual, of marriage that
involved clergymen and 'Voices that Breathe o'er Eden,' and
giggling bridesmaids and cake, Dudley Pickering was afraid with a
terror that woke him sweating in the night. His shyness shrank
from the ceremony, his caution jibbed at the mysteries of married
life. So his attitude toward Claire, the only girl who had
succeeded in bewitching him into the opening words of an actual
proposal, was a little less cordial and affectionate than if she
had been a rival automobile manufacturer.
Matters were in this state when Lady Wetherby, who, having danced
classical dances for three months without a break, required a
rest, shifted her camp to the house which she had rented for the
summer at Brookport, Long Island, taking with her Algie, her
husband, the monkey Eustace, and Claire and Mr Pickering, her
guests. The house was a large one, capable of receiving a big
party, but she did not wish to entertain on an ambitious scale.
The only other guest she proposed to put up was Roscoe Sherriff,
her press agent, who was to come down as soon as he could get away
from his metropolitan duties.
It was a pleasant and romantic place, the estate which Lady
Wetherby had rented. Standing on a hill, the house looked down
through green trees on the gleaming waters of the bay. Smooth
lawns and shady walks it had, and rustic seats beneath spreading
cedars. Yet for all its effect on Dudley Pickering it might have
been a gasworks. He roamed the smooth lawns with Claire, and sat
with her on the rustic benches and talked guardedly of lubricating
oil. There were moments when Claire was almost impelled to forfeit
whatever chance she might have had of becoming mistress of thirty
million dollars and a flourishing business, for the satisfaction
of administering just one whole-hearted slap on his round and
And then Roscoe Sherriff came down, and Dudley Pickering, who for
days had been using all his resolution to struggle against the
siren, suddenly found that there was no siren to struggle against.
No sooner had the press agent appeared than Claire deserted him
shamelessly and absolutely. She walked with Roscoe Sherriff. Mr
Pickering experienced the discomfiting emotions of the man who
pushes violently against an abruptly-yielding door, or treads
heavily on the top stair where there is no top stair. He was
shaken, and the clamlike stolidity which he had assumed as
protection gave way.
Night had descended upon Brookport. Eustace, the monkey, was in
his little bed; Lord Wetherby in the smoking-room. It was Sunday,
the day of rest. Dinner was over, and the remainder of the party
were gathered in the drawing-room, with the exception of Mr
Pickering, who was smoking a cigar on the porch. A full moon
turned Long Island into a fairyland.
Gloom had settled upon Dudley Pickering and he smoked sadly. All
rather stout automobile manufacturers are sad when there is a full
moon. It makes them feel lonely. It stirs their hearts to thoughts
of love. Marriage loses its terrors for them, and they think
wistfully of hooking some fair woman up the back and buying her
hats. Such was the mood of Mr Pickering, when through the dimness
of the porch there appeared a white shape, moving softly toward
'Is that you, Mr Pickering?'
Claire dropped into the seat beside him. From the drawing-room
came the soft tinkle of a piano. The sound blended harmoniously
with the quiet peace of the night. Mr Pickering let his cigar go
out and clutched the sides of his chair.
Oi'll—er—sing thee saw-ongs ov Arrabee,
Und—ah ta-ales of farrr Cash-mee-eere,
Wi-ild tales to che-eat thee ovasigh
Und charrrrm thee to-oo a tear-er.
Claire gave a little sigh.
'What a beautiful voice Mr Sherriff has!'
Dudley Pickering made no reply. He thought Roscoe Sherriff had a
beastly voice. He resented Roscoe Sherriff's voice. He objected to
Roscoe Sherriff's polluting this fair night with his cacophony.
'Don't you think so, Mr Pickering?'
'That doesn't sound very enthusiastic. Mr Pickering, I want you to
tell me something. Have I done anything to offend you?'
Mr Pickering started violently.
'I have seen so little of you these last few days. A little while
ago we were always together, having such interesting talks. But
lately it has seemed to me that you have been avoiding me.'
A feeling of helplessness swept over Mr Pickering. He was vaguely
conscious of a sense of being treated unjustly, of there being a
flaw in Claire's words somewhere if he could only find it, but the
sudden attack had deprived him of the free and unfettered use of
his powers of reasoning. He gurgled wordlessly, and Claire went
on, her low, sad voice mingling with the moonlight in a manner
that caused thrills to run up and down his spine. He felt
paralyzed. Caution urged him to make some excuse and follow it
with a bolt to the drawing-room, but he was physically incapable
of taking the excellent advice. Sometimes when you are out in your
Pickering Gem or your Pickering Giant the car hesitates, falters,
and stops dead, and your chauffeur, having examined the carburettor,
turns to you and explains the phenomenon in these words: 'The
mixture is too rich.' So was it with Mr Pickering now. The moonlight
alone might not have held him; Claire's voice alone might not have
held him; but against the two combined he was powerless. The
mixture was too rich. He sat and breathed a little stertorously,
and there came to him that conviction that comes to all of us now
and then, that we are at a crisis of our careers and that the
moment through which we are living is a moment big with fate.
The voice in the drawing-room stopped. Having sung songs of Araby
and tales of far Cashmere, Mr Roscoe Sherriff was refreshing
himself with a comic paper. But Lady Wetherby, seated at the
piano, still touched the keys softly, and the sound increased the
richness of the mixture which choked Dudley Pickering's spiritual
carburettor. It is not fair that a rather stout manufacturer
should be called upon to sit in the moonlight while a beautiful
girl, to the accompaniment of soft music, reproaches him with
having avoided her.
'I should be so sorry, Mr Pickering, if I had done anything to
make a difference between us—'
'Eh?' said Mr Pickering.
'I have so few real friends over here.'
Claire's voice trembled.
'I—I get a little lonely, a little homesick sometimes—'
She paused, musing, and a spasm of pity rent the bosom beneath
Dudley Pickering's ample shirt. There was a buzzing in his ears
and a lump choked his throat.
'Of course, I am loving the life here. I think America's
wonderful, and nobody could be kinder than Lady Wetherby. But—I
miss my home. It's the first time I have been away for so long. I
feel very far away sometimes. There are only three of us at home:
my mother, myself, and my little brother—little Percy.'
Her voice trembled again as she spoke the last two words, and it
was possibly this that caused Mr Pickering to visualize Percy as a
sort of little Lord Fauntleroy, his favourite character in English
literature. He had a vision of a small, delicate, wistful child
pining away for his absent sister. Consumptive probably. Or
curvature of the spine.
He found Claire's hand in his. He supposed dully he must have
reached out for it. Soft and warm it lay there, while the universe
paused breathlessly. And then from the semi-darkness beside him
there came the sound of a stifled sob, and his fingers closed as
if someone had touched a button.
'We have always been such chums. He is only ten—such a dear boy!
He must be missing me—'
She stopped, and simultaneously Dudley Pickering began to speak.
There is this to be said for your shy, cautious man, that on the
rare occasions when he does tap the vein of eloquence that vein
becomes a geyser. It was as if after years of silence and
monosyllables Dudley Pickering was endeavouring to restore the
He began by touching on his alleged neglect and avoidance of
Claire. He called himself names and more names. He plumbed the
depth of repentance and remorse. Proceeding from this, he
eulogized her courage, the pluck with which she presented a
smiling face to the world while tortured inwardly by separation
from her little brother Percy. He then turned to his own feelings.
But there are some things which the historian should hold sacred,
some things which he should look on as proscribed material for his
pen, and the actual words of a stout manufacturer of automobiles
proposing marriage in the moonlight fall into this class. It is
enough to say that Dudley Pickering was definite. He left no room
for doubt as to his meaning.
She was in his arms. He was embracing her. She was his—the latest
model, self-starting, with limousine body and all the newest. No,
no, his mind was wandering. She was his, this divine girl, this
queen among women, this—
From the drawing-room Roscoe Sherriff's voice floated out in
I'm going to be married to-morrow.
I'm going from sunshine to sorrow.
No more sitting up till broad daylight.
Did a momentary chill cool the intensity of Dudley Pickering's
ardour? If so he overcame it instantly. He despised Roscoe
Sherriff. He flattered himself that he had shown Roscoe Sherriff
pretty well who was who and what was what.
They would have a wonderful wedding—dozens of clergymen, scores
of organs playing 'The Voice that Breathed o'er Eden,' platoons of
bridesmaids, wagonloads of cake. And then they would go back to
Detroit and live happy ever after. And it might be that in time to
come there would be given to them little runabouts.
I'm going to a life
Of misery and strife,
So good-bye, boys!
Hang Roscoe Sherriff! What did he know about it! Confound him!
Dudley Pickering turned a deaf ear to the song and wallowed in his
Claire walked slowly down the moonlit drive. She had removed
herself from her Dudley's embraces, for she wished to be alone, to
think. The engagement had been announced. All that part of it was
over—Dudley's stammering speech, the unrestrained delight of
Polly Wetherby, the facetious rendering of 'The Wedding Glide' on
the piano by Roscoe Sherriff, and it now remained for her to try
to discover a way of conveying the news to Bill.
It had just struck her that, though she knew that Bill was in
America, she had not his address.
What was she to do? She must tell him. Otherwise it might quite
easily happen that they might meet in New York when she returned
there. She pictured the scene. She saw herself walking with Dudley
Pickering. Along came Bill. 'Claire, darling!' … Heavens, what
would Dudley think? It would be too awful! She couldn't explain.
No, somehow or other, even if she put detectives on his trail, she
must find him, and be off with the old love now that she was on
with the new.
She reached the gate and leaned over it. And as she did so someone
in the shadow of a tall tree spoke her name. A man came into the
light, and she saw that it was Lord Dawlish.
Lord Dawlish had gone for a moonlight walk that night because,
like Claire, he wished to be alone to think. He had fallen with a
pleasant ease and smoothness into the rather curious life lived at
Elizabeth Boyd's bee-farm. A liking for picnics had lingered in
him from boyhood, and existence at Flack's was one prolonged
picnic. He found that he had a natural aptitude for the more
muscular domestic duties, and his energy in this direction
enchanted Nutty, who before his advent had had a monopoly of these
Nor was this the only aspect of the situation that pleased Nutty.
When he had invited Bill to the farm he had had a vague hope that
good might come of it, but he had never dreamed that things would
turn out as well as they promised to do, or that such a warm and
immediate friendship would spring up between his sister and the
man who had diverted the family fortune into his own pocket. Bill
and Elizabeth were getting on splendidly. They were together all
the time—walking, golfing, attending to the numerous needs of the
bees, or sitting on the porch. Nutty's imagination began to run
away with him. He seemed to smell the scent of orange-blossoms, to
hear the joyous pealing of church bells—in fact, with the
difference that it was not his own wedding that he was anticipating,
he had begun to take very much the same view of the future that was
about to come to Dudley Pickering.
Elizabeth would have been startled and embarrassed if she could
have read his thoughts, for they might have suggested to her that
she was becoming a great deal fonder of Bill than the shortness of
their acquaintance warranted. But though she did not fail to
observe the strangeness of her brother's manner, she traced it to
another source than the real one. Nutty had a habit of starting
back and removing himself when, entering the porch, he perceived
that Bill and his sister were already seated there. His own
impression on such occasions was that he was behaving with
consummate tact. Elizabeth supposed that he had had some sort of a
Lord Dawlish, if he had been able to diagnose correctly the almost
paternal attitude which had become his host's normal manner these
days, would have been equally embarrassed but less startled, for
conscience had already suggested to him from time to time that he
had been guilty of a feeling toward Elizabeth warmer than any
feeling that should come to an engaged man. Lying in bed at the
end of his first week at the farm, he reviewed the progress of his
friendship with her, and was amazed at the rapidity with which it
He could not conceal it from himself—Elizabeth appealed to him.
Being built on a large scale himself, he had always been attracted
by small women. There was a smallness, a daintiness, a liveliness
about Elizabeth that was almost irresistible. She was so capable,
so cheerful in spite of the fact that she was having a hard time.
And then their minds seemed to blend so remarkably. There were no
odd corners to be smoothed away. Never in his life had he felt so
supremely at his ease with one of the opposite sex. He loved
Claire—he drove that fact home almost angrily to himself—but he
was forced to admit that he had always been aware of something in
the nature of a barrier between them. Claire was querulous at
times, and always a little too apt to take offence. He had never
been able to talk to her with that easy freedom that Elizabeth
invited. Talking to Elizabeth was like talking to an attractive
version of oneself. It was a thing to be done with perfect
confidence, without any of that apprehension which Claire inspired
lest the next remark might prove the spark to cause an explosion.
But Claire was the girl he loved—there must be no mistake about
He came to the conclusion that the key to the situation was the
fact that Elizabeth was American. He had read so much of the
American girl, her unaffectedness, her genius for easy comradeship.
Well, this must be what the writer fellows meant. He had happened
upon one of those delightful friendships without any suspicion of
sex in them of which the American girl had the monopoly. Yes, that
must be it. It was a comforting explanation. It accounted for his
feeling at a loose end whenever he was away from Elizabeth for as
much as half an hour. It accounted for the fact that they understood
each other so well. It accounted for everything so satisfactorily
that he was able to get to sleep that night after all.
But next morning—for his conscience was one of those persistent
consciences—he began to have doubts again. Nothing clings like a
suspicion in the mind of a conscientious young man that he has
been allowing his heart to stray from its proper anchorage.
Could it be that he was behaving badly toward Claire? The thought
was unpleasant, but he could not get rid of it. He extracted
Claire's photograph from his suit-case and gazed solemnly upon it.
At first he was shocked to find that it only succeeded in
convincing him that Elizabeth was quite the most attractive girl
he ever had met. The photographer had given Claire rather a severe
look. He had told her to moisten the lips with the tip of the
tongue and assume a pleasant smile, with the result that she
seemed to glare. She had a rather markedly aggressive look,
queenly perhaps, but not very comfortable.
But there is no species of self-hypnotism equal to that of a man
who gazes persistently at a photograph with the preconceived idea
that he is in love with the original of it. Little by little Bill
found that the old feeling began to return. He persevered. By the
end of a quarter of an hour he had almost succeeded in capturing
anew that first fine careless rapture which, six months ago, had
caused him to propose to Claire and walk on air when she accepted
He continued the treatment throughout the day, and by dinner-time
had arranged everything with his conscience in the most satisfactory
manner possible. He loved Claire with a passionate fervour; he
liked Elizabeth very much indeed. He submitted this diagnosis to
conscience, and conscience graciously approved and accepted it.
It was Sunday that day. That helped. There is nothing like Sunday
in a foreign country for helping a man to sentimental thoughts of
the girl he has left behind him elsewhere. And the fact that there
was a full moon clinched it. Bill was enabled to go for an
after-dinner stroll in a condition of almost painful loyalty to Claire.
From time to time, as he walked along the road, he took out the
photograph and did some more gazing. The last occasion on which he
did this was just as he emerged from the shadow of a large tree
that stood by the roadside, and a gush of rich emotion rewarded
'Claire!' he murmured.
An exclamation at his elbow caused him to look up. There, leaning
over a gate, the light of the moon falling on her beautiful face,
stood Claire herself!
In trying interviews, as in sprint races, the start is everything.
It was the fact that she recovered more quickly from her
astonishment that enabled Claire to dominate her scene with Bill.
She had the advantage of having a less complicated astonishment to
recover from, for, though it was a shock to see him there when she
had imagined that he was in New York, it was not nearly such a
shock as it was to him to see her here when he had imagined that
she was in England. She had adjusted her brain to the situation
while he was still gaping.
This speech in itself should have been enough to warn Lord Dawlish
of impending doom. As far as love, affection, and tenderness are
concerned, a girl might just as well hit a man with an axe as say
'Well, Bill?' to him when they have met unexpectedly in the
moonlight after long separation. But Lord Dawlish was too shattered
by surprise to be capable of observing nuances. If his love had
ever waned or faltered, as conscience had suggested earlier in the
day, it was at full blast now.
'Claire!' he cried.
He was moving to take her in his arms, but she drew back.
'No, really, Bill!' she said; and this time it did filter through
into his disordered mind that all was not well. A man who is a
good deal dazed at the moment may fail to appreciate a remark like
'Well, Bill?' but for a girl to draw back and say, 'No, really,
Bill!' in a tone not exactly of loathing, but certainly of pained
aversion, is a deliberately unfriendly act. The three short words,
taken in conjunction with the movement, brought him up with as
sharp a turn as if she had punched him in the eye.
'Claire! What's the matter?'
She looked at him steadily. She looked at him with a sort of
queenly woodenness, as if he were behind a camera with a velvet
bag over his head and had just told her to moisten the lips with
the tip of the tongue. Her aspect staggered Lord Dawlish. A
cursory inspection of his conscience showed nothing but purity and
whiteness, but he must have done something, or she would not be
staring at him like this.
'I don't understand!' was the only remark that occurred to him.
'Are you sure?'
'What do you mean?'
'I was at Reigelheimer's Restaurant—Ah!'
The sudden start which Lord Dawlish had given at the opening words
of her sentence justified the concluding word. Innocent as his
behaviour had been that night at Reigelheimer's, he had been glad
at the time that he had not been observed. It now appeared that he
had been observed, and it seemed to him that Long Island suddenly
flung itself into a whirling dance. He heard Claire speaking a
long way off: 'I was there with Lady Wetherby. It was she who
invited me to come to America. I went to the restaurant to see her
dance—and I saw you!'
With a supreme effort Bill succeeded in calming down the excited
landscape. He willed the trees to stop dancing, and they came
reluctantly to a standstill. The world ceased to swim and flicker.
'Let me explain,' he said.
The moment he had said the words he wished he could recall them.
Their substance was right enough; it was the sound of them that
was wrong. They sounded like a line from a farce, where the erring
husband has been caught by the masterful wife. They were
ridiculous. Worse than being merely ridiculous, they created an
atmosphere of guilt and evasion.
'Explain! How can you explain? It is impossible to explain. I saw
you with my own eyes making an exhibition of yourself with a
horrible creature in salmon-pink. I'm not asking you who she is.
I'm not questioning you about your relations with her at all. I
don't care who she was. The mere fact that you were at a public
restaurant with a person of that kind is enough. No doubt you
think I am making a great deal of fuss about a very ordinary
thing. You consider that it is a man's privilege to do these
things, if he can do them without being found out. But it ended
everything so far as I am concerned. Am I unreasonable? I don't
think so. You steal off to America, thinking I am in England, and
behave like this. How could you do that if you really loved me?
It's the deceit of it that hurts me.'
Lord Dawlish drew in a few breaths of pure Long Island air, but he
did not speak. He felt helpless. If he were to be allowed to
withdraw into the privacy of the study and wrap a cold, wet towel
about his forehead and buckle down to it, he knew that he could
draft an excellent and satisfactory explanation of his presence at
Reigelheimer's with the Good Sport. But to do it on the spur of
the moment like this was beyond him.
Claire was speaking again. She had paused for a while after her
recent speech, in order to think of something else to say; and
during this pause had come to her mind certain excerpts from one
of those admirable articles on love, by Luella Delia Philpotts,
which do so much to boost the reading public of the United States
into the higher planes. She had read it that afternoon in the
Sunday paper, and it came back to her now.
'I may be hypersensitive,' she said, dropping her voice from the
accusatory register to the lower tones of pathos, 'but I have such
high ideals of love. There can be no true love where there is not
perfect trust. Trust is to love what—'
She paused again. She could not remember just what Luella Delia
Philpotts had said trust was to love. It was something extremely
neat, but it had slipped her memory.
'A woman has the right to expect the man she is about to marry to
regard their troth as a sacred obligation that shall keep him as
pure as a young knight who has dedicated himself to the quest of
the Holy Grail. And I find you in a public restaurant, dancing
with a creature with yellow hair, upsetting waiters, and
staggering about with pats of butter all over you.'
Here a sense of injustice stung Lord Dawlish. It was true that
after his regrettable collision with Heinrich, the waiter, he had
discovered butter upon his person, but it was only one pat. Claire
had spoken as if he had been festooned with butter.
'I am not angry with you, only disappointed. What has happened has
shown me that you do not really love me, not as I think of love.
Oh, I know that when we are together you think you do, but absence
is the test. Absence is the acid-test of love that separates the
base metal from the true. After what has happened, we can't go on
with our engagement. It would be farcical. I could never feel that
way toward you again. We shall always be friends, I hope. But as
for love—love is not a machine. It cannot be shattered and put
She turned and began to walk up the drive. Hanging over the top of
the gate like a wet sock, Lord Dawlish watched her go. The
interview was over, and he could not think of one single thing to
say. Her white dress made a patch of light in the shadows. She
moved slowly, as if weighed down by sad thoughts, like one who, as
Luella Delia Philpotts beautifully puts it, paces with measured
step behind the coffin of a murdered heart. The bend of the drive
hid her from his sight.
About twenty minutes later Dudley Pickering, smoking sentimentally
in the darkness hard by the porch, received a shock. He was musing
tenderly on his Claire, who was assisting him in the process by
singing in the drawing-room, when he was aware of a figure, the
sinister figure of a man who, pressed against the netting of the
porch, stared into the lighted room beyond.
Dudley Pickering's first impulse was to stride briskly up to the
intruder, tap him on the shoulder, and ask him what the devil he
wanted; but a second look showed him that the other was built on
too ample a scale to make this advisable. He was a large,
Mr Pickering was alarmed. There had been the usual epidemic of
burglaries that season. Houses had been broken into, valuable
possessions removed. In one case a negro butler had been struck
over the head with a gas-pipe and given a headache. In these
circumstances, it was unpleasant to find burly strangers looking
in at windows.
'Hi!' cried Mr Pickering.
The intruder leaped a foot. It had not occurred to Lord Dawlish,
when in an access of wistful yearning he had decided to sneak up
to the house in order to increase his anguish by one last glimpse
of Claire, that other members of the household might be out in the
grounds. He was just thinking sorrowfully, as he listened to the
music, how like his own position was to that of the hero of
Tennyson's Maud—a poem to which he was greatly addicted,
when Mr Pickering's 'Hi!' came out of nowhere and hit him like a
He turned in agitation. Mr Pickering having prudently elected to
stay in the shadows, there was no one to be seen. It was as if the
voice of conscience had shouted 'Hi!' at him. He was just
wondering if he had imagined the whole thing, when he perceived
the red glow of a cigar and beyond it a shadowy form.
It was not the fact that he was in an equivocal position, staring
into a house which did not belong to him, with his feet on
somebody else's private soil, that caused Bill to act as he did.
It was the fact that at that moment he was not feeling equal to
conversation with anybody on any subject whatsoever. It did not
occur to him that his behaviour might strike a nervous stranger as
suspicious. All he aimed at was the swift removal of himself from
a spot infested by others of his species. He ran, and Mr
Pickering, having followed him with the eye of fear, went rather
shakily into the house, his brain whirling with professional
cracksmen and gas pipes and assaulted butlers, to relate his
'A great, hulking, ruffianly sort of fellow glaring in at the
window,' said Mr Pickering. 'I shouted at him and he ran like a
'Gee! Must have been one of the gang that's been working down
here,' said Roscoe Sherriff. 'There might be a quarter of a column
in that, properly worked, but I guess I'd better wait until he
actually does bust the place.'
'We must notify the police!'
'Notify the police, and have them butt in and stop the thing and
kill a good story!' There was honest amazement in the Press-agent's
voice. 'Let me tell you, it isn't so easy to get publicity
these days that you want to go out of your way to stop it!'
Mr Pickering was appalled. A dislike of this man, which had grown
less vivid since his scene with Claire, returned to him with
'Why, we may all be murdered in our beds!' he cried.
'Front-page stuff!' said Roscoe Sherriff, with gleaming eyes. 'And
three columns at least. Fine!'
It might have consoled Lord Dawlish somewhat, as he lay awake
that night, to have known that the man who had taken Claire from
him—though at present he was not aware of such a man's
existence—also slept ill.
Lady Wetherby sat in her room, writing letters. The rest of the
household were variously employed. Roscoe Sherriff was prowling
about the house, brooding on campaigns of publicity. Dudley
Pickering was walking in the grounds with Claire. In a little
shack in the woods that adjoined the high-road, which he had
converted into a temporary studio, Lord Wetherby was working on a
picture which he proposed to call 'Innocence', a study of a small
Italian child he had discovered in Washington Square. Lady
Wetherby, who had been taken to see the picture, had suggested
'The Black Hand's Newest Recruit' as a better title than the one
selected by the artist.
It is a fact to be noted that of the entire household only Lady
Wetherby could fairly be described as happy. It took very little to
make Lady Wetherby happy. Fine weather, good food, and a complete
abstention from classical dancing—give her these and she asked no
more. She was, moreover, delighted at Claire's engagement. It
seemed to her, for she had no knowledge of the existence of Lord
Dawlish, a genuine manifestation of Love's Young Dream. She liked
Dudley Pickering and she was devoted to Claire. It made her happy
to think that it was she who had brought them together.
But of the other members of the party, Dudley Pickering was
unhappy because he feared that burglars were about to raid the
house; Roscoe Sherriff because he feared they were not; Claire
because, now that the news of the engagement was out, it seemed to
be everybody's aim to leave her alone with Mr Pickering, whose
undiluted society tended to pall. And Lord Wetherby was unhappy
because he found Eustace, the monkey, a perpetual strain upon his
artistic nerves. It was Eustace who had driven him to his shack in
the woods. He could have painted far more comfortably in the
house, but Eustace had developed a habit of stealing up to him and
plucking the leg of his trousers; and an artist simply cannot give
of his best with that sort of thing going on.
Lady Wetherby wrote on. She was not fond of letter-writing and she
had allowed her correspondence to accumulate; but she was
disposing of it in an energetic and conscientious way, when the
entrance of Wrench, the butler, interrupted her.
Wrench had been imported from England at the request of Lord
Wetherby, who had said that it soothed him and kept him from
feeling home-sick to see a butler about the place. Since then he
had been hanging to the establishment as it were by a hair. He
gave the impression of being always on the point of giving notice.
There were so many things connected with his position of which he
disapproved. He had made no official pronouncement of the matter,
but Lady Wetherby knew that he disapproved of her classical
dancing. His last position had been with the Dowager Duchess of
Waveney, the well-known political hostess, who—even had the
somewhat generous lines on which she was built not prevented the
possibility of such a thing—would have perished rather than dance
barefooted in a public restaurant. Wrench also disapproved of
America. That fact had been made plain immediately upon his
arrival in the country. He had given America one look, and then
his mind was made up—he disapproved of it.
'If you please, m'lady!'
Lady Wetherby turned. The butler was looking even more than
usually disapproving, and his disapproval had, so to speak,
crystallized, as if it had found some more concrete and definite
objective than either barefoot dancing or the United States.
'If you please, m'lady—the hape!'
It was Wrench's custom to speak of Eustace in a tone of restrained
disgust. He disapproved of Eustace. The Dowager Duchess of
Waveney, though she kept open house for members of Parliament,
would have drawn the line at monkeys.
'The hape is behaving very strange, m'lady,' said Wrench,
It has been well said that in this world there is always
something. A moment before, Lady Wetherby had been feeling
completely contented, without a care on her horizon. It was
foolish of her to have expected such a state of things to last,
for what is life but a series of sharp corners, round each of
which Fate lies in wait for us with a stuffed eel-skin? Something
in the butler's manner, a sort of gloating gloom which he
radiated, told her that she had arrived at one of these corners
'The hape is seated on the kitchen-sink, m'lady, throwing new-laid
eggs at the scullery-maid, and cook desired me to step up and ask
'What!' Lady Wetherby rose in agitation. 'What's he doing that
for?' she asked, weakly.
A slight, dignified gesture was Wrench's only reply. It was not
his place to analyse the motives of monkeys.
The sight of Lady Wetherby's distress melted the butler's stern
reserve. He unbent so far as to supply a clue.
'As I understand from cook, m'lady, the animal appears to have
taken umbrage at a lack of cordiality on the part of the cat. It
seems that the hape attempted to fondle the cat, but the latter
scratched him; being suspicious,' said Wrench, 'of his bona
fides.' He scrutinized the ceiling with a dull eye. 'Whereupon,'
he continued, 'he seized her tail and threw her with considerable
force. He then removed himself to the sink and began to hurl eggs
at the scullery-maid.'
Lady Wetherby's mental eye attempted to produce a picture of the
scene, but failed.
'I suppose I had better go down and see about it,' she said.
Wrench withdrew his gaze from the ceiling.
'I think it would be advisable, m'lady. The scullery-maid is
already in hysterics.'
Lady Wetherby led the way to the kitchen. She was wroth with
Eustace. This was just the sort of thing out of which Algie would
be able to make unlimited capital. It weakened her position with
Algie. There was only one thing to do—she must hush it up.
Her first glance, however, at the actual theatre of war gave her
the impression that matters had advanced beyond the hushing-up
stage. A yellow desolation brooded over the kitchen. It was not so
much a kitchen as an omelette. There were eggs everywhere, from
floor to ceiling. She crunched her way in on a carpet of oozing
Her entry was a signal for a renewal on a more impressive scale of
the uproar that she had heard while opening the door. The air was
full of voices. The cook was expressing herself in Norwegian, the
parlour-maid in what appeared to be Erse. On a chair in a corner
the scullery-maid sobbed and whooped. The odd-job man, who was a
baseball enthusiast, was speaking in terms of high praise of
Eustace's combined speed and control.
The only calm occupant of the room was Eustace himself, who,
either through a shortage of ammunition or through weariness of
the pitching-arm, had suspended active hostilities, and was now
looking down on the scene from a high shelf. There was a brooding
expression in his deep-set eyes. He massaged his right ear with
the sole of his left foot in a somewhat distrait manner.
'Eustace!' cried Lady Wetherby, severely.
Eustace lowered his foot and gazed at her meditatively, then at
the odd-job man, then at the scullery-maid, whose voice rose high
above the din.
'I rather fancy, m'lady,' said Wrench, dispassionately, 'that the
animal is about to hurl a plate.'
It had escaped the notice of those present that the shelf on which
the rioter had taken refuge was within comfortable reach of the
dresser, but Eustace himself had not overlooked this important
strategic point. As the butler spoke, Eustace picked up a plate
and threw it at the scullery-maid, whom he seemed definitely to
have picked out as the most hostile of the allies. It was a fast
inshoot, and hit the wall just above her head.
''At-a-boy!' said the odd-job man, reverently.
Lady Wetherby turned on him with some violence. His detached
attitude was the most irritating of the many irritating aspects of
the situation. She paid this man a weekly wage to do odd jobs. The
capture of Eustace was essentially an odd job. Yet, instead of
doing it, he hung about with the air of one who has paid his
half-dollar and bought his bag of peanuts and has now nothing to
do but look on and enjoy himself.
'Why don't you catch him?' she cried.
The odd-job man came out of his trance. A sudden realization came
upon him that life was real and life was earnest, and that if he
did not wish to jeopardize a good situation he must bestir
himself. Everybody was looking at him expectantly. It seemed to be
definitely up to him. It was imperative that, whatever he did, he
should do it quickly. There was an apron hanging over the back of
a chair. More with the idea of doing something than because he
thought he would achieve anything definite thereby, he picked up
the apron and flung it at Eustace. Luck was with him. The apron
enveloped Eustace just as he was winding up for another inshoot
and was off his balance. He tripped and fell, clutched at the
apron to save himself, and came to the ground swathed in it,
giving the effect of an apron mysteriously endowed with life. The
triumphant odd-job man, pressing his advantage like a good
general, gathered up the ends, converted it into a rude bag, and
one more was added to the long list of the victories of the human
over the brute intelligence.
Everybody had a suggestion now. The cook advocated drowning. The
parlour-maid favoured the idea of hitting the prisoner with a
broom-handle. Wrench, eyeing the struggling apron disapprovingly,
mentioned that Mr Pickering had bought a revolver that morning.
'Put him in the coal-cellar,' said Lady Wetherby.
Wrench was more far-seeing.
'If I might offer the warning, m'lady,' said Wrench, 'not the
cellar. It is full of coal. It would be placing temptation in the
The odd-job man endorsed this.
'Put him in the garage, then,' said Lady Wetherby.
The odd-job man departed, bearing his heaving bag at arm's length.
The cook and the parlour-maid addressed themselves to comforting
and healing the scullery-maid. Wrench went off to polish silver,
Lady Wetherby to resume her letters. The cat was the last of the
party to return to the normal. She came down from the chimney an
hour later covered with soot, demanding restoratives.
Lady Wetherby finished her letters. She cut them short, for
Eustace's insurgence had interfered with her flow of ideas. She
went into the drawing-room, where she found Roscoe Sherriff
strumming on the piano.
'Eustace has been raising Cain,' she said.
The Press-agent looked up hopefully. He had been wearing a rather
'How's that?' he asked.
'Throwing eggs and plates in the kitchen.'
The gleam of interest which had come into Roscoe Sherriff's face
'You couldn't get more than a fill-in at the bottom of a column on
that,' he said, regretfully. 'I'm a little disappointed in that
monk. I hoped he would pan out bigger. Well, I guess we've just
got to give him time. I have an idea that he'll set the house on
fire or do something with a punch like that one of these days. You
mustn't get discouraged. Why, that puma I made Valerie Devenish
keep looked like a perfect failure for four whole months. A child
could have played with it. Miss Devenish called me up on the
phone, I remember, and said she was darned if she was going to
spend the rest of her life maintaining an animal that might as
well be stuffed for all the liveliness it showed, and that she was
going right out to buy a white mouse instead. Fortunately, I
talked her round.
'A few weeks later she came round and thanked me with tears in her
eyes. The puma had suddenly struck real mid-season form. It clawed
the elevator-boy, bit a postman, held up the traffic for miles,
and was finally shot by a policeman. Why, for the next few days
there was nothing in the papers at all but Miss Devenish and her
puma. There was a war on at the time in Mexico or somewhere, and
we had it backed off the front page so far that it was over before
it could get back. So, you see, there's always hope. I've been
nursing the papers with bits about Eustace, so as to be ready for
the grand-stand play when it comes—and all we can do is to wait.
It's something if he's been throwing eggs. It shows he's waking
The door opened and Lord Wetherby entered. He looked fatigued. He
sank into a chair and sighed.
'I cannot get it,' he said. 'It eludes me.'
He lapsed into a sombre silence.
'What can't you get?' said Lady Wetherby, cautiously.
'The expression—the expression I want to get into the child's
eyes in my picture, "Innocence".'
'But you have got it.'
Lord Wetherby shook his head.
'Well, you had when I saw the picture,' persisted Lady Wetherby.
'This child you're painting has just joined the Black Hand. He
has been rushed in young over the heads of the waiting list
because his father had a pull. Naturally the kid wants to do
something to justify his election, and he wants to do it quick.
You have caught him at the moment when he sees an old gentleman
coming down the street and realizes that he has only got to sneak
up and stick his little knife—'
'My dear Polly, I welcome criticism, but this is more—'
Lady Wetherby stroked his coat-sleeve fondly.
'Never mind, Algie, I was only joking, precious. I thought the
picture was coming along fine when you showed it to me. I'll come
and take another look at it.'
Lord Wetherby shook his head.
'I should have a model. An artist cannot mirror Nature properly
without a model. I wish you would invite that child down here.'
'No, Algie, there are limits. I wouldn't have him within a mile
of the place.'
'Yet you keep Eustace.'
'Well, you made me engage Wrench. It's fifty-fifty. I wish you
wouldn't keep picking on Eustace, Algie dear. He does no harm. Mr
Sherriff and I were just saying how peaceable he is. He wouldn't
Claire came in.
'Polly,' she said, 'did you put that monkey of yours in the
garage? He's just bitten Dudley in the leg.'
Lord Wetherby uttered an exclamation.
'We went in just now to have a look at the car,' continued
Claire. 'Dudley wanted to show me the commutator on the exhaust-box
or the windscreen, or something, and he was just bending over
when Eustace jumped out from nowhere and pinned him. I'm afraid he
has taken it to heart rather.'
Roscoe Sherriff pondered.
'Is this worth half a column?' He shook his head. 'No, I'm afraid
not. The public doesn't know Pickering. If it had been Charlie
Chaplin or William J. Bryan, or someone on those lines, we could
have had the papers bringing out extras. You can visualize William
J. Bryan being bitten in the leg by a monkey. It hits you. But
Pickering! Eustace might just as well have bitten the leg of the
Lord Wetherby reasserted himself.
'Now that the animal has become a public menace—'
'He's nothing of the kind,' said Lady Wetherby. 'He's only a
little upset to-day.'
'Do you mean, Pauline, that even after this you will not get rid
'Certainly not—poor dear!'
'Very well,' said Lord Wetherby, calmly. 'I give you warning that
if he attacks me I shall defend myself.'
He brooded. Lady Wetherby turned to Claire.
'What happened then? Did you shut the door of the garage?'
'Yes, but not until Eustace had got away. He slipped out like a
streak and disappeared. It was too dark to see which way he went.'
Dudley Pickering limped heavily into the room.
'I was just telling them about you and Eustace, Dudley.'
Mr Pickering nodded moodily. He was too full for words.
'I think Eustace must be mad,' said Claire.
Roscoe Sherriff uttered a cry of rapture.
'You've said it!' he exclaimed. 'I knew we should get action
sooner or later. It's the puma over again. Now we are all right.
Now I have something to work on. "Monkey Menaces Countryside."
"Long Island Summer Colony in Panic." "Mad Monkey Bites One—"'
A convulsive shudder galvanized Mr Pickering's portly frame.
'"Mad Monkey Terrorizes Long Island. One Dead!"' murmured Roscoe
Sherriff, wistfully. 'Do you feel a sort of shooting, Pickering—a
kind of burning sensation under the skin? Lady Wetherby, I guess
I'll be getting some of the papers on the phone. We've got a big
He hurried to the telephone, but it was some little time before he
could use it. Dudley Pickering was in possession, talking
earnestly to the local doctor.
It was Nutty Boyd's habit to retire immediately after dinner to
his bedroom. What he did there Elizabeth did not know. Sometimes
she pictured him reading, sometimes thinking. Neither supposition
was correct. Nutty never read. Newspapers bored him and books made
his head ache. And as for thinking, he had the wrong shape of
forehead. The nearest he ever got to meditation was a sort of
trance-like state, a kind of suspended animation in which his mind
drifted sluggishly like a log in a backwater. Nutty, it is
regrettable to say, went to his room after dinner for the purpose
of imbibing two or three surreptitious whiskies-and-sodas.
He behaved in this way, he told himself, purely in order to spare
Elizabeth anxiety. There had been in the past a fool of a doctor
who had prescribed total abstinence for Nutty, and Elizabeth knew
this. Therefore, Nutty held, to take the mildest of drinks with
her knowledge would have been to fill her with fears for his
safety. So he went to considerable inconvenience to keep the
matter from her notice, and thought rather highly of himself for
It certainly was inconvenient—there was no doubt of that. It made
him feel like a cross between a hunted fawn and a burglar. But he
had to some extent diminished the possibility of surprise by
leaving his door open; and to-night he approached the cupboard
where he kept the materials for refreshment with a certain
confidence. He had left Elizabeth on the porch in a hammock,
apparently anchored for some time. Lord Dawlish was out in the
grounds somewhere. Presently he would come in and join Elizabeth
on the porch. The risk of interruption was negligible.
Nutty mixed himself a drink and settled down to brood bitterly, as
he often did, on the doctor who had made that disastrous
statement. Doctors were always saying things like that—sweeping
things which nervous people took too literally. It was true that
he had been in pretty bad shape at the moment when the words had
been spoken. It was just at the end of his Broadway career, when,
as he handsomely admitted, there was a certain amount of truth in
the opinion that his interior needed a vacation. But since then he
had been living in the country, breathing good air, taking things
easy. In these altered conditions and after this lapse of time it
was absurd to imagine that a moderate amount of alcohol could do
him any harm.
It hadn't done him any harm, that was the point. He had tested the
doctor's statement and found it incorrect. He had spent three
hectic days and nights in New York, and—after a reasonable
interval—had felt much the same as usual. And since then he had
imbibed each night, and nothing had happened. What it came to was
that the doctor was a chump and a blighter. Simply that and
Having come to this decision, Nutty mixed another drink. He went
to the head of the stairs and listened. He heard nothing. He
returned to his room.
Yes, that was it, the doctor was a chump. So far from doing him
any harm, these nightly potations brightened Nutty up, gave him
heart, and enabled him to endure life in this hole of a place. He
felt a certain scornful amusement. Doctors, he supposed, had to
get off that sort of talk to earn their money.
He reached out for the bottle, and as he grasped it his eye was
caught by something on the floor. A brown monkey with a long, grey
tail was sitting there staring at him.
There was one of those painful pauses. Nutty looked at the monkey
rather like an elongated Macbeth inspecting the ghost of Banquo.
The monkey looked at Nutty. The pause continued. Nutty shut his
eyes, counted ten slowly, and opened them.
The monkey was still there.
'Boo!' said Nutty, in an apprehensive undertone.
The monkey looked at him.
Nutty shut his eyes again. He would count sixty this time. A cold
fear had laid its clammy fingers on his heart. This was what that
doctor—not such a chump after all—must have meant!
Nutty began to count. There seemed to be a heavy lump inside him,
and his mouth was dry; but otherwise he felt all right. That was
the gruesome part of it—this dreadful thing had come upon him at
a moment when he could have sworn that he was sound as a bell. If
this had happened in the days when he ranged the Great White Way,
sucking up deleterious moisture like a cloud, it would have been
intelligible. But it had sneaked upon him like a thief in the
night; it had stolen unheralded into his life when he had
practically reformed. What was the good of practically reforming
if this sort of thing was going to happen to one?
'… Fifty-nine … sixty.'
He opened his eyes. The monkey was still there, in precisely the
same attitude, as if it was sitting for its portrait. Panic surged
upon Nutty. He lost his head completely. He uttered a wild yell
and threw the bottle at the apparition.
Life had not been treating Eustace well that evening. He seemed to
have happened upon one of those days when everything goes wrong.
The cat had scratched him, the odd-job man had swathed him in an
apron, and now this stranger, in whom he had found at first a
pleasant restfulness, soothing after the recent scenes of violence
in which he had participated, did this to him. He dodged the
missile and clambered on to the top of the wardrobe. It was his
instinct in times of stress to seek the high spots. And then
Elizabeth hurried into the room.
Elizabeth had been lying in the hammock on the porch when her
brother's yell had broken forth. It was a lovely, calm, moonlight
night, and she had been revelling in the peace of it, when
suddenly this outcry from above had shot her out of her hammock
like an explosion. She ran upstairs, fearing she knew not what.
She found Nutty sitting on the bed, looking like an overwrought
'Whatever is the—?' she began; and then things began to impress
themselves on her senses.
The bottle which Nutty had thrown at Eustace had missed the
latter, but it had hit the wall, and was now lying in many pieces
on the floor, and the air was heavy with the scent of it. The
remains seemed to leer at her with a kind of furtive swagger,
after the manner of broken bottles. A quick thrill of anger ran
through Elizabeth. She had always felt more like a mother to Nutty
than a sister, and now she would have liked to exercise the
maternal privilege of slapping him.
'I saw a monkey!' said her brother, hollowly. 'I was standing over
there and I saw a monkey! Of course, it wasn't there really. I
flung the bottle at it, and it seemed to climb on to that
Elizabeth struck it a resounding blow with the palm of her hand,
and Eustace's face popped over the edge, peering down anxiously.
'I can see it now,' said Nutty. A sudden, faint hope came to him.
'Can you see it?' he asked.
Elizabeth did not speak for a moment. This was an unusual
situation, and she was wondering how to treat it. She was sorry
for Nutty, but Providence had sent this thing and it would be
foolish to reject it. She must look on herself in the light of a
doctor. It would be kinder to Nutty in the end. She had the
feminine aversion from the lie deliberate. Her ethics on the
suggestio falsi were weak. She looked at Nutty questioningly.
'See it?' she said.
'Don't you see a monkey on the top of the wardrobe?' said Nutty,
becoming more definite.
'There's a sort of bit of wood sticking out—'
'No, not that. You didn't see it. I don't think you would.'
He spoke so dejectedly that for a moment Elizabeth weakened, but
only for an instant.
'Tell me all about this, Nutty,' she said.
Nutty was beyond the desire for evasion and concealment. His one
wish was to tell. He told all.
'But, Nutty, how silly of you!'
'After what the doctor said.'
'You remember his telling you—'
'I know. Never again!'
'What do you mean?'
'I quit. I'm going to give it up.'
Elizabeth embraced him maternally.
'That's a good child!' she said. 'You really promise?'
'I don't have to promise, I'm just going to do it.'
Elizabeth compromised with her conscience by becoming soothing.
'You know, this isn't so very serious, Nutty, darling. I mean,
it's just a warning.'
'It's warned me all right.'
'You will be perfectly all right if—'
Nutty interrupted her.
'You're sure you can't see anything?'
Nutty's voice became almost apologetic.
'I know it's just imagination, but the monkey seems to me to be
climbing down from the wardrobe.'
'I can't see anything climbing down the wardrobe,' said Elizabeth,
as Eustace touched the floor.
'It's come down now. It's crossing the carpet.'
'It's gone now. It went out of the door.'
'I say, Elizabeth, what do you think I ought to do?'
'I should go to bed and have a nice long sleep, and you'll feel—'
'Somehow I don't feel much like going to bed. This sort of thing
upsets a chap, you know.'
'I think I'll go for a long walk.'
'That's a splendid idea.'
'I think I'd better do a good lot of walking from now on. Didn't
Chalmers bring down some Indian clubs with him? I think I'll
borrow them. I ought to keep out in the open a lot, I think. I
wonder if there's any special diet I ought to have. Well, anyway,
I'll be going for that walk.'
At the foot of the stairs Nutty stopped. He looked quickly into
the porch, then looked away again.
'What's the matter?' asked Elizabeth.
'I thought for a moment I saw the monkey sitting on the hammock.'
He went out of the house and disappeared from view down the drive,
walking with long, rapid strides.
Elizabeth's first act, when he had gone, was to fetch a banana
from the ice-box. Her knowledge of monkeys was slight, but she
fancied they looked with favour on bananas. It was her intention
to conciliate Eustace.
She had placed Eustace by now. Unlike Nutty, she read the papers,
and she knew all about Lady Wetherby and her pets. The fact that
Lady Wetherby, as she had been informed by the grocer in friendly
talk, had rented a summer house in the neighbourhood made
Eustace's identity positive.
She had no very clear plans as to what she intended to do with
Eustace, beyond being quite resolved that she was going to board
and lodge him for a few days. Nutty had had the jolt he needed,
but it might be that the first freshness of it would wear away, in
which event it would be convenient to have Eustace on the
premises. She regarded Eustace as a sort of medicine. A second
dose might not be necessary, but it was as well to have the
mixture handy. She took another banana, in case the first might
not be sufficient. She then returned to the porch.
Eustace was sitting on the hammock, brooding. The complexities of
life were weighing him down a good deal. He was not aware of
Elizabeth's presence until he found her standing by him. He had
just braced himself for flight, when he perceived that she bore
Eustace was always ready for a light snack—readier now than
usual, for air and exercise had sharpened his appetite. He took
the banana in a detached manner, as it to convey the idea that it
did not commit him to any particular course of conduct. It was a
good banana, and he stretched out a hand for the other. Elizabeth
sat down beside him, but he did not move. He was convinced now of
her good intentions. It was thus that Lord Dawlish found them when
he came in from the garden.
'Where has your brother gone to?' he asked. 'He passed me just now
at eight miles an hour. Great Scot! What's that?'
'It's a monkey. Don't frighten him; he's rather nervous.'
She tickled Eustace under the ear, for their relations were now
'Nutty went for a walk because he thought he saw it.'
'Thought he saw it?'
'Thought he saw it,' repeated Elizabeth, firmly. 'Will you
remember, Mr Chalmers, that, as far as he is concerned, this
monkey has no existence?'
'I don't understand.'
'You see now?'
'I see. But how long are you going to keep the animal?'
'Just a day or two—in case.'
'Where are you going to keep it?'
'In the outhouse. Nutty never goes there, it's too near the
'I suppose you don't know who the owner is?'
'Yes, I do; it must be Lady Wetherby.'
'She's a woman who dances at one of the restaurants. I read in a
Sunday paper about her monkey. She has just taken a house near
here. I don't see who else the animal could belong to. Monkeys are
rarities on Long Island.'
Bill was silent. 'Sudden a thought came like a full-blown rose,
flushing his brow.' For days he had been trying to find an excuse
for calling on Lady Wetherby as a first step toward meeting Claire
again. Here it was. There would be no need to interfere with
Elizabeth's plans. He would be vague. He would say he had just
seen the runaway, but would not add where. He would create an
atmosphere of helpful sympathy. Perhaps, later on, Elizabeth would
let him take the monkey back.
'What are you thinking about?' asked Elizabeth.
'Oh, nothing,' said Bill.
'Perhaps we had better stow away our visitor for the night.'
Elizabeth got up.
'Poor, dear Nutty may be coming back at any moment now,' she said.
But poor, dear Nutty did not return for a full two hours. When he
did he was dusty and tired, but almost cheerful.
'I didn't see the brute once all the time I was out,' he told
Elizabeth. 'Not once!'
Elizabeth kissed him fondly and offered to heat water for a bath;
but Nutty said he would take it cold. From now on, he vowed,
nothing but cold baths. He conveyed the impression of being a
blend of repentant sinner and hardy Norseman. Before he went to
bed he approached Bill on the subject of Indian clubs.
'I want to get myself into shape, old top,' he said.
'I've got to cut it out—to-night I thought I saw a monkey.'
'As plain as I see you now.' Nutty gave the clubs a tentative
swing. 'What do you do with these darned things? Swing them about
and all that? All right, I see the idea. Good night.'
But Bill did not pass a good night. He lay awake long, thinking
over his plans for the morrow.
Lady Wetherby was feeling battered. She had not realized how
seriously Roscoe Sherriff took the art of publicity, nor what
would be the result of the half-hour he had spent at the telephone
on the night of the departure of Eustace.
Roscoe Sherriff's eloquence had fired the imagination of editors.
There had been a notable lack of interesting happenings this
summer. Nobody seemed to be striking or murdering or having
violent accidents. The universe was torpid. In these circumstances,
the escape of Eustace seemed to present possibilities. Reporters
had been sent down. There were three of them living in the house
now, and Wrench's air of disapproval was deepening every hour.
It was their strenuousness which had given Lady Wetherby that
battered feeling. There was strenuousness in the air, and she
resented it on her vacation. She had come to Long Island to
vegetate, and with all this going on round her vegetation was
impossible. She was not long alone. Wrench entered.
'A gentleman to see you, m'lady.'
In the good old days, when she had been plain Polly Davis, of the
personnel of the chorus of various musical comedies, Lady Wetherby
would have suggested a short way of disposing of this untimely
visitor; but she had a position to keep up now.
'From some darned paper?' she asked, wearily.
'No, m'lady. I fancy he is not connected with the Press.'
There was something in Wrench's manner that perplexed Lady
Wetherby, something almost human, as if Wrench were on the point
of coming alive. She did not guess it, but the explanation was
that Bill, quite unwittingly, had impressed Wrench. There was that
about Bill that reminded the butler of London and dignified
receptions at the house of the Dowager Duchess of Waveney. It was
deep calling unto deep.
'Where is he?'
'I have shown him into the drawing-room, m'lady.'
Lady Wetherby went downstairs and found a large young man awaiting
her, looking nervous.
Bill was feeling nervous. A sense of the ridiculousness of his
mission had come upon him. After all, he asked himself, what on
earth had he got to say? A presentiment had come upon him that he
was about to look a perfect ass. At the sight of Lady Wetherby his
nervousness began to diminish. Lady Wetherby was not a formidable
person. In spite of her momentary peevishness, she brought with
her an atmosphere of geniality and camaraderie.
'It's about your monkey,' he said, coming to the point at once.
Lady Wetherby brightened.
'Oh! Have you seen it?'
He was glad that she put it like that.
'Yes. It came round our way last night.'
'Where is that?'
'I am staying at a farm near here, a place they call Flack's. The
monkey got into one of the rooms.'
'And then—er—then it got out again, don't you know.'
Lady Wetherby looked disappointed.
'So it may be anywhere now?' she said.
In the interests of truth, Bill thought it best to leave this
'Well, it's very good of you to have bothered to come out and tell
me,' said Lady Wetherby. 'It gives us a clue, at any rate. Thank
you. At least, we know now in which direction it went.'
There was a pause. Bill gathered that the other was looking on the
interview as terminated, and that she was expecting him to go, and
he had not begun to say what he wanted to say. He tried to think
of a way of introducing the subject of Claire that should not seem
'Er—' he said.
'Well?' said Lady Wetherby, simultaneously.
'I beg your pardon.'
'You have the floor,' said Lady Wetherby. 'Shoot!'
It was not what she had intended to say. For months she had been
trying to get out of the habit of saying that sort of thing, but
she still suffered relapses. Only the other day she had told
Wrench to check some domestic problem or other with his hat, and
he had nearly given notice. But if she had been intending to put
Bill at his ease she could not have said anything better.
'You have a Miss Fenwick staying with you, haven't you?' he said.
Lady Wetherby beamed.
'Do you know Claire?'
'She's my best friend. We used to be in the same company when I
was in England.'
'So she has told me.'
'She was my bridesmaid when I married Lord Wetherby.'
Lady Wetherby was feeling perfectly happy now, and when Lady
Wetherby felt happy she always became garrulous. She was one of
those people who are incapable of looking on anybody as a stranger
after five minutes' acquaintance. Already she had begun to regard
Bill as an old friend.
'Those were great days,' she said, cheerfully. 'None of us had a
bean, and Algie was the hardest up of the whole bunch. After we
were married we went to the Savoy for the wedding-breakfast, and
when it was over and the waiter came with the check, Algie said he
was sorry, but he had had a bad week at Lincoln and hadn't the
price on him. He tried to touch me, but I passed. Then he had a go
at the best man, but the best man had nothing in the world but one
suit of clothes and a spare collar. Claire was broke, too, so the
end of it was that the best man had to sneak out and pawn my watch
and the wedding-ring.'
The room rang with her reminiscent laughter, Bill supplying a bass
accompaniment. Bill was delighted. He had never hoped that it
would be granted to him to become so rapidly intimate with
Claire's hostess. Why, he had only to keep the conversation in
this chummy vein for a little while longer and she would give him
the run of the house.
'Miss Fenwick isn't in now, I suppose?' he asked.
'No, Claire's out with Dudley Pickering. You don't know him, do
'She's engaged to him.'
It is an ironical fact that Lady Wetherby was by nature one of the
firmest believers in existence in the policy of breaking things
gently to people. She had a big, soft heart, and she hated hurting
her fellows. As a rule, when she had bad news to impart to any one
she administered the blow so gradually and with such mystery as to
the actual facts that the victim, having passed through the
various stages of imagined horrors, was genuinely relieved, when
she actually came to the point, to find that all that had happened
was that he had lost all his money. But now in perfect innocence,
thinking only to pass along an interesting bit of information, she
had crushed Bill as effectively as if she had used a club for that
'I'm tickled to death about it,' she went on, as it were over her
hearer's prostrate body. It was I who brought them together, you
know. I wrote telling Claire to come out here on the Atlantic,
knowing that Dudley was sailing on that boat. I had an idea they
would hit it off together. Dudley fell for her right away, and she
must have fallen for him, for they had only known each other
for a few weeks when they came and told me they were engaged.
It happened last Sunday.'
It had seemed to Bill a moment before that he would never again be
capable of speech, but this statement dragged the words out of
him. Last Sunday! Why, it was last Sunday that Claire had broken
off her engagement with him!
'Last Sunday at nine o'clock in the evening, with a full moon
shining and soft music going on off-stage. Real third-act stuff.'
Bill felt positively dizzy. He groped back in his memory for
facts. He had gone out for his walk after dinner. They had dined
at eight. He had been walking some time. Why, in Heaven's name,
this was the quickest thing in the amatory annals of civilization!
His brain was too numbed to work out a perfectly accurate
schedule, but it looked as if she must have got engaged to this
Pickering person before she met him, Bill, in the road that night.
'It's a wonderful match for dear old Claire,' resumed Lady
Wetherby, twisting the knife in the wound with a happy unconsciousness.
'Dudley's not only a corking good fellow, but he has thirty million
dollars stuffed away in the stocking and a business that brings him
in a perfectly awful mess of money every year. He's the Pickering of
the Pickering automobiles, you know.'
Bill got up. He stood for a moment holding to the back of his
chair before speaking. It was almost exactly thus that he had felt
in the days when he had gone in for boxing and had stopped
forceful swings with the more sensitive portions of his person.
'That—that's splendid!' he said. 'I—I think I'll be going.'
'I heard the car outside just now,' said Lady Wetherby. 'I think
it's probably Claire and Dudley come back. Won't you wait and see
Bill shook his head.
'Well, good-bye for the present, then. You must come round again.
Any friend of Claire's—and it was bully of you to bother about
looking in to tell of Eustace.'
Bill had reached the door. He was about to turn the handle when
someone turned it on the other side.
'Why, here is Dudley,' said Lady Wetherby. 'Dudley, this is a
friend of Claire's.'
Dudley Pickering was one of those men who take the ceremony of
introduction with a measured solemnity. It was his practice to
grasp the party of the second part firmly by the hand, hold it,
look into his eyes in a reverent manner, and get off some little
speech of appreciation, short but full of feeling. The opening
part of this ceremony he performed now. He grasped Bill's hand
firmly, held it, and looked into his eyes. And then, having
performed his business, he fell down on his lines. Not a word
proceeded from him. He dropped the hand and stared at Bill
amazedly and—more than that—with fear.
Bill, too, uttered no word. It was not one of those chatty
But if they were short on words, both Bill and Mr Pickering were
long on looks. Bill stared at Mr Pickering. Mr Pickering stared at
Bill was drinking in Mr Pickering. The stoutness of Mr Pickering—the
orderliness of Mr Pickering—the dullness of Mr Pickering—all these
things he perceived. And illumination broke upon him.
Mr Pickering was drinking in Bill. The largeness of Bill—the
embarrassment of Bill—the obvious villainy of Bill—none of these
things escaped his notice. And illumination broke upon him also.
For Dudley Pickering, in the first moment of their meeting, had
recognized Bill as the man who had been lurking in the grounds and
peering in at the window, the man at whom on the night when he had
become engaged to Claire he had shouted 'Hi!'
'Where's Claire, Dudley?' asked Lady Wetherby.
Mr Pickering withdrew his gaze reluctantly from Bill.
I'll go and tell her that you're here, Mr—You never told me your
Bill came to life with an almost acrobatic abruptness. There were
many things of which at that moment he felt absolutely incapable,
and meeting Claire was one of them.
'No; I must be going,' he said, hurriedly. 'Good-bye.'
He came very near running out of the room. Lady Wetherby regarded
the practically slammed door with wide eyes.
'Quick exit of Nut Comedian!' she said. 'Whatever was the matter
with the man? He's scorched a trail in the carpet.'
Mr Pickering was trembling violently.
'Do you know who that was? He was the man!' said Mr Pickering.
'The man I caught looking in at the window that night!'
'What nonsense! You must be mistaken. He said he knew Claire quite
'But when you suggested that he should meet her he ran.'
This aspect of the matter had not occurred to Lady Wetherby.
'So he did!'
'What did he tell you that showed he knew Claire?'
'Well, now that I come to think of it, he didn't tell me anything.
I did the talking. He just sat there.'
Mr Pickering quivered with combined fear and excitement and
'It was a trick!' he cried. 'Remember what Sherriff said that
night when I told you about finding the man looking in at the
window? He said that the fellow was spying round as a preliminary
move. To-day he trumps up an obviously false excuse for getting
into the house. Was he left alone in the rooms at all?'
'Yes. Wrench loosed him in here and then came up to tell me.'
'For several minutes, then, he was alone in the house. Why, he had
time to do all he wanted to do!'
'I am perfectly calm. But—'
'You've been seeing too many crook plays, Dudley. A man isn't
necessarily a burglar because he wears a decent suit of clothes.'
'Why was he lurking in the grounds that night?'
'You're just imagining that it was the same man.'
'I am absolutely positive it was the same man.'
'Well, we can easily settle one thing about him, at any rate. Here
comes Claire. Claire, old girl,' she said, as the door opened, 'do
you know a man named—Darn it! I never got his name, but he's—'
Claire stood in the doorway, looking from one to the other.
'What's the matter, Dudley?' she said.
'Dudley's gone clean up in the air,' explained Lady Wetherby,
tolerantly. 'A friend of yours called to tell me he had seen
'So that was his excuse, was it?' said Dudley Pickering. 'Did he
say where Eustace was?'
'No; he said he had seen him; that was all.'
'An obviously trumped-up story. He had heard of Eustace's escape
and he knew that any story connected with him would be a passport
into the house.'
Lady Wetherby turned to Claire.
'You haven't told us yet if you know the man. He was a big, tall,
broad gazook,' said Lady Wetherby. 'Very English.'
'He faked the English,' said Dudley Pickering. 'That man was no
more an Englishman than I am.'
'Be patient with him, Claire,' urged Lady Wetherby. 'He's been
going to the movies too much, and thinks every man who has had his
trousers pressed is a social gangster. This man was the most
English thing I've ever seen—talked like this.'
She gave a passable reproduction of Bill's speech. Claire started.
'I don't know him!' she cried.
Her mind was in a whirl of agitation. Why had Bill come to the
house? What had he said? Had he told Dudley anything?
'I don't recognize the description,' she said, quickly. 'I don't
know anything about him.'
'There!' said Dudley Pickering, triumphantly.
'It's queer,' said Lady Wetherby. 'You're sure you don't know him,
'He said he was living at a place near here, called Flack's.'
'I know the place,' said Dudley Pickering. 'A sinister, tumbledown
sort of place. Just where a bunch of crooks would be living.'
'I thought it was a bee-farm,' said Lady Wetherby. 'One of the
tradesmen told me about it. I saw a most corkingly pretty girl
bicycling down to the village one morning, and they told me she
was named Boyd and kept a bee-farm at Flack's.'
'A blind!' said Mr Pickering, stoutly. 'The girl's the man's
accomplice. It's quite easy to see the way they work. The girl
comes and settles in the place so that everybody knows her. That's
to lull suspicion. Then the man comes down for a visit and goes
about cleaning up the neighbouring houses. You can't get away from
the fact that this summer there have been half a dozen burglaries
down here, and nobody has found out who did them.'
Lady Wetherby looked at him indulgently.
'And now,' she said, 'having got us scared stiff, what are you
going to do about it?'
'I am going,' he said, with determination, 'to take steps.'
He went out quickly, the keen, tense man of affairs.
'Bless him!' said Lady Wetherby. 'I'd no idea your Dudley had so
much imagination, Claire. He's a perfect bomb-shell.'
Claire laughed shakily.
'It is odd, though,' said Lady Wetherby, meditatively, 'that this
man should have said that he knew you, when you don't—'
Claire turned impulsively.
'Polly, I want to tell you something. Promise you won't tell
Dudley. I wasn't telling the truth just now. I do know this man. I
was engaged to him once.'
'For goodness' sake don't tell Dudley!'
'It's all over now; but I used to be engaged to him.'
'Not when I was in England?'
'No, after that.'
'Then he didn't know you are engaged to Dudley now?'
'N-no. I—I haven't seen him for a long time.'
Lady Wetherby looked remorseful.
'Poor man! I must have given him a jolt! But why didn't you tell
me about him before?'
'Oh, I don't know.'
'Oh, well, I'm not inquisitive. There's no rubber in my
composition. It's your affair.'
'You won't tell Dudley?'
'Of course not. But why not? You've nothing to be ashamed of.'
'Well, I won't tell him, anyway. But I'm glad you told me about
him. Dudley was so eloquent about burglars that he almost had me
going. I wonder where he rushed off to?'
Dudley Pickering had rushed off to his bedroom, and was examining
a revolver there. He examined it carefully, keenly. Preparedness
was Dudley Pickering's slogan. He looked rather like a stout
sheriff in a film drama.
In the interesting land of India, where snakes abound and
scorpions are common objects of the wayside, a native who has had
the misfortune to be bitten by one of the latter pursues an
admirably common-sense plan. He does not stop to lament, nor does
he hang about analysing his emotions. He runs and runs and runs,
and keeps on running until he has worked the poison out of his
system. Not until then does he attempt introspection.
Lord Dawlish, though ignorant of this fact, pursued almost
identically the same policy. He did not run on leaving Lady
Wetherby's house, but he took a very long and very rapid walk,
than which in times of stress there are few things of greater
medicinal value to the human mind. To increase the similarity, he
was conscious of a curious sense of being poisoned. He felt
stifled—in want of air.
Bill was a simple young man, and he had a simple code of ethics.
Above all things he prized and admired and demanded from his
friends the quality of straightness. It was his one demand. He had
never actually had a criminal friend, but he was quite capable of
intimacy with even a criminal, provided only that there was
something spacious about his brand of crime and that it did not
involve anything mean or underhand. It was the fact that Mr
Breitstein whom Claire had wished him to insinuate into his club,
though acquitted of actual crime, had been proved guilty of
meanness and treachery, that had so prejudiced Bill against him.
The worst accusation that he could bring against a man was that he
was not square, that he had not played the game.
Claire had not been square. It was that, more than the shock of
surprise of Lady Wetherby's news, that had sent him striding along
the State Road at the rate of five miles an hour, staring before
him with unseeing eyes. A sudden recollection of their last
interview brought a dull flush to Bill's face and accelerated his
speed. He felt physically ill.
It was not immediately that he had arrived at even this sketchy
outline of his feelings. For perhaps a mile he walked as the
scorpion-stung natives run—blindly, wildly, with nothing in his
mind but a desire to walk faster and faster, to walk as no man had
ever walked before. And then—one does not wish to be unduly
realistic, but the fact is too important to be ignored—he began
to perspire. And hard upon that unrefined but wonder-working flow
came a certain healing of spirit. Dimly at first but every moment
more clearly, he found it possible to think.
In a man of Bill's temperament there are so many qualities wounded
by a blow such as he had received, that it is hardly surprising
that his emotions, when he began to examine them, were mixed. Now
one, now another, of his wounds presented itself to his notice.
And then individual wounds would become difficult to distinguish
in the mass of injuries. Spiritually, he was in the position of a
man who has been hit simultaneously in a number of sensitive spots
by a variety of hard and hurtful things. He was as little able,
during the early stages of his meditations, to say where he was
hurt most as a man who had been stabbed in the back, bitten in the
ankle, hit in the eye, smitten with a blackjack, and kicked on the
shin in the same moment of time. All that such a man would be able
to say with certainty would be that unpleasant things had happened
to him; and that was all that Bill was able to say.
Little by little, walking swiftly the while, he began to make a
rough inventory. He sorted out his injuries, catalogued them. It
was perhaps his self-esteem that had suffered least of all, for he
was by nature modest. He had a savage humility, valuable in a
crisis of this sort.
But he looked up to Claire. He had thought her straight. And all
the time that she had been saying those things to him that night
of their last meeting she had been engaged to another man, a fat,
bald, doddering, senile fool, whose only merit was his money.
Scarcely a fair description of Mr Pickering, but in a man in
Bill's position a little bias is excusable.
Bill walked on. He felt as if he could walk for ever. Automobiles
whirred past, hooting peevishly, but he heeded them not. Dogs
trotted out to exchange civilities, but he ignored them. The
poison in his blood drove him on.
And then quite suddenly and unexpectedly the fever passed. Almost
in mid-stride he became another man, a healed, sane man, keenly
aware of a very vivid thirst and a desire to sit down and rest
before attempting the ten miles of cement road that lay between
him and home. Half an hour at a wayside inn completed the cure. It
was a weary but clear-headed Bill who trudged back through the
He found himself thinking of Claire as of someone he had known
long ago, someone who had never touched his life. She seemed so
far away that he wondered how she could ever have affected him for
pain or pleasure. He looked at her across a chasm. This is the
real difference between love and infatuation, that infatuation
can be slain cleanly with a single blow. In the hour of clear
vision which had come to him, Bill saw that he had never loved
Claire. It was her beauty that had held him, that and the appeal
which her circumstances had made to his pity. Their minds had not
run smoothly together. Always there had been something that
jarred, a subtle antagonism. And she was crooked.
Almost unconsciously his mind began to build up an image of the
ideal girl, the girl he would have liked Claire to be, the girl
who would conform to all that he demanded of woman. She would be
brave. He realized now that, even though it had moved his pity,
Claire's querulousness had offended something in him.
He had made allowances for her, but the ideal girl would have had
no need of allowances. The ideal girl would be plucky, cheerfully
valiant, a fighter. She would not admit the existence of hard
She would be honest. Here, too, she would have no need of allowances.
No temptation would be strong enough to make her do a mean act or
think a mean thought, for her courage would give her strength, and
her strength would make her proof against temptation. She would be
kind. That was because she would also be extremely intelligent,
and, being extremely intelligent, would have need of kindness to
enable her to bear with a not very intelligent man like himself.
For the rest, she would be small and alert and pretty, and fair
haired—and brown-eyed—and she would keep a bee farm and her name
would be Elizabeth Boyd.
Having arrived with a sense of mild astonishment at this
conclusion, Bill found, also to his surprise, that he had walked
ten miles without knowing it and that he was turning in at the
farm gate. Somebody came down the drive, and he saw that it was
She hurried to meet him, small and shadowy in the uncertain light.
James, the cat, stalked rheumatically at her side. She came up to
Bill, and he saw that her face wore an anxious look. He gazed at
her with a curious feeling that it was a very long time since he
had seen her last.
'Where have you been?' she said, her voice troubled. 'I couldn't
think what had become of you.'
'I went for a walk.'
'But you've been gone hours and hours.'
'I went to a place called Morrisville.'
'Morrisville!' Elizabeth's eyes opened wide. 'Have you walked
'Why, I—I believe I have.'
It was the first time he had been really conscious of it.
Elizabeth looked at him in consternation. Perhaps it was the
association in her mind of unexpected walks with the newly-born
activities of the repentant Nutty that gave her the feeling that
there must be some mental upheaval on a large scale at the back of
this sudden ebullition of long-distance pedestrianism. She
remembered that the thought had come to her once or twice during
the past week that all was not well with her visitor, and that he
had seemed downcast and out of spirits.
'Is anything the matter, Mr Chalmers?'
'No,' said Bill, decidedly. He would have found a difficulty in
making that answer with any ring of conviction earlier in the day,
but now it was different. There was nothing whatever the matter
with him now. He had never felt happier.
'Absolutely. I feel fine.'
'I thought—I've been thinking for some days—that you might be in
trouble of some sort.'
Bill swiftly added another to that list of qualities which he had
been framing on his homeward journey. That girl of his would be
'It's awfully good of you,' he said, 'but honestly I feel like—I
The little troubled look passed from Elizabeth's face. Her eyes
'You're really feeling happy?'
'Then let me damp you. We're in an awful fix!'
'What! In what way?'
'About the monkey.'
'Has he escaped?'
'That's the trouble—he hasn't.'
'I don't understand.'
'Come and sit down and I'll tell you. It's a shame to keep you
standing after your walk.'
They made their way to the massive stone seat which Mr Flack, the
landlord, had bought at a sale and dumped in a moment of
exuberance on the farm grounds.
'This is the most hideous thing on earth,' said Elizabeth
casually, 'but it will do to sit on. Now tell me: why did you go
to Lady Wetherby's this afternoon?'
It was all so remote, it seemed so long ago that he had wanted to
find an excuse for meeting Claire again, that for a moment Bill
hesitated in actual perplexity, and before he could speak Elizabeth
had answered the question for him.
'I suppose you went out of kindness of heart to relieve the poor
lady's mind,' she said. 'But you certainly did the wrong thing.
You started something!'
'I didn't tell her the animal was here.'
'What did you tell her?'
'I said I had seen it, don't you know.'
'That was enough.'
'I'm awfully sorry.'
'Oh, we shall pull through all right, but we must act at once. We
must be swift and resolute. We must saddle our chargers and up and
away, and all that sort of thing. Show a flash of speed,' she
explained kindly, at the sight of Bill's bewildered face.
'But what has happened?'
'The press is on our trail. I've been interviewing reporters all
'Millions of them. The place is alive with them. Keen, hatchet-faced
young men, and every one of them was the man who really unravelled
some murder mystery or other, though the police got the credit for
it. They told me so.'
'But, I say, how on earth—'
'—did they get here? I suppose Lady Wetherby invited them.'
'She wants the advertisement, of course. I know it doesn't sound
sensational—a lost monkey; but when it's a celebrity's lost
monkey it makes a difference. Suppose King George had lost a
monkey; wouldn't your London newspapers give it a good deal of
space? Especially if it had thrown eggs at one of the ladies and
bitten the Duke of Norfolk in the leg? That's what our visitor has
been doing apparently. At least, he threw eggs at the scullery-maid
and bit a millionaire. It's practically the same thing. At any
rate, there it is. The newspaper men are here, and they seem
to regard this farm as their centre of operations. I had the
greatest difficulty in inducing them to go home to their well-earned
dinners. They wanted to camp out on the place. As it is, there may
still be some of them round, hiding in the grass with notebooks,
and telling one another in whispers that they were the men who
really solved the murder mystery. What shall we do?'
Bill had no suggestions.
'You realize our position? I wonder if we could be arrested for
kidnapping. The monkey is far more human than most of the
millionaire children who get kidnapped. It's an awful fix. Did you
know that Lady Wetherby is going to offer a reward for the
'Five hundred dollars!'
'She is. I suppose she feels she can charge it up to necessary
expenses for publicity and still be ahead of the game, taking into
account the advertising she's going to get.'
'She said nothing about that when I saw her.'
'No, because it won't be offered until to-morrow or the day after.
One of the newspaper men told me that. The idea is, of course, to
make the thing exciting just when it would otherwise be dying as a
news item. Cumulative interest. It's a good scheme, too, but it
makes it very awkward for me. I don't want to be in the position
of keeping a monkey locked up with the idea of waiting until
somebody starts a bull market in monkeys. I consider that that
sort of thing would stain the spotless escutcheon of the Boyds. It
would be a low trick for that old-established family to play. Not
but what poor, dear Nutty would do it like a shot,' she concluded
Bill was impressed.
'It does make it awkward, what?'
'It makes it more than awkward, what! Take another aspect of the
situation. The night before last my precious Nutty, while ruining
his constitution with the demon rum, thought he saw a monkey that
wasn't there, and instantly resolved to lead a new and better
life. He hates walking, but he has now begun to do his five miles
a day. He loathes cold baths, but he now wallows in them. I don't
know his views on Indian clubs, but I should think that he has a
strong prejudice against them, too, but now you can't go near him
without taking a chance of being brained. Are all these good
things to stop as quickly as they began? If I know Nutty, he would
drop them exactly one minute after he heard that it was a real
monkey he saw that night. And how are we to prevent his hearing?
By a merciful miracle he was out taking his walk when the
newspaper men began to infest the place to-day, but that might not
happen another time. What conclusion does all this suggest to you,
'We ought to get rid of the animal.'
'This very minute. But don't you bother to come. You must be tired
out, poor thing.'
'I never felt less tired,' said Bill stoutly.
Elizabeth looked at him in silence for a moment.
'You're rather splendid, you know, Mr Chalmers. You make a great
partner for an adventure of this kind. You're nice and solid.'
The outhouse lay in the neighbourhood of the hives, a gaunt,
wooden structure surrounded by bushes. Elizabeth glanced over her
shoulder as she drew the key from her pocket.
'You can't think how nervous I was this afternoon,' she said. 'I
thought every moment one of those newspaper men would look in
here. I—James! James! I thought I heard James in those bushes—I
kept heading them away. Once I thought it was all up.' She
unlocked the door. 'One of them was about a yard from the window,
just going to look in. Thank goodness, a bee stung him at the
psychological moment, and—Oh!'
'What's the matter?'
'Come and get a banana.'
They walked to the house. On the way Elizabeth stopped.
'Why, you haven't had any dinner either!' she said.
'Never mind me,' said Bill, 'I can wait. Let's get this thing
'You really are a sport, Mr Chalmers,' said Elizabeth gratefully.
'It would kill me to wait a minute. I shan't feel happy until I've
got it over. Will you stay here while I go up and see that Nutty's
safe in his room?' she added as they entered the house.
She stopped abruptly. A feline howl had broken the stillness of
the night, followed instantly by a sharp report.
'What was that?'
'It sounded like a car backfiring.'
'No, it was a shot. One of the neighbours, I expect. You can hear
miles away on a night like this. I suppose a cat was after his
chickens. Thank goodness, James isn't a pirate cat. Wait while I
go up and see Nutty.'
She was gone only a moment.
'It's all right,' she said. 'I peeped in. He's doing deep
breathing exercises at his window which looks out the other way.
When they reached the outhouse they found the door open.
'Did you do that?' said Elizabeth. 'Did you leave it open?'
'I don't remember doing it myself. It must have swung open. Well,
this saves us a walk. He'll have gone.'
'Better take a look round, what?'
'Yes, I suppose so; but he's sure not to be there. Have you a
Bill struck one and held it up.
The match went out.
'What is it? What has happened?'
Bill was fumbling for another match.
'There's something on the floor. It looks like—I thought for a
minute—' The small flame shot out of the gloom, flickered, then
burned with a steady glow. Bill stooped, bending over something on
the ground. The match burned down.
Bill's voice came out of the darkness:
'I say, you were right about that noise. It was a shot. The poor
little chap's down there on the floor with a hole in him the size
of my fist.'
Boyhood, like measles, is one of those complaints which a man
should catch young and have done with, for when it comes in
middle life it is apt to be serious. Dudley Pickering had escaped
boyhood at the time when his contemporaries were contracting it.
It is true that for a few years after leaving the cradle he had
exhibited a certain immatureness, but as soon as he put on
knickerbockers and began to go about a little he outgrew all that.
He avoided altogether the chaotic period which usually lies
between the years of ten and fourteen. At ten he was a thoughtful
and sober-minded young man, at fourteen almost an old fogy.
And now—thirty-odd years overdue—boyhood had come upon him. As
he examined the revolver in his bedroom, wild and unfamiliar
emotions seethed within him. He did not realize it, but they were
the emotions which should have come to him thirty years before and
driven him out to hunt Indians in the garden. An imagination which
might well have become atrophied through disuse had him as
thoroughly in its control as ever he had had his Pickering Giant.
He believed almost with devoutness in the plot which he had
detected for the spoliation of Lord Wetherby's summer-house, that
plot of which he held Lord Dawlish to be the mainspring. And it
must be admitted that circumstances had combined to help his
belief. If the atmosphere in which he was moving was not sinister
then there was no meaning in the word.
Summer homes had been burgled, there was no getting away from
that—half a dozen at least in the past two months. He was a
stranger in the locality, so had no means of knowing that summer
homes were always burgled on Long Island every year, as regularly
as the coming of the mosquito and the advent of the jelly-fish. It
was one of the local industries. People left summer homes lying
about loose in lonely spots, and you just naturally got in through
the cellar window. Such was the Long Islander's simple creed.
This created in Mr Pickering's mind an atmosphere of burglary, a
receptiveness, as it were, toward burglars as phenomena, and the
extremely peculiar behaviour of the person whom in his thoughts he
always referred to as The Man crystallized it. He had seen The Man
hanging about, peering in at windows. He had shouted 'Hi!' and The
Man had run. The Man had got into the house under the pretence of
being a friend of Claire's. At the suggestion that he should meet
Claire he had dashed away in a panic. And Claire, both then and
later, had denied absolutely any knowledge of him.
As for the apparently blameless beekeeping that was going on at
the place where he lived, that was easily discounted. Mr Pickering
had heard somewhere or read somewhere—he rather thought that it
was in those interesting but disturbing chronicles of Raffles—that
the first thing an intelligent burglar did was to assume some
open and innocent occupation to avert possible inquiry into his
real mode of life. Mr Pickering did not put it so to himself, for
he was rarely slangy even in thought, but what he felt was that he
had caught The Man and his confederate with the goods.
If Mr Pickering had had his boyhood at the proper time and
finished with it, he would no doubt have acted otherwise than he
did. He would have contented himself with conducting a war of
defence. He would have notified the police, and considered that
all that remained for him personally to do was to stay in his room
at night with his revolver. But boys will be boys. The only course
that seemed to him in any way satisfactory in this his hour of
rejuvenation was to visit the bee farm, the hotbed of crime, and
keep an eye on it. He wanted to go there and prowl.
He did not anticipate any definite outcome of his visit. In his
boyish, elemental way he just wanted to take a revolver and a
pocketful of cartridges, and prowl.
It was a great night for prowling. A moon so little less than full
that the eye could barely detect its slight tendency to become
concave, shone serenely, creating a desirable combination of black
shadows where the prowler might hide and great stretches of light
in which the prowler might reveal his wickedness without disguise.
Mr Pickering walked briskly along the road, then less briskly as
he drew nearer the farm. An opportune belt of shrubs that ran from
the gate adjoining the road to a point not far from the house gave
him just the cover he needed. He slipped into this belt of shrubs
and began to work his way through them.
Like generals, authors, artists, and others who, after planning
broad effects, have to get down to the detail work, he found that
this was where his troubles began. He had conceived the journey
through the shrubbery in rather an airy mood. He thought he would
just go through the shrubbery. He had not taken into account the
branches, the thorns, the occasional unexpected holes, and he was
both warm and dishevelled when he reached the end of it and found
himself out in the open within a short distance of what he
recognized as beehives. It was not for some time that he was able
to give that selfless attention to exterior objects which is the
prowler's chief asset. For quite a while the only thought of which
he was conscious was that what he needed most was a cold drink and
a cold bath. Then, with a return to clear-headedness, he realized
that he was standing out in the open, visible from three sides to
anyone who might be in the vicinity, and he withdrew into the
shrubbery. He was not fond of the shrubbery, but it was a splendid
place to withdraw into. It swallowed you up.
This was the last move of the first part of Mr Pickering's active
campaign. He stayed where he was, in the middle of a bush, and
waited for the enemy to do something. What he expected him to do
he did not know. The subconscious thought that animated him was
that on a night like this something was bound to happen sooner or
later. Just such a thought on similarly stimulating nights had
animated men of his acquaintance thirty years ago, men who were
as elderly and stolid and unadventurous now as Mr Pickering had
been then. He would have resented the suggestion profoundly, but
the truth of the matter was that Dudley Pickering, after a late
start, had begun to play Indians.
Nothing had happened for a long time—for such a long time that,
in spite of the ferment within him, Mr Pickering almost began to
believe that nothing would happen. The moon shone with unutterable
calm. The crickets and the tree frogs performed their interminable
duet, apparently unconscious that they were attacking it in
different keys—a fact that, after a while, began to infuriate
Mr Pickering. Mosquitoes added their reedy tenor to the concert.
A twig on which he was standing snapped with a report like a pistol.
The moon went on shining.
Away in the distance a dog began to howl. An automobile passed in
the road. For a few moments Mr Pickering was able to occupy
himself pleasantly with speculations as to its make; and then he
became aware that something was walking down the back of his neck
just beyond the point where his fingers could reach it. Discomfort
enveloped Mr Pickering. At various times by day he had seen
long-winged black creatures with slim waists and unpleasant faces.
Could it be one of these? Or a caterpillar? Or—and the maddening
thing was that he did not dare to slap at it, for who knew what
desperate characters the sound might not attract?
Well, it wasn't stinging him; that was something.
A second howling dog joined the first one. A wave of sadness was
apparently afflicting the canine population of the district to-night.
Mr Pickering's vitality began to ebb. He was ageing, and
imagination slackened its grip. And then, just as he had begun to
contemplate the possibility of abandoning the whole adventure and
returning home, he was jerked back to boyhood again by the sound
He shrank farther back into the bushes. A man—The Man—was
approaching, accompanied by his female associate. They passed so
close to him that he could have stretched out a hand and touched
The female associate was speaking, and her first words set all Mr
Pickering's suspicions dancing a dance of triumph. The girl gave
herself away with her opening sentence.
'You can't think how nervous I was this afternoon,' he heard her
say. She had a soft pleasant voice; but soft, pleasant voices may
be the vehicles for conveying criminal thoughts. 'I thought every
moment one of those newspaper men would look in here.'
Where was here? Ah, that outhouse! Mr Pickering had had his
suspicions of that outhouse already. It was one of those
structures that look at you furtively as if something were hiding
'James! James! I thought I heard James in those bushes.'
The girl was looking straight at the spot occupied by Mr
Pickering, and it had been the start caused by her first words and
the resultant rustle of branches that had directed her attention
to him. He froze. The danger passed. She went on speaking. Mr
Pickering pondered on James. Who was James? Another of the gang,
of course. How many of them were there?
'Once I thought it was all up. One of them was about a yard from
the window, just going to look in.'
Mr Pickering thrilled. There was something hidden in the outhouse,
'Thank goodness, a bee stung him at the psychological moment,
She stopped, and The Man spoke:
'What's the matter?'
It interested Mr Pickering that The Man retained his English
accent even when talking privately with his associates. For
practice, no doubt.
'Come and get a banana,' said the girl. And they went off together
in the direction of the house, leaving Mr Pickering bewildered.
Why a banana? Was it a slang term of the underworld for a pistol?
It must be that.
But he had no time for speculation. Now was his chance, the only
chance he would ever get of looking into that outhouse and finding
out its mysterious contents. He had seen the girl unlock the door.
A few steps would take him there. All it needed was nerve. With a
strong effort Mr Pickering succeeded in obtaining the nerve. He
burst from his bush and trotted to the outhouse door, opened it,
and looked in. And at that moment something touched his leg.
At the right time and in the right frame of mind man is capable of
stoic endurances that excite wonder and admiration. Mr Pickering
was no weakling. He had once upset his automobile in a ditch, and
had waited for twenty minutes until help came to relieve a broken
arm, and he had done it without a murmur. But on the present
occasion there was a difference. His mind was not adjusted for the
occurrence. There are times when it is unseasonable to touch a man
on the leg. This was a moment when it was unseasonable in the case
of Mr Pickering. He bounded silently into the air, his whole being
rent asunder as by a cataclysm.
He had been holding his revolver in his hand as a protection
against nameless terrors, and as he leaped he pulled the trigger.
Then with the automatic instinct for self-preservation, he sprang
back into the bushes, and began to push his way through them until
he had reached a safe distance from the danger zone.
James, the cat, meanwhile, hurt at the manner in which his
friendly move had been received, had taken refuge on the outhouse
roof. He mewed complainingly, a puzzled note in his voice. Mr
Pickering's behaviour had been one of those things that no fellow
can understand. The whole thing seemed inexplicable to James.
Lord Dawlish stood in the doorway of the outhouse, holding the
body of Eustace gingerly by the tail. It was a solemn moment.
There was no room for doubt as to the completeness of the
extinction of Lady Wetherby's pet.
Dudley Pickering's bullet had done its lethal work. Eustace's
adventurous career was over. He was through.
Elizabeth's mouth was trembling, and she looked very white in the
moonlight. Being naturally soft-hearted, she deplored the tragedy
for its own sake; and she was also, though not lacking in courage,
decidedly upset by the discovery that some person unknown had been
roaming her premises with a firearm.
'Oh, Bill!' she said. Then: 'Poor little chap!' And then: 'Who
could have done it?'
Lord Dawlish did not answer. His whole mind was occupied at the
moment with the contemplation of the fact that she had called him
Bill. Then he realized that she had spoken three times and
expected a reply.
'Who could have done it?'
Bill pondered. Never a quick thinker, the question found him
'Some fellow, I expect,' he said at last brightly. 'Got in, don't
you know, and then his pistol went off by accident.'
'But what was he doing with a pistol?'
Bill looked a little puzzled at this.
'Why, he would have a pistol, wouldn't he? I thought everybody
had over here.'
Except for what he had been able to observe during the brief
period of his present visit, Lord Dawlish's knowledge of the
United States had been derived from the American plays which he
had seen in London, and in these chappies were producing revolvers
all the time. He had got the impression that a revolver was as
much a part of the ordinary well-dressed man's equipment in the
United States as a collar.
'I think it was a burglar,' said Elizabeth. 'There have been a lot
of burglaries down here this summer.'
'Would a burglar burgle the outhouse? Rummy idea, rather, what?
Not much sense in it. I think it must have been a tramp. I expect
tramps are always popping about and nosing into all sorts of
extraordinary places, you know.'
'He must have been standing quite close to us while we were
talking,' said Elizabeth, with a shiver.
Bill looked about him. Everywhere was peace. No sinister sounds
competed with the croaking of the tree frogs. No alien figures
infested the landscape. The only alien figure, that of Mr
Pickering, was wedged into a bush, invisible to the naked eye.
'He's gone now, at any rate,' he said. 'What are we going to do?'
Elizabeth gave another shiver as she glanced hurriedly at the
deceased. After life's fitful fever Eustace slept well, but he was
not looking his best.
'With—it?' she said.
'I say,' advised Bill, 'I shouldn't call him "it," don't you know.
It sort of rubs it in. Why not "him"? I suppose we had better bury
him. Have you a spade anywhere handy?'
'There isn't a spade on the place.'
Bill looked thoughtful.
'It takes weeks to make a hole with anything else, you know,' he
said. 'When I was a kid a friend of mine bet me I wouldn't dig my
way through to China with a pocket knife. It was an awful frost. I
tried for a couple of days, and broke the knife and didn't get
anywhere near China.' He laid the remains on the grass and
surveyed them meditatively. 'This is what fellows always run up
against in the detective novels—What to Do With the Body. They
manage the murder part of it all right, and then stub their toes
on the body problem.'
'I wish you wouldn't talk as if we had done a murder.'
'I feel as if we had, don't you?'
'I read a story once where a fellow slugged somebody and melted
the corpse down in a bath tub with sulphuric—'
'Stop! You're making me sick!'
'Only a suggestion, don't you know,' said Bill apologetically.
'Well, suggest something else, then.'
'How about leaving him on Lady Wetherby's doorstep? See what I
mean—let them take him in with the morning milk? Or, if you would
rather ring the bell and go away, and—you don't think much of
'I simply haven't the nerve to do anything so risky.'
'Oh, I would do it. There would be no need for you to come.'
'I wouldn't dream of deserting you.'
'That's awfully good of you.'
'Besides, I'm not going to be left alone to-night until I can jump
into my little white bed and pull the clothes over my head. I'm
scared, I'm just boneless with fright. And I wouldn't go anywhere
near Lady Wetherby's doorstep with it.'
'It's no use, I can't think of it as "him." It's no good asking me
Bill frowned thoughtfully.
'I read a story once where two chappies wanted to get rid of a
body. They put it inside a fellow's piano.'
'You do seem to have read the most horrible sort of books.'
'I rather like a bit of blood with my fiction,' said Bill. 'What
about this piano scheme I read about?'
'People only have talking machines in these parts.'
'I read a story—'
'Let's try to forget the stories you've read. Suggest something of
'Well, could we dissect the little chap?'
'And bury him in the cellar, you know. Fellows do it to their
'Try again,' she said.
'Well, the only other thing I can think of is to take him into the
woods and leave him there. It's a pity we can't let Lady Wetherby
know where he is; she seems rather keen on him. But I suppose the
main point is to get rid of him.'
'I know how we can do both. That's a good idea of yours about the
woods. They are part of Lady Wetherby's property. I used to wander
about there in the spring when the house was empty. There's a sort
of shack in the middle of them. I shouldn't think anybody ever
went there—it's a deserted sort of place. We could leave him
there, and then—well, we might write Lady Wetherby a letter or
something. We could think out that part afterward.'
'It's the best thing we've thought of. You really want to come?'
'If you attempt to leave here without me I shall scream. Let's be
Bill picked Eustace up by his convenient tail.
'I read a story once,' he said, 'where a fellow was lugging a
corpse through a wood, when suddenly—'
'Stop right there,' said Elizabeth firmly.
During the conversation just recorded Dudley Pickering had been
keeping a watchful eye on Bill and Elizabeth from the interior of
a bush. His was not the ideal position for espionage, for he was
too far off to hear what they said, and the light was too dim to
enable him to see what it was that Bill was holding. It looked to
Mr Pickering like a sack or bag of some sort. As time went by he
became convinced that it was a sack, limp and empty at present,
but destined later to receive and bulge with what he believed was
technically known as the swag. When the two objects of vigilance
concluded their lengthy consultation, and moved off in the
direction of Lady Wetherby's woods, any doubts he may have had as
to whether they were the criminals he had suspected them of being
were dispersed. The whole thing worked out logically.
The Man, having spied out the land in his two visits to Lady
Wetherby's house, was now about to break in. His accomplice would
stand by with the sack. With a beating heart Mr Pickering gripped
his revolver and moved round in the shadow of the shrubbery till
he came to the gate, when he was just in time to see the guilty
couple disappear into the woods. He followed them. He was glad to
get on the move again. While he had been wedged into the bush,
quite a lot of the bush had been wedged into him. Something sharp
had pressed against the calf of his leg, and he had been pinched
in a number of tender places. And he was convinced that one more
of God's unpleasant creatures had got down the back of his neck.
Dudley Pickering moved through the wood as snakily as he could.
Nature had shaped him more for stability than for snakiness, but
he did his best. He tingled with the excitement of the chase, and
endeavoured to creep through the undergrowth like one of those
intelligent Indians of whom he had read so many years before in
the pages of Mr Fenimore Cooper. In those days Dudley Pickering
had not thought very highly of Fenimore Cooper, holding his work
deficient in serious and scientific interest; but now it seemed to
him that there had been something in the man after all, and he
resolved to get some of his books and go over them again. He
wished he had read them more carefully at the time, for they
doubtless contained much information and many hints which would
have come in handy just now. He seemed, for example, to recall
characters in them who had the knack of going through forests
without letting a single twig crack beneath their feet. Probably
the author had told how this was done. In his unenlightened state
it was beyond Mr Pickering. The wood seemed carpeted with twigs.
Whenever he stepped he trod on one, and whenever he trod on one it
cracked beneath his feet. There were moments when he felt gloomily
that he might just as well be firing a machine-gun.
Bill, meanwhile, Elizabeth following close behind him, was
ploughing his way onward. From time to time he would turn to
administer some encouraging remark, for it had come home to him by
now that encouraging remarks were what she needed very much in the
present crisis of her affairs. She was showing him a new and
hitherto unsuspected side of her character. The Elizabeth whom he
had known—the valiant, self-reliant Elizabeth—had gone, leaving
in her stead someone softer, more appealing, more approachable. It
was this that was filling him with strange emotions as he led the
way to their destination.
He was becoming more and more conscious of a sense of being drawn
very near to Elizabeth, of a desire to soothe, comfort, and protect
her. It was as if to-night he had discovered the missing key to a
puzzle or the missing element in some chemical combination. Like
most big men, his mind was essentially a protective mind; weakness
drew out the best that was in him. And it was only to-night that
Elizabeth had given any sign of having any weakness in her
composition. That clear vision which had come to him on his long
walk came again now, that vivid conviction that she was the only
girl in the world for him.
He was debating within himself the advisability of trying to find
words to express this sentiment, when Mr Pickering, the modern
Chingachgook, trod on another twig in the background and Elizabeth
stopped abruptly with a little cry.
'What was that?' she demanded.
Bill had heard a noise too. It was impossible to be within a dozen
yards of Mr Pickering, when on the trail, and not hear a noise.
The suspicion that someone was following them did not come to him,
for he was a man rather of common sense than of imagination, and
common sense was asking him bluntly why the deuce anybody should
want to tramp after them through a wood at that time of night. He
caught the note of panic in Elizabeth's voice, and was soothing
'It was just a branch breaking. You hear all sorts of rum noises
in a wood.'
'I believe it's the man with the pistol following us!'
'Nonsense. Why should he? Silly thing to do!' He spoke almost
'Look!' cried Elizabeth.
'I saw someone dodge behind that tree.'
'You mustn't let yourself imagine things. Buck up!'
'I can't buck up. I'm scared.'
'Which tree did you think you saw someone dodge behind?'
'That big one there.'
'Well, listen: I'll go back and—'
'If you leave me for an instant I shall die in agonies.' She
gulped. 'I never knew I was such a coward before. I'm just a
'Nonsense. This sort of thing might frighten anyone. I read a
Bill found that his heart had suddenly begun to beat with
unaccustomed rapidity. The desire to soothe, comfort, and protect
Elizabeth became the immediate ambition of his life. It was very
dark where they stood. The moonlight, which fell in little patches
round them, did not penetrate the thicket which they had entered.
He could hardly see her. He was merely aware of her as a presence.
An excellent idea occurred to him.
'Hold my hand,' he said.
It was what he would have said to a frightened child, and there was
much of the frightened child about Elizabeth then. The Eustace mystery
had given her a shock which subsequent events had done nothing to
dispel, and she had lost that jauntiness and self-confidence which was
her natural armour against the more ordinary happenings of life.
Something small and soft slid gratefully into his palm, and there
was silence for a space. Bill said nothing. Elizabeth said
nothing. And Mr Pickering had stopped treading on twigs. The
faintest of night breezes ruffled the tree-tops above them. The
moonbeams filtered through the branches. He held her hand tightly.
The breeze died away. Not a leaf stirred. The wood was very still.
Somewhere on a bough a bird moved drowsily 'All right?'
And then something happened—something shattering, disintegrating.
It was only a pheasant, but it sounded like the end of the world.
It rose at their feet with a rattle that filled the universe, and
for a moment all was black confusion. And when that moment had
passed it became apparent to Bill that his arm was round
Elizabeth, that she was sobbing helplessly, and that he was
kissing her. Somebody was talking very rapidly in a low voice.
He found that it was himself.
There was something wonderful about the name, a sort of music.
This was odd, because the name, as a name, was far from being a
favourite of his. Until that moment childish associations had
prejudiced him against it. It had been inextricably involved in
his mind with an atmosphere of stuffy schoolrooms and general
misery, for it had been his misfortune that his budding mind was
constitutionally incapable of remembering who had been Queen of
England at the time of the Spanish Armada—a fact that had caused
a good deal of friction with a rather sharp-tempered governess.
But now it seemed the only possible name for a girl to have, the
only label that could even remotely suggest those feminine charms
which he found in this girl beside him. There was poetry in every
syllable of it. It was like one of those deep chords which fill
the hearer with vague yearnings for strange and beautiful things.
He asked for nothing better than to stand here repeating it.
That sounded good too. There was music in 'Bill' when properly
spoken. The reason why all the other Bills in the world had got
the impression that it was a prosaic sort of name was that there
was only one girl in existence capable of speaking it properly,
and she was not for them.
'Bill, are you really fond of me?'
'Fond of you!'
She gave a sigh. 'You're so splendid!'
Bill was staggered. These were strange words. He had never thought
much of himself. He had always looked on himself as rather a
chump—well-meaning, perhaps, but an awful ass. It seemed
incredible that any one—and Elizabeth of all people—could look
on him as splendid.
And yet the very fact that she had said it gave it a plausible
sort of sound. It shook his convictions. Splendid! Was he? By
Jove, perhaps he was, what? Rum idea, but it grew on a chap.
Filled with a novel feeling of exaltation, he kissed Elizabeth
eleven times in rapid succession.
He felt devilish fit. He would have liked to run a mile or two and
jump a few gates. He wished five or six starving beggars would
come along; it would be pleasant to give the poor blighters money.
It was too much to expect at that time of night, of course, but it
would be rather jolly if Jess Willard would roll up and try to
pick a quarrel. He would show him something. He felt grand and
strong and full of beans. What a ripping thing life was when you
came to think of it.
'This,' he said, 'is perfectly extraordinary!' And time stood
A sense of something incongruous jarred upon Bill. Something
seemed to be interfering with the supreme romance of that golden
moment. It baffled him at first. Then he realized that he was
still holding Eustace by the tail.
Dudley Pickering had watched these proceedings—as well as the
fact that it was extremely dark and that he was endeavouring to
hide a portly form behind a slender bush would permit him—with a
sense of bewilderment. A comic artist drawing Mr Pickering at that
moment would no doubt have placed above his head one of those
large marks of interrogation which lend vigour and snap to modern
comic art. Certainly such a mark of interrogation would have
summed up his feelings exactly. Of what was taking place he had
not the remotest notion. All he knew was that for some inexplicable
reason his quarry had come to a halt and seemed to have settled down
for an indefinite stay. Voices came to him in an indistinguishable
murmur, intensely irritating to a conscientious tracker. One of
Fenimore Cooper's Indians—notably Chingachgook, if, which seemed
incredible, that was really the man's name—would have crept up
without a sound and heard what was being said and got in on the
ground floor of whatever plot was being hatched. But experience
had taught Mr Pickering that, superior as he was to Chingachgook
and his friends in many ways, as a creeper he was not in their class.
He weighed thirty or forty pounds more than a first-class creeper
should. Besides, creeping is like golf. You can't take it up in the
middle forties and expect to compete with those who have been at it
He had resigned himself to an all-night vigil behind the bush,
when to his great delight he perceived that things had begun to
move again. There was a rustling of feet in the undergrowth, and
he could just see two indistinct forms making their way among the
bushes. He came out of his hiding place and followed stealthily,
or as stealthily as the fact that he had not even taken a
correspondence course in creeping allowed. And profiting by
earlier mistakes, he did succeed in making far less noise than
before. In place of his former somewhat elephantine method of
progression he adopted a species of shuffle which had excellent
results, for it enabled him to brush twigs away instead of
stepping flatfootedly on them. The new method was slow, but it had
no other disadvantages.
Because it was slow, Mr Pickering was obliged to follow his prey
almost entirely by ear. It was easy at first, for they seemed to
be hurrying on regardless of noise. Then unexpectedly the sounds
of their passage ceased.
He halted. In his boyish way the first thing he thought was that
it was an ambush. He had a vision of that large man suspecting his
presence and lying in wait for him with a revolver. This was not a
comforting thought. Of course, if a man is going to fire a
revolver at you it makes little difference whether he is a giant
or a pygmy, but Mr Pickering was in no frame of mind for nice
reasoning. It was the thought of Bill's physique which kept him
standing there irresolute.
What would Chingachgook—assuming, for purposes of argument, that
any sane godfather could really have given a helpless child a name
like that—have done? He would, Mr Pickering considered, after
giving the matter his earnest attention, have made a detour
and outflanked the enemy. An excellent solution of the difficulty.
Mr Pickering turned to the left and began to advance circuitously,
with the result that, before he knew what he was doing, he came
out into a clearing and understood the meaning of the sudden
silence which had perplexed him. Footsteps made no sound on this
He knew where he was now; the clearing was familiar. This was
where Lord Wetherby's shack-studio stood; and there it was, right
in front of him, black and clear in the moonlight. And the two
dark figures were going into it.
Mr Pickering retreated into the shelter of the bushes and mused
upon this thing. It seemed to him that for centuries he had been
doing nothing but retreat into bushes for this purpose. His
perplexity had returned. He could imagine no reason why burglars
should want to visit Lord Wetherby's studio. He had taken it for
granted, when he had tracked them to the clearing, that they were
on their way to the house, which was quite close to the shack,
separated from it only by a thin belt of trees and a lawn.
They had certainly gone in. He had seen them with his own eyes—first
the man, then very close behind him, apparently holding to his coat,
the girl. But why?
Creep up and watch them? Would Chingachgook have taken a risk like
that? Hardly, unless insured with some good company. Then what? He
was still undecided when he perceived the objects of his attention
emerging. He backed a little farther into the bushes.
They stood for an instant, listening apparently. The man no longer
carried the sack. They exchanged a few inaudible words. Then they
crossed the clearing and entered the wood a few yards to his
right. He could hear the crackling of their footsteps diminishing
in the direction of the road.
A devouring curiosity seized upon Mr Pickering. He wanted, more
than he had wanted almost anything before in his life, to find out
what the dickens they had been up to in there. He listened. The
footsteps were no longer audible. He ran across the clearing and
into the shack. It was then that he discovered that he had no
This needless infliction, coming upon him at the crisis of an
adventurous night, infuriated Mr Pickering. He swore softly. He
groped round the walls for an electric-light switch, but the shack
had no electric-light switch. When there was need to illuminate it
an oil lamp performed the duty. This occurred to Mr Pickering
after he had been round the place three times, and he ceased to
grope for a switch and began to seek for a match-box. He was still
seeking it when he was frozen in his tracks by the sound of
footsteps, muffled but by their nearness audible, just outside the
door. He pulled out his pistol, which he had replaced in his
pocket, backed against the wall, and stood there prepared to sell
his life dearly.
The door opened.
One reads of desperate experiences ageing people in a single
night. His present predicament aged Mr Pickering in a single
minute. In the brief interval of time between the opening of the
door and the moment when a voice outside began to speak he became
a full thirty years older. His boyish ardour slipped from him, and
he was once more the Dudley Pickering whom the world knew, the
staid and respectable middle-aged man of affairs, who would have
given a million dollars not to have got himself mixed up in this
And then the voice spoke.
'I'll light the lamp,' it said; and with an overpowering feeling
of relief Mr Pickering recognized it as Lord Wetherby's. A moment
later the temperamental peer's dapper figure became visible in
silhouette against a background of pale light.
'Ah-hum!' said Mr Pickering.
The effect on Lord Wetherby was remarkable. To hear some one clear
his throat at the back of a dark room, where there should
rightfully be no throat to be cleared, would cause even your man
of stolid habit a passing thrill. The thing got right in among
Lord Wetherby's highly sensitive ganglions like an earthquake. He
uttered a strangled cry, then dashed out and slammed the door
'There's someone in there!'
Lady Wetherby's tranquil voice made itself heard.
'Nonsense; who could be in there?'
'I heard him, I tell you. He growled at me!'
It seemed to Mr Pickering that the time had come to relieve the
mental distress which he was causing his host. He raised his
'It's all right!' he called.
'There!' said Lord Wetherby.
'Who's that?' asked Lady Wetherby, through the door.
'It's all right. It's me—Pickering.'
The door was opened a few inches by a cautious hand.
'Is that you, Pickering?'
'Yes. It's all right.'
'Don't keep saying it's all right,' said Lord Wetherby, irritably.
'It isn't all right. What do you mean by hiding in the dark and
popping out and barking at a man? You made me bite my tongue. I've
never had such a shock in my life.'
Mr Pickering left his lair and came out into the open. Lord
Wetherby was looking aggrieved, Lady Wetherby peacefully
inquisitive. For the first time Mr Pickering discovered that
Claire was present. She was standing behind Lady Wetherby with a
floating white something over her head, looking very beautiful.
'For the love of Mike!' said Lady Wetherby.
Mr Pickering became aware that he was still holding the revolver.
'Oh, ah!' he said, and pocketed the weapon.
'Barking at people!' muttered Lord Wetherby in a querulous
'What on earth are you doing, Dudley?' said Claire.
There was a note in her voice which both puzzled and pained Mr
Pickering, a note that seemed to suggest that she found herself in
imperfect sympathy with him. Her expression deepened the
suggestion. It was a cold expression, unfriendly, as if it was not
so keen a pleasure to Claire to look at him as it should be for a
girl to look at the man whom she is engaged to marry. He had
noticed the same note in her voice and the same hostile look in
her eye earlier in the evening. He had found her alone, reading a
letter which, as the stamp on the envelope showed, had come from
England. She had seemed so upset that he had asked her if it
contained bad news, and she had replied in the negative with so
much irritation that he had desisted from inquiries. But his own
idea was that she had had bad news from home. Mr Pickering still
clung to his early impression that her little brother Percy was
consumptive, and he thought the child must have taken a turn for
the worse. It was odd that she should have looked and spoken like
that then, and it was odd that she should look and speak like that
now. He had been vaguely disturbed then and he was vaguely
disturbed now. He had the feeling that all was not well.
'Yes,' said Lady Wetherby. 'What on earth are you doing, Dudley?'
'Popping out!' grumbled Lord Wetherby.
'We came here to see Algie's picture, which has got something
wrong with its eyes apparently, and we find you hiding in the dark
with a gun. What's the idea?'
'It's a long story,' said Mr Pickering.
'We have the night before us,' said Lady Wetherby.
'You remember The Man—the fellow I found looking in at the
window, The Man who said he knew Claire?'
'You've got that man on the brain, Dudley. What's he been doing to
'I tracked him here.'
'Tracked him? Where from?'
'From that bee-farm place where he's living. He and that girl you
spoke of went into these woods. I thought they were making for the
house, but they went into the shack.'
'What did they do then?' asked Lady Wetherby.
'They came out again.'
'That's what I was trying to find out.'
Lord Wetherby uttered an exclamation.
'By Jove!' There was apprehension in his voice, but mingled with
it a certain pleased surprise. 'Perhaps they were after my
picture. I'll light the lamp. Good Lord, picture
thieves—Romneys—missing Gainsboroughs—' His voice trailed off
as he found the lamp and lit it. Relief and disappointment were
nicely blended in his next words: 'No, it's still there.'
The soft light of the lamp filled the studio.
'Well, that's a comfort,' said Lady Wetherby, sauntering in. 'We
couldn't afford to lose—Oh!'
Lord Wetherby spun round as her scream burst upon his already
tortured nerve centres. Lady Wetherby was kneeling on the floor.
Claire hurried in.
'What is it, Polly?'
Lady Wetherby rose to her feet, and pointed. Her face had lost its
look of patient amusement. It was hard and set. She eyed Mr
Pickering in a menacing way.
Claire followed her finger.
'Good gracious! It's Eustace!'
She was looking intently at Mr Pickering. 'Well, Dudley,' she
said, coldly, 'what about it?'
Mr Pickering found that they were all looking at him—Lady
Wetherby with glittering eyes, Claire with cool scorn, Lord
Wetherby with a horror which he seemed to have achieved with
something of an effort.
'Well!' said Claire.
'What about it, Dudley?' said Lady Wetherby.
'I must say, Pickering,' said Lord Wetherby, 'much as I disliked
the animal, it's a bit thick!'
Mr Pickering recoiled from their accusing gaze.
'Good heavens! Do you think I did it?'
In the midst of his anguish there flashed across his mind the
recollection of having seen just this sort of situation in a
moving picture, and of having thought it far-fetched.
Lady Wetherby's good-tempered mouth, far from good-tempered now,
curled in a devastating sneer. She was looking at him as Claire,
in the old days when they had toured England together in road
companies, had sometimes seen her look at recalcitrant landladies.
The landladies, without exception, had wilted beneath that gaze,
and Mr Pickering wilted now.
'But—but—but—' was all he could contrive to say.
'Why should we think you did it?' said Lady Wetherby, bitterly.
'You had a grudge against the poor brute for biting you. We find
you hiding here with a pistol and a story about burglars which an
infant couldn't swallow. I suppose you thought that, if you
planted the poor creature's body here, it would be up to Algie to
get rid of it, and that if he were found with it I should think
that it was he who had killed the animal.'
The look of horror which Lord Wetherby had managed to assume
became genuine at these words. The gratitude which he had been
feeling towards Mr Pickering for having removed one of the chief
trials of his existence vanished.
'Great Scot!' he cried. 'So that was the game, was it?'
Mr Pickering struggled for speech. This was a nightmare.
'But I didn't! I didn't! I didn't! I tell you I hadn't the
remotest notion the creature was there.'
'Oh, come, Pickering!' said Lord Wetherby. 'Come, come, come!'
Mr Pickering found that his accusers were ebbing away. Lady
Wetherby had gone. Claire had gone. Only Lord Wetherby remained,
looking at him like a pained groom. He dashed from the place and
followed his hostess, speaking incoherently of burglars,
outhouses, and misunderstandings. He even mentioned Chingachgook.
But Lady Wetherby would not listen. Nobody would listen.
He found Lord Wetherby at his side, evidently prepared to go
deeper into the subject. Lord Wetherby was looking now like a
groom whose favourite horse has kicked him in the stomach.
'Wouldn't have thought it of you, Pickering,' said Lord Wetherby.
Mr Pickering found no words. 'Wouldn't, honestly. Low trick!'
'But I tell you—'
'Devilish low trick!' repeated Lord Wetherby, with a shake of the
head. 'Laws of hospitality—eaten our bread and salt, what!—all
that sort of thing—kill valuable monkey—not done, you know—low,
And he followed his wife, now in full retreat, with scorn and
repulsion written in her very walk.
It was Claire. She stood there, holding something towards him,
something that glittered in the moonlight. Her voice was hard, and
the expression on her face suggested that in her estimation he was
a particularly low-grade worm, one of the submerged tenth of the
'Eh?' said Mr Pickering, dazedly.
He looked at what she had in her hand, but it conveyed nothing to
his overwrought mind.
'Very well,' she said.
She flung something on the ground before him—a small, sparkling
object. Then she swept away, his eyes following her, and was lost
in the darkness of the trees. Mechanically Mr Pickering stooped to
pick up what she had let fall. He recognized it now. It was her
Bill leaned his back against the gate that separated the grounds of
the bee-farm from the high road and mused pleasantly. He was alone.
Elizabeth was walking up the drive on her way to the house to tell
the news to Nutty. James, the cat, who had come down from the roof
of the outhouse, was sharpening his claws on a neighbouring tree.
After the whirl of excitement that had been his portion for the past
few hours, the peace of it all appealed strongly to Bill. It suited
the mood of quiet happiness which was upon him.
Quietly happy, that was how he felt now that it was all over. The
white heat of emotion had subsided to a gentle glow of contentment
conducive to thought. He thought tenderly of Elizabeth. She had
turned to wave her hand before going into the house, and he was
still smiling fatuously. Wonderful girl! Lucky chap he was! Rum,
the way they had come together! Talk about Fate, what?
He stooped to tickle James, who had finished stropping his claws
and was now enjoying a friction massage against his leg, and began
to brood on the inscrutable way of Fate.
Rum thing, Fate! Most extraordinary!
Suppose he had never gone down to Marvis Bay that time. He had
wavered between half a dozen places; it was pure chance that he
had chosen Marvis Bay. If he hadn't he would never have met old
Nutcombe. Probably old Nutcombe had wavered between half a dozen
places too. If they hadn't both happened to choose Marvis Bay they
would never have met. And if they hadn't been the only visitors
there they might never have got to know each other. And if old
Nutcombe hadn't happened to slice his approach shots he would
never have put him under an obligation. Queer old buster, old
Nutcombe, leaving a fellow he hardly knew from Adam a cool million
quid just because he cured him of slicing.
It was at this point in his meditations that it suddenly occurred to
Bill that he had not yet given a thought to what was immeasurably
the most important of any of the things that ought to be occupying
his mind just now. What was he to do about this Lord Dawlish
Life at Brookport had so accustomed him to being plain Bill
Chalmers that it had absolutely slipped his mind that he was
really Lord Dawlish, the one man in the world whom Elizabeth
looked on as an enemy. What on earth was he to do about that? Tell
her? But if he told her, wouldn't she chuck him on the spot?
This was awful. The dreamy sense of well-being left him. He
straightened himself to face this problem, ignoring the hint of
James, who was weaving circles about his legs expectant of more
tickling. A man cannot spend his time tickling cats when he has to
concentrate on a dilemma of this kind.
Suppose he didn't tell her? How would that work out? Was a marriage
legal if the cove who was being married went through it under a
false name? He seemed to remember seeing a melodrama in his boyhood
the plot of which turned on that very point. Yes, it began to come
back to him. An unpleasant bargee with a black moustache had said,
'This woman is not your wife!' and caused the dickens of a lot of
unpleasantness; but there in its usual slipshod way memory failed.
Had subsequent events proved the bargee right or wrong? It was a
question for a lawyer to decide. Jerry Nichols would know. Well,
there was plenty of time, thank goodness, to send Jerry Nichols a
cable, asking for his professional opinion, and to get the straight
tip long before the wedding day arrived.
Laying this part of it aside for the moment, and assuming that the
thing could be worked, what about the money? Like a chump, he had
told Elizabeth on the first day of his visit that he hadn't any
money except what he made out of his job as secretary of the club.
He couldn't suddenly spring five million dollars on her and
pretend that he had forgotten all about it till then.
Of course, he could invent an imaginary uncle or something, and
massacre him during the honeymoon. Something in that. He pictured
the thing in his mind. Breakfast: Elizabeth doling out the
scrambled eggs. 'What's the matter, Bill? Why did you exclaim like
that? Is there some bad news in the letter you are reading?'
'Oh, it's nothing—only my Uncle John's died and left me five
The scene worked out so well that his mind became a little above
itself. It suggested developments of serpentine craftiness. Why
not get Jerry Nichols to write him a letter about his Uncle John
and the five millions? Jerry liked doing that sort of thing. He
would do it like a shot, and chuck in a lot of legal words to make
it sound right. It began to be clear to Bill that any move he
took—except full confession, at which he jibbed—was going to
involve Jerry Nichols as an ally; and this discovery had a
soothing effect on him. It made him feel that the responsibility
had been shifted. He couldn't do anything till he had consulted
Jerry, so there was no use in worrying. And, being one of those
rare persons who can cease worrying instantly when they have
convinced themselves that it is useless, he dismissed the entire
problem from his mind and returned to the more congenial
occupation of thinking of Elizabeth.
It was a peculiar feature of his position that he found himself
unable to think of Elizabeth without thinking of Claire. He tried
to, but failed. Every virtue in Elizabeth seemed to call up the
recollection of a corresponding defect in Claire. It became almost
mathematical. Elizabeth was so straight on the level they called
it over here. Claire was a corkscrew among women. Elizabeth was
sunny and cheerful. Querulousness was Claire's besetting sin.
Elizabeth was such a pal. Claire had never been that. The effect
that Claire had always had on him was to deepen the conviction,
which never really left him, that he was a bit of an ass.
Elizabeth, on the other hand, bucked him up and made him feel as
if he really amounted to something.
How different they were! Their very voices—Elizabeth had a sort
of quiet, soothing, pleasant voice, the kind of voice that somehow
suggested that she thought a lot of a chap without her having to
say it in so many words. Whereas Claire's voice—he had noticed it
right from the beginning—Claire's voice—
While he was trying to make clear to himself just what it was
about Claire's voice that he had not liked he was granted the
opportunity of analysing by means of direct observation its
failure to meet his vocal ideals, for at this moment it spoke
She was standing in the road, her head still covered with that
white, filmy something which had commended itself to Mr Pickering's
eyes. She was looking at him in a way that seemed somehow to strike
a note of appeal. She conveyed an atmosphere of softness and
repentance, a general suggestion of prodigal daughters revisiting
'We seem always to be meeting at gates, don't we?' she said, with
a faint smile.
It was a deprecating smile, wistful.
'Bill!' she said again, and stopped. She laid her left hand
lightly on the gate. Bill had a sort of impression that there was
some meaning behind this action; that, if he were less of a chump
than Nature had made him, he would at this point receive some sort
of a revelation. But, being as Nature had made him, he did not get
He was one of those men to whom a girl's left hand is simply a
girl's left hand, irrespective of whether it wears rings on its
third finger or not.
This having become evident to Claire after a moment of silence,
she withdrew her hand in rather a disappointed way and prepared to
attack the situation from another angle.
'Bill, I've come to say something to you.'
Bill was looking at her curiously. He could not have believed
that, even after what had happened, he could face her with such
complete detachment; that she could so extraordinarily not matter.
He felt no resentment toward her. It was simply that she had gone
out of his life.
'Bill, I've been a fool.'
He made no reply to this for he could think of no reply that was
sufficiently polite. 'Yes?' sounded as if he meant to say that
that was just what he had expected. 'Really?' had a sarcastic
ring. He fell back on facial expression, to imply that he was
interested and that she might tell all.
Claire looked away down the road and began to speak in a low,
'I've been a fool all along. I lost you through being a fool. When
I saw you dancing with that girl in the restaurant I didn't stop
to think. I was angry. I was jealous. I ought to have trusted you,
but—Oh, well, I was a fool.'
'My dear girl, you had a perfect right—'
'I hadn't. I was an idiot. Bill, I've come to ask you if you can't
'I wish you wouldn't talk like that—there's nothing to forgive.'
The look which Claire gave him in answer to this was meek and
affectionate, but inwardly she was wishing that she could bang his
head against the gate. His slowness was maddening. Long before
this he should have leaped into the road in order to fold her in
his arms. Her voice shook with the effort she had to make to keep
it from sharpness.
'I mean, is it too late? I mean, can you really forgive me? Oh,
Bill'—she stopped herself by the fraction of a second from adding
'you idiot'—'can't we be the same again to each other? Can't
we—pretend all this has never happened?'
Exasperating as Bill's wooden failure to play the scene in the
spirit in which her imagination had conceived it was to Claire,
several excuses may be offered for him: He had opened the evening
with a shattering blow at his faith in woman. He had walked twenty
miles at a rapid pace. He had heard shots and found a corpse, and
carried the latter by the tail across country. Finally, he had had
the stunning shock of discovering that Elizabeth Boyd loved him.
He was not himself. He found a difficulty in concentrating. With
the result that, in answer to this appeal from a beautiful girl
whom he had once imagined that he loved, all he could find to say
was: 'How do you mean?'
Claire, never an adept at patience, just succeeded in swallowing
the remark that sprang into her mind. It was incredible to her
that a man could exist who had so little intuition. She had not
anticipated the necessity of being compelled to put the substance
of her meaning in so many blunt words, but it seemed that only so
could she make him understand.
'I mean, can't we be engaged again, Bill?'
Bill's overtaxed brain turned one convulsive hand-spring, and came
to rest with a sense of having dislocated itself. This was too
much. This was not right. No fellow at the end of a hard evening
ought to have to grapple with this sort of thing. What on earth
did she mean, springing questions like that on him? How could they
be engaged? She was going to marry someone else, and so was he.
Something of these thoughts he managed to put into words:
'But you're engaged to—'
'I've broken my engagement with Mr Pickering.'
'Great Scot! When?'
'To-night. I found out his true character. He is cruel and
treacherous. Something happened—it may sound nothing to you, but
it gave me an insight into what he really was. Polly Wetherby had
a little monkey, and just because it bit Mr Pickering he shot it.'
'Yes. He wasn't the sort of man I should have expected to do a
mean, cruel thing like that. It sickened me. I gave him back his
ring then and there. Oh, what a relief it was! What a fool I was
ever to have got engaged to such a man.'
Bill was puzzled. He was one of those simple men who take their
fellows on trust, but who, if once that trust is shattered, can
never recover it. Like most simple men, he was tenacious of ideas
when he got them, and the belief that Claire was playing fast and
loose was not lightly to be removed from his mind. He had found
her out during his self-communion that night, and he could never
believe her again. He had the feeling that there was something
behind what she was saying. He could not put his finger on the
clue, but that there was a clue he was certain.
'I only got engaged to him out of pique. I was angry with you,
and—Well, that's how it happened.'
Still Bill could not believe. It was plausible. It sounded true.
And yet some instinct told him that it was not true. And while he
waited, perplexed, Claire made a false step.
The thing had been so close to the top of her mind ever since she
had come to the knowledge of it that it had been hard for her to
keep it down. Now she could keep it down no longer.
'How wonderful about old Mr Nutcombe, Bill!' she said.
A vast relief rolled over Bill. Despite his instinct, he had been
wavering. But now he understood. He had found the clue.
'You got my letter, then?'
'Yes; it was forwarded on from the theatre. I got it to-night.'
Too late she realized what she had said and the construction that
an intelligent man would put on it. Then she reflected that Bill
was not an intelligent man. She shot a swift glance at him. To all
appearances he had suspected nothing.
'It went all over the place,' she hurried on. 'The people at the
Portsmouth theatre sent it to the London office, who sent it home,
and mother mailed it on to me.'
There was a silence. Claire drew a step nearer.
'Bill!' she said softly.
Bill shut his eyes. The moment had come which he had dreaded. Not
even the thought that she was crooked, that she had been playing
with him, could make it any better. She was a woman and he was a
man. That was all that mattered, and nothing could alter it.
'I'm sorry,' he said. 'It's impossible.'
Claire stared at him in amazement. She had not been prepared for
this. He met her eyes, but every nerve in his body was protesting.
He set his teeth. It was just as bad as he had thought it would
'But, Bill, I've explained. I've told you how—'
Claire's eyes opened wide.
'I thought you loved me.' She came closer. She pulled at his
sleeve. Her voice took on a note of soft raillery. 'Don't be
absurd, Bill! You mustn't behave like a sulky schoolboy. It isn't
like you, this. You surely don't want me to humble myself more
than I have done.' She gave a little laugh. 'Why, Bill, I'm
proposing to you! I know I've treated you badly, but I've
explained why. You must be just enough to see that it wasn't
altogether my fault. I'm only human. And if I made a mistake I've
done all I can do to undo it. I—'
'Claire, listen: I'm engaged!'
She fell back. For the first time the sense of defeat came to her.
She had anticipated many things. She had looked for difficulties.
But she had not expected this. A feeling of cold fury surged over
her at the way fate had tricked her. She had gambled recklessly on
her power of fascination, and she had lost.
Mr Pickering, at that moment brooding in solitude in the smoking-room
of Lady Wetherby's house, would have been relieved could he have
known how wistfully she was thinking of him.
'Well!' She forced another laugh. 'How very—rapid of you! To
'To Elizabeth Boyd.'
'I'm afraid I'm very ignorant, but who is Elizabeth Boyd? The
ornate lady you were dancing with at the restaurant?'
'She is old Ira Nutcombe's niece. The money ought to have been
left to her. That was why I came over to America, to see if I
could do anything for her.'
'And you're going to marry her? How very romantic—and convenient!
What an excellent arrangement for her. Which of you suggested it?'
Bill drew in a deep breath. All this was, he supposed,
unavoidable, but it was not pleasant.
Claire suddenly abandoned her pose of cool amusement. The fire
behind it blazed through.
'You fool!' she cried passionately. 'Are you blind? Can't you see
that this girl is simply after your money? A child could see it.'
Bill looked at her steadily.
'You're quite wrong. She doesn't know who I am.'
'Doesn't know who you are? What do you mean? She must know by this
time that her uncle left his money to you.'
'But she doesn't know that I am Lord Dawlish. I came to America
under another name. She knows me as Chalmers.'
Claire was silent for a moment.
'How did you get to know her?' she asked, more quietly.
'I met her brother by chance in New York.'
'Quite by chance. A man I knew in England lent me his rooms in New
York. He happened to be a friend of Boyd's. Boyd came to call on
him one night, and found me.'
'Odd! Had your mutual friend been away from New York long?'
'And in all that time Mr Boyd had not discovered that he had left.
They must have been great friends! What happened then?'
'Boyd invited me down here.'
'They live in this house.'
'Is Miss Boyd the girl who keeps the bee-farm?'
Claire's eyes suddenly lit up. She began to speak in a louder
'Bill, you're an infant, a perfect infant! Of course, she's after
your money. Do you really imagine for one instant that this
Elizabeth Boyd of yours and her brother don't know as well as I do
that you are really Lord Dawlish? I always thought you had a
trustful nature! You tell me the brother met you by chance.
Chance! And invited you down here. I bet he did! He knew his
business! And now you're going to marry the girl so that they will
get the money after all! Splendid! Oh, Bill, you're a wonderful,
wonderful creature! Your innocence is touching.'
She swung round.
'Good night,' she called over her shoulder.
He could hear her laughing as she went down the road.
In the smoking-room of Lady Wetherby's house, chewing the dead
stump of a once imposing cigar, Dudley Pickering sat alone with
his thoughts. He had been alone for half an hour now. Once Lord
Wetherby had looked in, to withdraw at once coldly, with the
expression of a groom who has found loathsome things in the
harness-room. Roscoe Sherriff, good, easy man, who could never
dislike people, no matter what they had done, had come for a while
to bear him company; but Mr Pickering's society was not for the
time being entertaining. He had answered with grunts the
Press-agent's kindly attempts at conversation, and the latter
had withdrawn to seek a more congenial audience. And now Mr
Pickering was alone, talking things over with his subconscious
A man's subconscious self is not the ideal companion. It lurks for
the greater part of his life in some dark den of its own, hidden
away, and emerges only to taunt and deride and increase the misery
of a miserable hour. Mr Pickering's rare interviews with his
subconscious self had happened until now almost entirely in the
small hours of the night, when it had popped out to remind him, as
he lay sleepless, that all flesh was grass and that he was not
getting any younger. To-night, such had been the shock of the
evening's events, it came to him at a time which was usually his
happiest—the time that lay between dinner and bed. Mr Pickering
at that point of the day was generally feeling his best. But to-night
was different from the other nights of his life.
One may picture Subconscious Self as a withered, cynical,
malicious person standing before Mr Pickering and regarding him
with an evil smile. There has been a pause, and now Subconscious
Self speaks again:
'You will have to leave to-morrow. Couldn't possibly stop on after
what's happened. Now you see what comes of behaving like a boy.'
Mr Pickering writhed.
'Made a pretty considerable fool of yourself, didn't you, with
your revolvers and your hidings and your trailings? Too old for
that sort of thing, you know. You're getting on. Probably have a
touch of lumbago to-morrow. You must remember you aren't a
youngster. Got to take care of yourself. Next time you feel an
impulse to hide in shrubberies and take moonlight walks through
damp woods, perhaps you will listen to me.'
Mr Pickering relit the stump of his cigar defiantly and smoked in
long gulps for a while. He was trying to persuade himself that all
this was untrue, but it was not easy. The cigar became uncomfortably
hot, and he threw it away. He fumbled in his waistcoat pocket and
produced a diamond ring, at which he looked pensively.
'A pretty thing, is it not?' said Subconscious Self.
Mr Pickering sighed. That moment when Claire had thrown the ring
at his feet and swept out of his life like an offended queen had
been the culminating blow of a night of blows, the knock-out
following on a series of minor punches. Subconscious Self seized
the opportunity to become offensive again.
'You've lost her, all through your own silly fault,' it said. 'How
on earth you can have been such a perfect fool beats me. Running
round with a gun like a boy of fourteen! Well, it's done now and
it can't be mended. Countermand the order for cake, send a wire
putting off the wedding, dismiss the bridesmaids, tell the
organist he can stop practising "The Voice that Breathed O'er
Eden"—no wedding-bells for you! For Dudley Damfool Pickering,
Esquire, the lonely hearth for evermore! Little feet pattering
about the house? Not on your life! Childish voices sticking up the
old man for half a dollar to buy candy? No, sir! Not for D.
Bonehead Pickering, the amateur trailing arbutus!'
Subconscious Self may have had an undesirable way of expressing
itself, but there was no denying the truth of what it said. Its
words carried conviction. Mr Pickering replaced the ring in his
pocket, and, burying his head in his hands, groaned in bitterness
He had lost her. He must face the fact. She had thrown him over.
Never now would she sit at his table, the brightest jewel of
Detroit's glittering social life. She would have made a stir in
Detroit. Now that city would never know her. Not that he was
worrying much about Detroit. He was worrying about himself. How
could he ever live without her?
This mood of black depression endured for a while, and then Mr
Pickering suddenly became aware that Subconscious Self was
sneering at him. 'You're a wonder!' said Subconscious Self.
'What do you mean?'
'Why, trying to make yourself think that at the bottom of your
heart you aren't tickled to death that this has happened. You know
perfectly well that you're tremendously relieved that you haven't
got to marry the girl after all. You can fool everybody else, but
you can't fool me. You're delighted, man, delighted!' The mere
suggestion revolted Mr Pickering. He was on the point of indignant
denial, when quite abruptly there came home to him the suspicion
that the statement was not so preposterous after all. It seemed
incredible and indecent that such a thing should be, but he could
not deny, now that it was put to him point-blank in this way, that
a certain sense of relief was beginning to mingle itself with his
gloom. It was shocking to realize, but—yes, he actually was
feeling as if he had escaped from something which he had dreaded.
Half an hour ago there had been no suspicion of such an emotion
among the many which had occupied his attention, but now he
perceived it clearly. Half an hour ago he had felt like Lucifer
hurled from heaven. Now, though how that train of thought had
started he could not have said, he was distinctly conscious of the
silver lining. Subconscious Self began to drive the thing home.
'Be honest with yourself,' it said. 'You aren't often. No man is.
Look at the matter absolutely fairly. You know perfectly well that
the mere idea of marriage has always scared you. You hate making
yourself conspicuous in public. Think what it would be like,
standing up there in front of all the world and getting married.
And then—afterwards! Why on earth do you think that you would
have been happy with this girl? What do you know about her except
that she is a beauty? I grant you she's that, but are you aware of
the infinitesimal part looks play in married life? My dear chap,
better is it for a man that he marry a sympathetic gargoyle than a
Venus with a streak of hardness in her. You know—and you would
admit it if you were honest with yourself—that this girl is hard.
She's got a chilled-steel soul.
'If you wanted to marry some one—and there's no earthly reason
why you should, for your life's perfectly full and happy with your
work—this is the last girl you ought to marry. You're a middle-aged
man. You're set. You like life to jog along at a peaceful walk.
This girl wants it to be a fox-trot. You've got habits which
you have had for a dozen years. I ask you, is she the sort of girl
to be content to be a stepmother to a middle-aged man's habits? Of
course, if you were really in love with her, if she were your
mate, and all that sort of thing, you would take a pleasure in
making yourself over to suit her requirements. But you aren't in
love with her. You are simply caught by her looks. I tell you, you
ought to look on that moment when she gave you back your ring as
the luckiest moment of your life. You ought to make a sort of
anniversary of it. You ought to endow a hospital or something out
of pure gratitude. I don't know how long you're going to live—if
you act like a grown-up man instead of a boy and keep out of woods
and shrubberies at night you may live for ever—but you will never
have a greater bit of luck than the one that happened to you
Mr Pickering was convinced. His spirits soared. Marriage! What was
marriage? Slavery, not to be endured by your man of spirit. Look
at all the unhappy marriages you saw everywhere. Besides, you had
only to recall some of the novels and plays of recent years to get
the right angle on marriage. According to the novelists and
playwrights, shrewd fellows who knew what was what, if you talked
to your wife about your business she said you had no soul; if you
didn't, she said you didn't think enough of her to let her share
your life. If you gave her expensive presents and an unlimited
credit account, she complained that you looked on her as a mere
doll; and if you didn't, she called you a screw. That was
marriage. If it didn't get you with the left jab, it landed on you
with the right upper-cut. None of that sort of thing for Dudley
'You're absolutely right,' he said, enthusiastically. 'Funny I
never looked at it that way before.'
Somebody was turning the door-handle. He hoped it was Roscoe
Sherriff. He had been rather dull the last time Sherriff had
looked in. He would be quite different now. He would be gay and
sparkling. He remembered two good stories he would like to tell
The door opened and Claire came in. There was a silence. She stood
looking at him in a way that puzzled Mr Pickering. If it had not
been for her attitude at their last meeting and the manner in
which she had broken that last meeting up, he would have said that
her look seemed somehow to strike a note of appeal. There was
something soft and repentant about her. She suggested, it seemed
to Mr Pickering, the prodigal daughter revisiting the old
She smiled a faint smile, a wistful, deprecating smile. She was
looking lovelier than ever. Her face glowed with a wonderful
colour and her eyes were very bright. Mr Pickering met her gaze,
and strange things began to happen to his mind, that mind which a
moment before had thought so clearly and established so definite a
point of view.
What a gelatine-backboned thing is man, who prides himself on his
clear reason and becomes as wet blotting-paper at one glance from
bright eyes! A moment before Mr Pickering had thought out the
whole subject of woman and marriage in a few bold flashes of his
capable brain, and thanked Providence that he was not as those men
who take unto themselves wives to their undoing. Now in an instant
he had lost that iron outlook. Reason was temporarily out of
business. He was slipping.
For a space Subconscious Self thrust itself forward.
'Look out! Be careful!' it warned.
Mr Pickering ignored it. He was watching, fascinated, the glow on
Claire's face, her shining eyes.
'Dudley, I want to speak to you.'
'Tell her you can only be seen by appointment! Escape! Bolt!'
Mr Pickering did not bolt. Claire came towards him, still smiling
that pathetic smile. A thrill permeated Mr Pickering's entire one
hundred and ninety-seven pounds, trickling down his spine like hot
water and coming out at the soles of his feet. He had forgotten
now that he had ever sneered at marriage. It seemed to him now
that there was nothing in life to be compared with that beatific
state, and that bachelors were mere wild asses of the desert.
Claire came and sat down on the arm of his chair. He moved
convulsively, but he stayed where he was.
'Fool!' said Subconscious Self.
Claire took hold of his hand and patted it. He quivered, but
'Ass!' hissed Subconscious Self.
Claire stopped patting his hand and began to stroke it. Mr
Pickering breathed heavily.
'Dudley, dear,' said Claire, softly, 'I've been an awful fool, and
I'm dreadful, dreadful sorry, and you're going to be the nicest,
kindest, sweetest man on earth and tell me you've forgiven me.
Mr Pickering's lips moved silently. Claire kissed the thinning
summit of his head. There was a pause.
'Where is it?' she asked.
Mr Pickering started.
'Where is it? Where did you put it? The ring, silly!'
Mr Pickering became aware that Subconscious Self was addressing
him. The occasion was tense, and Subconscious Self did not mince
'You poor, maudlin, sentimental, doddering chunk of imbecility,'
it said; 'are there no limits to your insanity? After all I said
to you just now, are you deliberately going to start the old
idiocy all over again?'
'She's so beautiful!' pleaded Mr Pickering. 'Look at her eyes!'
'Ass! Don't you remember what I said about beauty?'
'Yes, I know, but—'
'She's as hard as nails.'
'I'm sure you're wrong.'
'I'm not wrong.'
'But she loves me.'
Claire jogged his shoulders.
'Dudley, dear, what are you sitting there dreaming for? Where did
you put the ring?'
Mr Pickering fumbled for it, located it, produced it. Claire
examined it fondly.
'Did she throw it at him and nearly break his heart!' she said.
'Bolt!' urged Subconscious Self. 'Fly! Go to Japan!'
Mr Pickering did not go to Japan. He was staring worshippingly at
Claire. With rapturous gaze he noted the grey glory of her eyes,
the delicate curve of her cheek, the grace of her neck. He had no
time to listen to pessimistic warnings from any Gloomy Gus of a
Subconscious Self. He was ashamed that he had ever even for a
moment allowed himself to be persuaded that Claire was not all
that was perfect. No more doubts and hesitations for Dudley
Pickering. He was under the influence.
'There!' said Claire, and slipped the ring on her finger.
She kissed the top of his head once more.
'So there we are!' she said.
'There we are!' gurgled the infatuated Dudley.
'Then kiss me.'
Mr Pickering kissed her.
'Dudley, darling,' said Claire, 'we're going to be awfully,
awfully happy, aren't we?'
'You bet we are!' said Mr Pickering.
Subconscious Self said nothing, being beyond speech.
For some minutes after Claire had left him Bill remained where he
was, motionless. He felt physically incapable of moving. All the
strength that was in him he was using to throw off the insidious
poison of her parting speech, and it became plainer to him with
each succeeding moment that he would have need of strength.
It is part of the general irony of things that in life's crises a
man's good qualities are often the ones that help him least, if
indeed they do not actually turn treacherously and fight against
him. It was so with Bill. Modesty, if one may trust to the verdict
of the mass of mankind, is a good quality. It sweetens the soul
and makes for a kindly understanding of one's fellows. But
arrogance would have served Bill better now. It was his fatal
habit of self-depreciation that was making Claire's words so
specious as he stood there trying to cast them from his mind. Who
was he, after all, that he should imagine that he had won on his
personal merits a girl like Elizabeth Boyd?
He had the not very common type of mind that perceives the merit
in others more readily than their faults, and in himself the
faults more readily than the merit. Time and the society of a
great number of men of different ranks and natures had rid him of
the outer symbol of this type of mind, which is shyness, but it
had left him still unconvinced that he amounted to anything very
much as an individual.
This was the thought that met him every time he tried to persuade
himself that what Claire had said was ridiculous, the mere parting
shaft of an angry woman. With this thought as an ally her words
took on a plausibility hard to withstand. Plausible! That was the
devil of it. By no effort could he blind himself to the fact that
they were that. In the light of Claire's insinuations what had
seemed coincidences took on a more sinister character. It had
seemed to him an odd and lucky chance that Nutty Boyd should have
come to the rooms which he was occupying that night, seeking a
companion. Had it been chance? Even at the time he had thought it
strange that, on the strength of a single evening spent together,
Nutty should have invited a total stranger to make an indefinite
visit to his home. Had there been design behind the invitation?
Bill began to walk slowly to the house. He felt tired and unhappy.
He meant to go to bed and try to sleep away these wretched doubts
and questionings. Daylight would bring relief.
As he reached the open front door he caught the sound of voices,
and paused for an instant, almost unconsciously, to place them.
They came from one of the rooms upstairs. It was Nutty speaking
now, and it was impossible for Bill not to hear what he said, for
Nutty had abandoned his customary drawl in favour of a high,
'Of course, you hate him and all that,' said Nutty; 'but after all
you will be getting five million dollars that ought to have come
That was all that Bill heard, for he had stumbled across the hall
and was in his room, sitting on the bed and staring into the
darkness with burning eyes. The door banged behind him.
So it was true!
There came a knock at the door. It was repeated. The handle
'Is that you, Bill?'
It was Elizabeth's voice. He could just see her, framed in the
His throat was dry. He swallowed, and found that he could speak.
'Did you just come in?'
There was a long silence. Then the door closed gently and he heard
her go upstairs.
When Bill woke next morning it was ten o'clock; and his first
emotion, on a day that was to be crowded with emotions of various
kinds, was one of shame. The desire to do the fitting thing is
innate in man, and it struck Bill, as he hurried through his
toilet, that he must be a shallow, coarse-fibred sort of person,
lacking in the finer feelings, not to have passed a sleepless
night. There was something revolting in the thought that, in
circumstances which would have made sleep an impossibility for
most men, he had slept like a log. He did not do himself the
justice to recollect that he had had a singularly strenuous day,
and that it is Nature's business, which she performs quietly and
unromantically, to send sleep to tired men regardless of their
private feelings; and it was in a mood of dissatisfaction with the
quality of his soul that he left his room.
He had a general feeling that he was not much of a chap and that
when he died—which he trusted would be shortly—the world would
be well rid of him. He felt humble and depressed and hopeless.
Elizabeth met him in the passage. At the age of eleven or
thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle
difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to
achieve somewhere in the later seventies. Except for a pallor
strange to her face and a drawn look about her eyes, there was
nothing to show that all was not for the best with Elizabeth in a
best of all possible worlds. If she did not look jaunty, she at
least looked composed. She greeted Bill with a smile.
'I didn't wake you. I thought I would let you sleep on.'
The words had the effect of lending an additional clarity and
firmness of outline to the picture of himself which Bill had
already drawn in his mind—of a soulless creature sunk in hoggish
'We've had breakfast. Nutty has gone for a walk. Isn't he
wonderful nowadays? I've kept your breakfast warm for you.'
Bill protested. He might be capable of sleep, but he was not going
to sink to food.
'Not for me, thanks,' he said, hollowly.
He followed her meekly. How grimly practical women were! They let
nothing interfere with the essentials of life. It seemed all
wrong. Nevertheless, he breakfasted well and gratefully, Elizabeth
watching him in silence across the table.
She hesitated for a moment.
'Well, Bill, I've slept on it. Things are in rather a muddle,
aren't they? I think I had better begin by explaining what led up
to those words you heard Nutty say last night. Won't you smoke?'
'You'll feel better if you do.'
A bee had flown in through the open window. She followed it with
her eye as it blundered about the room. It flew out again into the
sunshine. She turned to Bill again.
'They were supposed to be words of consolation,' she said.
Bill said nothing.
'Nutty, you see, has his own peculiar way of looking at things,
and it didn't occur to him that I might have promised to marry you
because I loved you. He took it for granted that I had done it to
save the Boyd home. He has been very anxious from the first that I
should marry you. I think that that must have been why he asked
you down here. He found out in New York, you know, who you were.
Someone you met at supper recognized you, and told Nutty. So, as
far as that is concerned, the girl you were speaking to at the
gate last night was right.'
He started. 'You heard her?'
'I couldn't help it. She meant me to hear. She was raising her
voice quite unnecessarily if she did not mean to include me in the
conversation. I had gone in to find Nutty, and he was out, and I
was coming back to you. That's how I was there. You didn't see me
because your back was turned. She saw me.'
Bill met her eyes. 'You don't ask who she was?'
'It doesn't matter who she was. It's what she said that matters.
She said that we knew you were Lord Dawlish.'
'Did you know?'
'Nutty told me two or three days ago.' Her voice shook and a flush
came into her face. 'You probably won't believe it, but the news
made absolutely no difference to me one way or the other. I had
always imagined Lord Dawlish as a treacherous, adventurer sort of
man, because I couldn't see how a man who was not like that could
have persuaded Uncle Ira to leave him his money. But after knowing
you even for this short time, I knew you were quite the opposite of
that, and I remembered that the first thing you had done on coming
into the money had been to offer me half, so the information that
you were the Lord Dawlish whom I had been hating did not affect me.
And the fact that you were rich and I was poor did not affect me
either. I loved you, and that was all I cared about. If all this had
not happened everything would have been all right. But, you see,
nine-tenths of what that girl said to you was so perfectly true that
it is humanly impossible for you not to believe the other tenth,
which wasn't. And then, to clinch it, you hear Nutty consoling me.
That brings me back to Nutty.'
'Let me tell you about Nutty first. I said that he had always been
anxious that I should marry you. Something happened last night to
increase his anxiety. I have often wondered how he managed to get
enough money to enable him to spend three days in New York, and
last night he told me. He came in just after I had got back to the
house after leaving you and that girl, and he was very scared. It
seems that when the letter from the London lawyer came telling him
that he had been left a hundred dollars, he got the idea of
raising money on the strength of it. You know Nutty by this time,
so you won't be surprised at the way he went about it. He borrowed
a hundred dollars from the man at the chemist's on the security of
that letter, and then—I suppose it seemed so easy that it struck
him as a pity to let the opportunity slip—he did the same thing
with four other tradesmen. Nutty's so odd that I don't know even
now whether it ever occurred to him that he was obtaining money
under false pretences; but the poor tradesmen hadn't any doubt
about it at all. They compared notes and found what had happened,
and last night, while we were in the woods, one of them came here
and called Nutty a good many names and threatened him with
'You can imagine how delighted Nutty was when I came in and told
him that I was engaged to you. In his curious way, he took it for
granted that I had heard about his financial operations, and was
doing it entirely for his sake, to get him out of his fix. And
while I was trying to put him right on that point he began to
console me. You see, Nutty looks on you as the enemy of the
family, and it didn't strike him that it was possible that I
didn't look on you in that light too. So, after being delighted
for a while, he very sweetly thought that he ought to cheer me up
and point out some of the compensations of marriage with you.
And—Well, that was what you heard. There you have the full
explanation. You can't possibly believe it.'
She broke off and began to drum her fingers on the table. And as
she did so there came to Bill a sudden relief from all the doubts
and black thoughts that had tortured him. Elizabeth was straight.
Whatever appearances might seem to suggest, nothing could convince
him that she was playing an underhand game. It was as if something
evil had gone out of him. He felt lighter, cleaner. He could
'I do believe it,' he said. 'I believe every word you say.'
She shook her head.
'You can't in the face of the evidence.'
'I believe it.'
'No. You may persuade yourself for the moment that you do, but
after a while you will have to go by the evidence. You won't be
able to help yourself. You haven't realized what a crushing thing
evidence is. You have to go by it against your will. You see,
evidence is the only guide. You don't know that I am speaking the
truth; you just feel it. You're trusting your heart and not your
head. The head must win in the end. You might go on believing for
a time, but sooner or later you would be bound to begin to doubt
and worry and torment yourself. You couldn't fight against the
evidence, when once your instinct—or whatever it is that tells
you that I am speaking the truth—had begun to weaken. And it
would weaken. Think what it would have to be fighting all the
time. Think of the case your intelligence would be making out, day
after day, till it crushed you. It's impossible that you could
keep yourself from docketing the evidence and arranging it and
absorbing it. Think! Consider what you know are actual facts!
Nutty invites you down here, knowing that you are Lord Dawlish.
All you know about my attitude towards Lord Dawlish is what I told
you on the first morning of your visit. I told you I hated him.
Yet, knowing you are Lord Dawlish, I become engaged to you.
Directly afterwards you hear Nutty consoling me as if I were
marrying you against my will. Isn't that an absolutely fair
statement of what has happened? How could you go on believing me
with all that against you?'
'I know you're straight. You couldn't do anything crooked.'
'The evidence proves that I did.'
'I don't care.'
She shook her head.
'It's dear of you, Bill, but you're promising an impossibility.
And just because it's impossible, and because I love you too much
to face what would be bound to happen, I'm going to send you
'Send me away!'
'Yes. It's going to hurt. You don't know how it's going to hurt,
Bill; but it's the only thing to do. I love you too much to live
with you for the rest of my life wondering all the time whether
you still believed or whether the weight of the evidence had
crushed out that tiny little spark of intuition which is all that
makes you believe me now. You could never know the truth for
certain, you see—that's the horror of it; and sometimes you would
be able to make yourself believe, but more often, in spite of all
you could do, you would doubt. It would poison both our lives.
Little things would happen, insignificant in themselves, which
would become tremendously important just because they added a
little bit more to the doubt which you would never be able to get
'When we had quarrels—which we should, as we are both human—they
wouldn't be over and done with in an hour. They would stick in
your mind and rankle, because, you see, they might be proofs that
I didn't really love you. And then when I seemed happy with you,
you would wonder if I was acting. I know all this sounds morbid
and exaggerated, but it isn't. What have you got to go on, as
regards me? What do you really know of me? If something like this
had happened after we had been married half a dozen years and
really knew each other, we could laugh at it. But we are
strangers. We came together and loved each other because there was
something in each of us which attracted the other. We took that
little something as a foundation and built on it. But what has
happened has knocked away our poor little foundation. That's all.
We don't really know anything at all about each other for certain.
It's just guesswork.'
She broke off and looked at the clock.
'I had better be packing if you're to catch the train.'
He gave a rueful laugh.
'You're throwing me out!'
'Yes, I am. I want you to go while I am strong enough to let you
'If you really feel like that, why send me away?'
'How do you know I really feel like that? How do you know that I
am not pretending to feel like that as part of a carefully-prepared
He made an impatient gesture.
'Yes, I know,' she said. 'You think I am going out of my way to
manufacture unnecessary complications. I'm not; I'm simply looking
ahead. If I were trying to trap you for the sake of your money,
could I play a stronger card than by seeming anxious to give you
up? If I were to give in now, sooner or later that suspicion would
come to you. You would drive it away. You might drive it away a
hundred times. But you couldn't kill it. In the end it would beat
He shrugged his shoulders helplessly.
'I can't argue.'
'Nor can I. I can only put very badly things which I know are
true. Come and pack.'
'I'll do it. Don't you bother.'
'Nonsense! No man knows how to pack properly.'
He followed her to his room, pulled out his suitcase, the symbol
of the end of all things, watched her as she flitted about, the
sun shining on her hair as she passed and repassed the window. She
was picking things up, folding them, packing them. Bill looked on
with an aching sense of desolation. It was all so friendly, so
intimate, so exactly as it would have been if she were his wife.
It seemed to him needlessly cruel that she should be playing on
this note of domesticity at the moment when she was barring for
ever the door between him and happiness. He rebelled helplessly
against the attitude she had taken. He had not thought it all out,
as she had done. It was folly, insanity, ruining their two lives
like this for a scruple.
Once again he was to encounter that practical strain in the
feminine mind which jars upon a man in trouble. She was holding
something in her hand and looking at it with concern.
'Why didn't you tell me?' she said. 'Your socks are in an awful
state, poor boy!'
He had the feeling of having been hit by something. A man has not
a woman's gift of being able to transfer his mind at will from
sorrow to socks.
'Like sieves!' She sighed. A troubled frown wrinkled her forehead.
'Men are so helpless! Oh, dear, I'm sure you don't pay any
attention to anything important. I don't believe you ever bother
your head about keeping warm in winter and not getting your feet
wet. And now I shan't be able to look after you!'
Bill's voice broke. He felt himself trembling.
She was kneeling on the floor, her head bent over the suitcase.
She looked up and met his eyes.
'It's no use, Bill, dear. I must. It's the only way.'
The sense of the nearness of the end broke down the numbness
which held him.
'Elizabeth! It's so utterly absurd. It's just—chucking everything
She was silent for a moment.
'Bill, dear, I haven't said anything about it before but don't you
see that there's my side to be considered too? I only showed you
that you could never possibly know that I loved you. How am I to
know that you really love me?'
He had moved a step towards her. He drew back, chilled.
'I can't do more than tell you,' he said.
'You can't. And there you have put in two words just what I've
been trying to make clear all the time. Don't you see that that's
the terrible thing about life, that nobody can do more than tell
anybody anything? Life's nothing but words, words, words; and how
are we to know when words are true? How am I to know that you
didn't ask me to marry you out of sheer pity and an exaggerated
sense of justice?'
He stared at her.
'That,' he said, 'is absolutely ridiculous!'
'Why? Look at it as I should look at it later on, when whatever it
is inside me that tell me it's ridiculous now had died. Just at
this moment, while we're talking here, there's something stronger
than reason which tells me you really do love me. But can't you
understand that that won't last? It's like a candle burning on a
rock with the tide coming up all round it. It's burning brightly
enough now, and we can see the truth by the light of it. But the
tide will put it out, and then we shall have nothing left to see
by. There's a great black sea of suspicion and doubt creeping up
to swamp the little spark of intuition inside us.
'I will tell you what would happen to me if I didn't send you
away. Remember I heard what that girl was saying last night.
Remember that you hated the thought of depriving me of Uncle Ira's
money so much that your first act was to try to get me to accept
half of it. The quixotic thing is the first that it occurs to you
to do, because you're like that, because you're the straightest,
whitest man I've ever known or shall know. Could anything be more
likely, looking at it as I should later on, than that you should
have hit on the idea of marrying me as the only way of undoing the
wrong you thought you had done me? I've been foolish about
obligations all my life. I've a sort of morbid pride that hates
the thought of owing anything to anybody, of getting anything that
I have not earned. By and by, if I were to marry you, a little
rotten speck of doubt would begin to eat its way farther and
farther into me. It would be the same with you. We should react on
each other. We should be watching each other, testing each other,
trying each other out all the time. It would be horrible,
He started to speak; then, borne down by the hopelessness of it,
stopped. Elizabeth stood up. They did not look at each other. He
strapped the suitcase and picked it up. The end of all things was
'Better to end it all cleanly, Bill,' she said, in a low voice.
'It will hurt less.'
He did not speak.
'I'll come down to the gate with you.'
They walked in silence down the drive. The air was heavy with
contentment. He hummed a tune.
'Good-bye, Bill, dear.'
He took her hand dully.
'Good-bye,' he said.
Elizabeth stood at the gate, watching. He swung down the road with
long strides. At the bend he turned and for a moment stood there,
as if waiting for her to make some sign. Then he fell into his
stride again and was gone. Elizabeth leaned on the gate. Her face
was twisted, and she clutched the warm wood as if it gave her
The grounds were very empty. The spirit of loneliness brooded on
them. Elizabeth walked slowly back to the house. Nutty was coming
towards her from the orchard.
'Halloa!' said Nutty.
He was cheerful and debonair. His little eyes were alight with
contentment. He hummed a tune.
'Where's Dawlish?' he said.
'He has gone.'
Nutty's tune failed in the middle of a bar. Something in his
sister's voice startled him. The glow of contentment gave way to a
look of alarm.
'Gone? How do you mean—gone? You don't mean—gone?'
They had reached the house before he spoke again.
'You don't mean—gone away?'
'Do you mean—gone away?'
'You aren't going to marry him?'
The world stood still. The noise of the crickets and all the
little sounds of summer smote on Nutty's ear in one discordant
'Oh, gosh!' he exclaimed, faintly, and collapsed on the front
steps like a jelly-fish.
The spectacle of Nutty in his anguish did not touch Elizabeth.
Normally a kind-hearted girl, she was not in the least sorry for
him. She had even taken a bitter pleasure and found a momentary
relief in loosing the thunderbolt which had smitten him down. Even
if it has to manufacture it, misery loves company. She watched
Nutty with a cold and uninterested eye as he opened his mouth
feebly, shut it again and reopened it; and then when it became
apparent that these manoeuvres were about to result in speech, she
left him and walked quickly down the drive again. She had the
feeling that if Nutty were to begin to ask her questions—and he
had the aspect of one who is about to ask a thousand—she would
break down. She wanted solitude and movement, so she left Nutty
sitting and started for the gate. Presently she would go and do
things among the beehives; and after that, if that brought no
solace, she would go in and turn the house upside down and get
dusty and tired. Anything to occupy herself.
Reaction had set in. She had known it would come, and had made
ready to fight against it, but she had underestimated the strength
of the enemy. It seemed to her, in those first minutes, that she
had done a mad thing; that all those arguments which she had used
were far-fetched and ridiculous. It was useless to tell herself
that she had thought the whole thing out clearly and had taken the
only course that could have been taken. With Bill's departure the
power to face the situation steadily had left her. All she could
think of was that she loved him and that she had sent him away.
Why had he listened to her? Why hadn't he taken her in his arms
and told her not to be a little fool? Why did men ever listen to
women? If he had really loved her, would he have gone away? She
tormented herself with this last question for a while. She was
still tormenting herself with it when a melancholy voice broke in
on her meditations.
'I can't believe it,' said the voice. She turned, to perceive
Nutty drooping beside her. 'I simply can't believe it!'
Elizabeth clenched her teeth. She was not in the mood for Nutty.
'It will gradually sink in,' she said, unsympathetically.
'Did you really send him away?'
'But what on earth for?'
'Because it was the only thing to do.'
A light shone on Nutty's darkness.
'Oh, I say, did he hear what I said last night?'
'He did hear what you said last night.'
Nutty's mouth opened slowly.
Elizabeth said nothing.
'But you could have explained that.'
'Oh, I don't know—somehow or other.' He appeared to think. 'But
you said it was you who sent him away.'
'Well, this beats me!'
Elizabeth's strained patience reached the limit.
'Nutty, please!' she said. 'Don't let's talk about it. It's all
'Nutty, don't! I can't stand it. I'm raw all over. I'm hating
myself. Please don't make it worse.'
Nutty looked at her face, and decided not to make it worse. But
his anguish demanded some outlet. He found it in soliloquy.
'Just like this for the rest of our lives!' he murmured, taking in
the farm-grounds and all that in them stood with one glassy stare
of misery. 'Nothing but ghastly bees and sweeping floors and
fetching water till we die of old age! That is, if those blighters
don't put me in jail for getting that money out of them. How was I
to know that it was obtaining money under false pretences? It
simply seemed to me a darned good way of collecting a few dollars.
I don't see how I'm ever going to pay them back, so I suppose it's
prison for me all right.'
Elizabeth had been trying not to listen to him, but without
'I'll look after that, Nutty. I have a little money saved up,
enough to pay off what you owe. I was saving it for something
else, but never mind.'
'Awfully good of you,' said Nutty, but his voice sounded almost
disappointed. He was in the frame of mind which resents alleviation
of its gloom. He would have preferred at that moment to be allowed to
round off the picture of the future which he was constructing in his
mind with a reel or two showing himself brooding in a cell. After
all, what difference did it make to a man of spacious tastes whether
he languished for the rest of his life in a jail or on a farm in the
country? Jail, indeed, was almost preferable. You knew where you were
when you were in prison. They didn't spring things on you. Whereas
life on a farm was nothing but one long succession of things sprung
on you. Now that Lord Dawlish had gone, he supposed that Elizabeth
would make him help her with the bees again. At this thought he
groaned aloud. When he contemplated a lifetime at Flack's, a lifetime
of bee-dodging and carpet-beating and water-lugging, and reflected
that, but for a few innocent words—words spoken, mark you, in a pure
spirit of kindliness and brotherly love with the object of putting a
bit of optimistic pep into sister!—he might have been in a position
to touch a millionaire brother-in-law for the needful whenever he
felt disposed, the iron entered into Nutty's soul. A rotten, rotten
Nutty had the sort of mind that moves in circles. After contemplating
for a time the rottenness of the world, he came back to the point
from which he had started.
'I can't understand it,' he said. 'I can't believe it.'
He kicked a small pebble that lay convenient to his foot.
'You say you sent him away. If he had legged it on his own
account, because of what he heard me say, I could understand that.
But why should you—'
It became evident to Elizabeth that, until some explanation of
this point was offered to him, Nutty would drift about in her
vicinity, moaning and shuffling his feet indefinitely.
'I sent him away because I loved him,' she said, 'and because,
after what had happened, he could never be certain that I loved
him. Can you understand that?'
'No,' said Nutty, frankly, 'I'm darned if I can! It sounds loony
'You can't see that it wouldn't have been fair to him to marry
The doubts which she was trying to crush increased the violence of
their attack. It was not that she respected Nutty's judgement in
itself. It was that his view of what she had done chimed in so
neatly with her own. She longed for someone to tell her that she
had done right: someone who would bring back that feeling of
certainty which she had had during her talk with Bill. And in
these circumstances Nutty's attitude had more weight than on its
merits it deserved. She wished she could cry. She had a feeling
that if she once did that the right outlook would come back to
Nutty, meanwhile, had found another pebble and was kicking it
sombrely. He was beginning to perceive something of the intricate
and unfathomable workings of the feminine mind. He had always
looked on Elizabeth as an ordinary good fellow, a girl whose mind
worked in a more or less understandable way. She was not one of
those hysterical women you read about in the works of the
novelists; she was just a regular girl. And yet now, at the one
moment of her life when everything depended on her acting
sensibly, she had behaved in a way that made his head swim when he
thought of it. What it amounted to was that you simply couldn't
Into this tangle of silent sorrow came a hooting automobile. It
drew up at the gate and a man jumped out.
The man who had alighted from the automobile was young and
cheerful. He wore a flannel suit of a gay blue and a straw hat
with a coloured ribbon, and he looked upon a world which, his
manner seemed to indicate, had been constructed according to his
own specifications through a single eyeglass. When he spoke it
became plain that his nationality was English.
Nutty regarded his beaming countenance with a lowering hostility.
The indecency of anyone being cheerful at such a time struck him
forcibly. He would have liked mankind to have preserved till
further notice a hushed gloom. He glared at the young man.
Elizabeth, such was her absorption in her thoughts, was not even
aware of his presence till he spoke to her.
'I beg your pardon, is this Flack's?'
She looked up and met that sunny eyeglass.
'This is Flack's,' she said.
'Thank you,' said the young man.
The automobile, a stout, silent man at the helm, throbbed in the
nervous way automobiles have when standing still, suggesting
somehow that it were best to talk quick, as they can give you only
a few minutes before dashing on to keep some other appointment.
Either this or a natural volatility lent a breezy rapidity to the
visitor's speech. He looked at Elizabeth across the gate, which it
had not occurred to her to open, as if she were just what he had
expected her to be and a delight to his eyes, and burst into
'My name's Nichols—J. Nichols. I expect you remember getting a
letter from me a week or two ago?'
The name struck Elizabeth as familiar. But he had gone on to
identify himself before she could place it in her mind.
'Lawyer, don't you know. Wrote you a letter telling you that your
Uncle Ira Nutcombe had left all his money to Lord Dawlish.'
'Oh, yes,' said Elizabeth, and was about to invite him to pass the
barrier, when he began to speak again.
'You know, I want to explain that letter. Wrote it on a sudden
impulse, don't you know. The more I have to do with the law, the
more it seems to hit me that a lawyer oughtn't to act on impulse.
At the moment, you see, it seemed to me the decent thing to do—put
you out of your misery, and so forth—stop your entertaining
hopes never to be realized, what? and all that sort of thing. You
see, it was like this: Bill—I mean Lord Dawlish—is a great pal
of mine, a dear old chap. You ought to know him. Well, being in
the know, you understand, through your uncle having deposited the
will with us, I gave Bill the tip directly I heard of Mr
Nutcombe's death. I sent him a telephone message to come to the
office, and I said: "Bill, old man, this old buster"—I beg your
pardon, this old gentleman—"has left you all his money." Quite
informal, don't you know, and at the same time, in the same
informal spirit, I wrote you the letter.' He dammed the torrent
for a moment. 'By the way, of course you are Miss Elizabeth Boyd,
The young man seemed relieved.
'I'm glad of that,' he said. 'Funny if you hadn't been. You'd have
wondered what on earth I was talking about.'
In spite of her identity, this was precisely what Elizabeth was
doing. Her mind, still under a cloud, had been unable to
understand one word of Mr Nichols's discourse. Judging from his
appearance, which was that of a bewildered hosepipe or a snake
whose brain is being momentarily overtaxed, Nutty was in the same
difficulty. He had joined the group at the gate, abandoning the
pebble which he had been kicking in the background, and was now
leaning on the top bar, a picture of silent perplexity.
'You see, the trouble is,' resumed the young man, 'my governor,
who's the head of the firm, is all for doing things according to
precedent. He loves red tape—wears it wrapped round him in winter
instead of flannel. He's all for doing things in the proper legal
way, which, as I dare say you know, takes months. And, meanwhile,
everybody's wondering what's happening and who has got the money,
and so on and so forth. I thought I would skip all that and let
you know right away exactly where you stood, so I wrote you that
letter. I don't think my temperament's quite suited to the law,
don't you know, and if he ever hears that I wrote you that letter
I have a notion that the governor will think so too. So I came
over here to ask you, if you don't mind, not to mention it when
you get in touch with the governor. I frankly admit that that
letter, written with the best intentions, was a bloomer.'
With which manly admission the young man paused, and allowed the
rays of his eyeglass to play upon Elizabeth in silence. Elizabeth
tried to piece together what little she understood of his
'You mean that you want me not to tell your father that I got a
letter from you?'
'Exactly that. And thanks very much for not saying "without
prejudice," or anything of that kind. The governor would have.'
'But I don't understand. Why should you think that I should ever
mention anything to your father?'
'Might slip out, you know, without your meaning it.'
'But when? I shall never meet your father.'
'You might quite easily. He might want to see you about the
The eyebrow above the eyeglass rose, surprised.
'Haven't you had a letter from the governor?'
The young man made a despairing gesture.
'I took it for granted that it had come on the same boat that I
did. There you have the governor's methods! Couldn't want a better
example. I suppose some legal formality or other has cropped up
and laid him a stymie, and he's waiting to get round it. You
really mean he hasn't written?
'Why, dash it,' said the young man, as one to whom all is
revealed, 'then you can't have understood a word of what I've been
For the first time Elizabeth found herself capable of smiling. She
liked this incoherent young man.
'I haven't,' she said.
'You don't know about the will?'
'Only what you told me in your letter.'
'Well, I'm hanged! Tell me—I hadn't the honour of knowing him
personally—was the late Mr Nutcombe's whole life as eccentric as
his will-making? It seems to me—'
'Uncle Ira's middle name,' he said, 'was Bloomingdale. That,' he
proceeded, bitterly, 'is the frightful injustice of it all. I had
to suffer from it right along, and all I get, when it comes to a
finish, is a miserable hundred dollars. Uncle Ira insisted on
father and mother calling me Nutcombe; and whenever he got a new
craze I was always the one he worked it off on. You remember the
time he became a vegetarian, Elizabeth? Gosh!' Nutty brooded
coldly on the past. 'You remember the time he had it all worked
out that the end of the world was to come at five in the morning
one February? Made me stop up all night with him, reading Marcus
Aurelius! And the steam-heat turned off at twelve-thirty! I could
tell you a dozen things just as bad as that. He always picked on
me. And now I've gone through it all he leaves me a hundred
Mr Nichols nodded sympathetically.
'I should have imagined that he was rather like that. You know, of
course, why he made that will I wrote to you about, leaving all
his money to Bill Dawlish? Simply because Bill, who met him
golfing at a place in Cornwall in the off season, cured him of
slicing his approach-shots! I give you my word that was the only
reason. I'm sorry for old Bill, poor old chap. Such a good sort!'
'He's all right,' said Nutty. 'But why you should be sorry for him
gets past me. A fellow who gets five million—'
'But he doesn't, don't you see?'
'How do you mean?'
'Why, this other will puts him out of the running.'
'Which other will?'
'Why, the one I'm telling you about.'
He looked from one to the other, apparently astonished at their
slowness of understanding. Then an idea occurred to him.
'Why, now that I think of it, I never told you, did I? Yes, your
uncle made another will at the very last moment, leaving all he
possessed to Miss Boyd.'
The dead silence in which his words were received stimulated him
to further speech. It occurred to him that, after that letter of
his, perhaps these people were wary about believing anything he
'It's absolutely true. It's the real, stable information this
time. I had it direct from the governor, who was there when he
made the will. He and the governor had had a row about something,
you know, and they made it up during those last days, and—Well,
apparently your uncle thought he had better celebrate it somehow,
so he made a new will. From what little I know of him, that was
the way he celebrated most things. I took it for granted the
governor would have written to you by this time. I expect you'll
hear by the next mail. You see, what brought me over was the idea
that when he wrote you might possibly take it into your heads to
mention having heard from me. You don't know my governor. If he
found out I had done that I should never hear the last of it. So I
said to him: "Gov'nor, I'm feeling a bit jaded. Been working too
hard, or something. I'll take a week or so off, if you can spare
me." He didn't object, so I whizzed over. Well, of course, I'm
awfully sorry for old Bill, but I congratulate you, Miss Boyd.'
'What's the time?' said Elizabeth.
Mr Nichols was surprised. He could not detect the connexion of
'It's about five to eleven,' he said, consulting his watch.
The next moment he was even more surprised, for Elizabeth, making
nothing of the barrier of the gate, had rushed past him and was
even now climbing into his automobile.
'Take me to the station, at once,' she was crying to the stout,
silent man, whom not even these surprising happenings had shaken
from his attitude of well-fed detachment.
The stout man, ceasing to be silent, became interrogative.
'Take me to the station. I must catch the eleven o'clock train.'
The stout man was not a rapid thinker. He enveloped her in a
stodgy gaze. It was only too plain to Elizabeth that he was a man
who liked to digest one idea slowly before going on to absorb the
next. Jerry Nichols had told him to drive to Flack's. He had
driven to Flack's. Here he was at Flack's. Now this young woman
was telling him to drive to the station. It was a new idea, and he
bent himself to the Fletcherizing of it.
'I'll give you ten dollars if you get me there by eleven,' shouted
The car started as if it were some living thing that had had a
sharp instrument jabbed into it. Once or twice in his life it had
happened to the stout man to encounter an idea which he could
swallow at a gulp. This was one of them.
Mr Nichols, following the car with a wondering eye, found that
Nutty was addressing him.
'Is this really true?' said Nutty.
A wild cry, a piercing whoop of pure joy, broke the summer
'Come and have a drink, old man!' babbled Nutty. 'This wants
celebrating!' His face fell. 'Oh, I was forgetting! I'm on the
'On the wagon?'
'Sworn off, you know. I'm never going to touch another drop as
long as I live. I began to see things—monkeys!'
'I had a pal,' said Mr Nichols, sympathetically, 'who used to see
Nutty seized him by the arm, hospitable though handicapped.
'Come and have a bit of bread and butter, or a slice of cake or
something, and a glass of water. I want to tell you a lot more
about Uncle Ira, and I want to hear all about your end of it. Gee,
what a day!'
'"The maddest, merriest of all the glad New Year,"' assented Mr
Nichols. 'A slice of that old 'eighty-seven cake. Just the thing!'
Bill made his way along the swaying train to the smoking-car,
which was almost empty. It had come upon him overwhelmingly that
he needed tobacco. He was in the mood when a man must either smoke
or give up altogether the struggle with Fate. He lit his pipe, and
looked out of the window at Long Island racing past him. It was
only a blur to him.
The conductor was asking for tickets. Bill showed his mechanically,
and the conductor passed on. Then he settled down once more to his
thoughts. He could not think coherently yet. His walk to the station
had been like a walk in a dream. He was conscious of a great, dull
pain that weighed on his mind, smothering it. The trees and houses
still moved past him in the same indistinguishable blur.
He became aware that the conductor was standing beside him, saying
something about a ticket. He produced his once more, but this did
not seem to satisfy the conductor. To get rid of the man, who was
becoming a nuisance, he gave him his whole attention, as far as
that smothering weight would allow him to give his whole attention
to anything, and found that the man was saying strange things. He
thought that he could not have heard him correctly.
'What?' he said.
'Lady back there told me to collect her fare from you,' repeated
the conductor. 'Said you would pay.'
Bill blinked. Either there was some mistake or trouble had turned
his brain. He pushed himself together with a supreme effort.
'A lady said I would pay her fare?'
'But—but why?' demanded Bill, feebly.
The conductor seemed unwilling to go into first causes.
'Search me!' he replied.
'Pay her fare!'
'Told me to collect it off the gentleman in the grey suit in the
smoking-car. You're the only one that's got a grey suit.'
'There's some mistake.'
'What does she look like?'
The conductor delved in his mind for adjectives.
'Small,' he said, collecting them slowly. 'Brown eyes—'
He desisted from his cataloguing at this point, for, with a loud
exclamation, Bill had dashed away.
Two cars farther back he had dropped into the seat by Elizabeth
and was gurgling wordlessly. A massive lady, who had entered the
train at East Moriches in company with three children and a cat in
a basket, eyed him with a curiosity that she made no attempt to
conceal. Two girls in a neighbouring seat leaned forward eagerly
to hear all. This was because one of them had told the other that
Elizabeth was Mary Pickford. Her companion was sceptical, but
nevertheless obviously impressed.
'My God!' said Bill.
The massive lady told the three children sharply to look at their
'Well, I'm hanged!'
The mother of three said that if her offspring did not go right
along to the end of the car and look at the pretty trees trouble
must infallibly ensue.
'Elizabeth!' At the sound of the name the two girls leaned back,
taking no further interest in the proceedings.
'What are you doing here?'
Elizabeth smiled, a shaky but encouraging smile.
'I came after you, Bill.'
'You've got no hat!'
'I was in too much of a hurry to get one, and I gave all my money
to the man who drove the car. That's why I had to ask you to pay
my fare. You see, I'm not too proud to use your money after all.'
'Tickets please. One seventy-nine.'
It was the indefatigable conductor, sensible of his duty to the
company and resolved that nothing should stand in the way of its
performance. Bill gave him five dollars and told him to keep the
change. The conductor saw eye to eye with him in this.
'Bill! You gave him—' She gave a little shrug of her shoulders.
'Well, it's lucky you're going to marry a rich girl.'
A look of the utmost determination overspread Bill's face.
'I don't know what you're talking about. I'm going to marry you.
Now that I've got you again I'm not going to let you go. You can
use all the arguments you like, but it won't matter. I was a fool
ever to listen. If you try the same sort of thing again I'm just
going to pick you up and carry you off. I've been thinking it over
since I left you. My mind has been working absolutely clearly.
I've gone into the whole thing. It's perfect rot to take the
attitude you did. We know we love each other, and I'm not going to
listen to any talk about time making us doubt it. Time will only
make us love each other all the more.'
'Why, Bill, this is eloquence.'
'I feel eloquent.'
The stout lady ceased to listen. They had lowered their voices and
she was hard of hearing. She consoled herself by taking up her
copy of Gingery Stories and burying herself in the hectic
adventures of a young millionaire and an artist's model.
Elizabeth caught a fleeting glimpse of the cover.
'I bet there's a story in there of a man named Harold who was too
proud to marry a girl, though he loved her, because she was rich
and he wasn't. You wouldn't be so silly as that, Bill, would you?'
'It's the other way about with me.'
'No, it's not. Bill, do you know a man named Nichols?'
'J. Nichols. He said he knew you. He said he had told you about
Uncle Ira leaving you his money.'
'Jerry Nichols! How on earth—Oh, I remember. He wrote to you,
'He did. And this morning, just after you had left, he called.'
'Jerry Nichols called?'
'To tell me that Uncle Ira had made another will before he died,
leaving the money to me.'
Their eyes met.
'So I stole his car and caught the train,' said Elizabeth, simply.
Bill was recovering slowly from the news.
'But—this makes rather a difference, you know,' he said.
'In what way?'
'Well, what I mean to say is, you've got five million dollars and
I've got two thousand a year, don't you know, and so—'
Elizabeth tapped him on the knee.
'Bill, do you see what this is in my hand?'
'It's a pin. And I'm going to dig it right into you wherever I
think it will hurt most, unless you stop being Harold at once.
I'll tell you exactly what you've got to do, and you needn't think
you're going to do anything else. When we get to New York, I first
borrow the money from you to buy a hat, and then we walk to the
City Hall, where you go to the window marked "Marriage Licences",
and buy one. It will cost you one dollar. You will give your
correct name and age and you will hear mine. It will come as a
shock to you to know that my second name is something awful! I've
kept it concealed all my life. After we've done that we shall go
to the only church that anybody could possibly be married in. It's
on Twenty-ninth Street, just round the corner from Fifth Avenue.
It's got a fountain playing in front of it, and it's a little bit
of heaven dumped right down in the middle of New York. And after
that—well, we might start looking about for that farm we've
talked of. We can get a good farm for five million dollars, and
leave something over to be doled out—cautiously—to Nutty.
'And then all we have to do is to live happily ever after.'
Something small and soft slipped itself into his hand, just as it
had done ages and ages ago in Lady Wetherby's wood.
It stimulated Bill's conscience to one last remonstrance.
'But, I say, you know—'
'This business of the money, you know. What I mean to say is—Ow!'
He broke off, as a sharp pain manifested itself in the fleshy part
of his leg. Elizabeth was looking at him reprovingly, her weapon
poised for another onslaught.
'I told you!' she said.
'All right, I won't do it again.'
'That's a good child. Bill, listen. Come closer and tell me all
sorts of nice things about myself till we get to Jamaica, and then
I'll tell you what I think of you. We've just passed Islip, so
you've plenty of time.'